Against The Cold Montana Wind

Against The Cold Montana Wind


Jake eased back into his recliner and closed his eyes. He could hear Mary in the kitchen humming an old song as she made them some lunch. The tune sparked a memory of long ago when they built this house. It had taken years of hard work and saving the money to build their dream home and horse ranch. The night the two of them moved in they danced in the living room to an old love song. He remembered how they looked back then and how they were so full of life and energy. Their love had grown over the years into something very special and rare. Jake remembered the birth of their three children and how they raised them in this house. They were all grown and gone now so Jake and Mary had gone full circle and were alone once more.

Jake was jolted back to the present as Mary placed a plate of food on the table beside him.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. What were you thinking about so intently?” Mary asked.
Jake took her hand and said, “That song you were humming made me think about the night we moved in here and how we danced right over there. Also how we raised three wonderful children in this house. Now look at us, all old and worn out.”
Mary nodded and went back into the kitchen to get her plate. It made her want to cry sometimes to see how Jake had changed over the years. It seemed like everyday he was forgetting something. Most of the time it was little things but just now he forgot about two of the other kids they had. She wondered if it was Alzheimer’s but when she tried to talk to him about it a couple of weeks ago he got mad and stormed out of the house.

Mary took her plate into the living room, sat down and took a few bites. “Jake, you know Thanksgiving is coming up and all five of our kids will be here with all the grandchildren. Do you think we need to get the bedrooms in the barn ready?”
“Yeah, I guess so, that’s what we built those rooms for?” Jake said but looked puzzled.
Mary asked,“Whats wrong sweetheart?”
“I’m confused, you said five kids and we have three kids.” Jake said.
Mary went and sat down beside him and said, “No honey we have five kids. Henry, Daniel, Kara, Dana and Kelly. Look at my mother’s ring you bought me, there’s five stones, one for each of our kids.”
Jake was close to tears and said, “How could I forget a thing like that, those kids are my world. Oh God, Mary what is happening to me?” By the time he was finished they both were crying openly. Mary held her husband close to her and said, “You know it could be something medical that’s making you forget things, please let me call Dr.Davis and get an appointment.”
“Oh, please Mary don’t ever tell the kids I forgot them, it would devastate them.” Jake cried.
Mary whispered close to his face, “You don’t have to worry, I won’t tell them that and I will be right here for you no matter what.”
“Alright, make the call.” Jake sadly said. They held each other close for a few more minutes. When she made the call the nurse told her to have him there the next day.

When they got to Dr.Davis’ office the next day Jake was a nervous wreck, mostly because he didn’t want to face what he might hear. The doctor did a thorough exam and then a verbal Alzheimer’s test. “Jake my old friend, you didn’t pass the test. I need you to go over to the hospital and get a CAT scan and be back here in the morning for me to give you the results.”Dr.Davis said. Jake did as he was told and got the CAT scan but he already knew what the outcome was. He knew in his heart that he has Alzheimer’s and the next day in the doctor’s office it was confirmed. The doctor said that it was probably in its middle stages and that they should consider a nursing home or assisted living home. That hit Jake like a ton of bricks. Never once had he considered this would happen to him. Jake was in such a state of shock that Mary had to lead him to the car and put him in it. He felt like he was walking through a thick fog and couldn’t find a way out. When they got home Mary got online to look up Alzheimer’s and any helpful information she could find. Jake looked at the info with her but when he saw a statistic on death rate he panicked. He stormed out of the house and went to the barn. He cried, he threw things and cursed out loud at the hand fate had dealt him. After he was done ranting and raving he got his act together and started cleaning up the barn.

Mary was worried about him but decided he probably needed some time alone. She had held it together for him and now she let it all out her own way. Mary cried and beat up a pillow and cried some more. She made herself calm down and went to the barn to check on him. She took fresh linens for the beds so it wouldn’t look like she was just checking up on him. He was cleaning up a mess he had made when she walked in. He could see she had been crying also and held her in his arms like it was the last time he would ever hold her. They helped each other way into the afternoon to get the barn ready for company. When they got back to the house he took a shower and lie down on the bed and cried. Mary curled up behind him and held him very close. “Why is this happening to me…to us? I am so scared Mary, I don’t know what to do.” Jake said as he softly cried.
“Sweetheart, I don’t know why but I do know we will get through all this together one day at a time.” Mary said.

Jake had stopped crying and said, “Lets go get something to eat and get back online again. I need to learn more about this so that I can deal with it a little better.” They went downstairs hand in hand and ate some roast beef sandwiches and faced the computer again. “You know I trust Davis but I really want a second opinion, do you think we can find a doctor that specializes in this?” Jake asked.
“We can sure try but will you promise me something? Promise me that you wont shut me out again. This affects me also. What hurts you also hurts me.” Mary said softly.
“I’m so sorry sweetheart, I’ve just been paralyzed with fear. I didn’t mean to close you out. I should have realized you are scared and hurting also. I promise not to shut you out again.” Jake said as he gave her a small kiss. Knowledge is power. So Jake and Mary tried to learn as much as possible about this illness and also found a doctor about a hundred miles away that deals with it.

The next morning Mary called the doctors office and told them everything that had happened so far and the got him an appointment for that afternoon. Jake and Mary packed up for the night and drove to the doctor’s office. They had room reservations at a nice hotel in that city because it would be too late to try to drive home in the snow. The doctor wanted to know everything so Mary told him it had started about four years ago and that they thought it was just loss of memory from aging. But recently it had gotten dramatically worse. Jake told him about the incident of forgetting two of the children. The doctor did all kinds of verbal tests and came to the same conclusion as his hometown doctor. He was totally honest with them both about what they should expect to happen in the coming months to years. It was painful for them both to listen to but they would face this demon head on together.
Jake said,“Ok Doc, what you are telling me is that I will forget everybody I love and everything that I have ever done. Also that I can be a serious danger to myself and those around me.”
“ I am terribly sorry Jake but there’s no cure for Alzheimers, the outcome is always the same. I understand you don’t want to be in a nursing home but maybe an assisted living home would be an option for the both of you. I don’t know what else to tell you except here’s a packet of info on your illness. Maybe something in it could be useful to you. I am really sorry Jake.,” the doctor said.

Mary drove them back to the hotel and they sat there in silence for a while before Jake spoke. “Mary, we need to make some big decisions before I forget everything, chances are I could forget I even have Alzheimer’s.”
Mary said, “I know sweetheart, what do you think about this assisted living thing?” Jake thought about it for a few minutes and said, “I don’t think much of it being all cooped up in an apartment all day long. Do you think we could put off making a decision till after Thanksgiving?”
Mary said, “yes I think so, it’s only a few days away. How about this, from today forward, lets treat each day as if it were out last, lets make each moment special.” Mary had tears in her eyes as she said it and so did Jake.
Jake softly said. “I have cherished every moment of this lifetime with you and I intend to do the same for however many days I have left. You are right, we need to live like there’s no tomorrow. Lets go out to the hotel restaurant for dinner and maybe dance a little.” They held each other and kissed for a while and then got ready and went to dinner. They had steaks with potatoes and had a glass or two of wine. The piano player was playing old love songs as Jake and Mary held each other close and slow danced. Jake tipped him on their way out the restaurant. When they got back to the room Jake asked her what she thought about getting their children and grandchildren a special gift just from him to open on Thanksgiving, because they didn’t know what condition he’s going to be in for Christmas. Mary thought it was a wonderful idea and the next day on their way home they went shopping. She had to remind him about several of them and helped him pick out something special for each of them.

The three days before the kids got there Jake and Mary spent a lot of time lying in bed talking about everything. He told her so many times that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him and how much he loves her. They took long walks along the countryside, even though it was covered in snow it was beautiful. In those days he decided that this is where he wanted to die. This home and ranch was what he worked for all his life and he intended to live the rest of it here.

All of the kids and their kids got there on the same day and once Jake saw them he remembered them all. He always felt blessed to have them here but now that he was dying it felt even more special to him. When he said the blessings over the Thanksgiving meal there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. He thanked the Lord for all of them there and asked the Lord to watch over each of them always.

Daniel had been sitting in the living room talking to Jake about some old horse that was special to Jake when he noticed that his dad didn’t remember the horse. He thought it was odd and talked to his sister Kelly about it on the front porch. Kara came out and said she had a similar experience with Jake also. Mary called everyone inside as Jake handed each of them his special gift. He got hugs and kisses from everyone and visited with each of them till late in the evening. Jake asked that after they got the kids down for the night that they needed a family meeting. That made everyone of the siblings nervous along with his odd behavior today. It took a while for all of them to get their kids to sleep but when they did they all talked among themselves about what could be going on.

Jake and Mary sat closely on the couch and held hands as they watched the group enter the room. All of their kid’s spouses were there also but sat off to the side out of respect.
Daniel said,“Ok Dad tell us what’s wrong.”
Jake looked over at Mary for reassurance and strength and that helped him to be stronger than he felt at this moment.
Jake said, “You know we don’t keep secrets in this family so I wont keep this from all of you but I don’t know how to tell you this.” He had a lump in his throat and was close to tears and said, “Guys I have Alzheimer’s and its in its late stages. I don’t know how much longer I will be in my right mind so I want you all to know how much I love you.” By the time he got through everyone in the room was crying and in total shock. They expected maybe cancer, something that they could fight. Not a death sentence of Alzheimers.They all gathered in close to their parents. Daniel and Henry were sitting at their fathers feet while Kara put her arms around him from behind. Dana sat on the arm of the couch beside him and Kelly sat by her mom with her arms around her. Everyone was openly sobbing and hanging onto each other for support. They were so devastated and shocked, nobody knew what to say or do. All they could do was cry. Daniel was not one to cry but this was too much even for him. He looked into his dad’s eyes and laid his head on his dad’s knee and cried like a child. This was the most traumatic thing they had ever gone through as a family. Henry was the first to speak, “If there’s anything I can do, I’ll do it..” The rest of them said they would also.
Jake said, “We haven’t made a final decision yet, we were waiting till after we told all of you. Your mom and I have discussed all the options but would like to know how you feel also.”
Kelly said, “Whatever you decide to do, I’ll help however I can.”
“Dad, is that why you gave us all a special gift early?” Kara asked.
Jake said, “Yes it is. I am forgetting more things every day and I don’t know what tomorrow will hold. Your mom and I have done the research and seen two doctors but the outcome is always the same, sooner or later. You know tomorrow I could forget today and all that is precious to me so I wanted to give you something just from me.”

Kelly got up and went into the kitchen to make coffee and was cutting a pound cake when she felt Ben’s strong arms around her. She turned around and broke down crying in her husbands loving arms. Ben held her and let her cry for a few minutes. He wiped away her tears as everyone came into the kitchen.
Jake and Mary sat down at the table surrounded by their kids and spouses and discussed the situation.
Mary said,”Kids,we have decided not to go in a nursing home. I say we because where dad is, I am. I know that would be the safest thing to do but that’s not going to happen. We have considered assisted living but then we would be cooped up in a small apartment all day and we don’t want that either.”
Jake stated.” I really want to live out the rest of my life here on the ranch. It’s not the safest plan but if something happens to me here, I would leave this world happy. All we can do is make it safer for me. That’s what I really want to do.” That’s all the kids needed to hear to let them know they would do whatever Jake and Mary wanted them to. If dad wanted to live the rest of his days here then they would do whatever it took to make it safer.
Jake went on to say, “I hate to admit this but your mom said she found me in the barn in the middle of the night and I don’t know how I got there. We are going to have to hire someone to stay at night to watch over me or something.”
Kelly said, “I can come stay a week at a time and stay awake at night.” The rest of the siblings said they could also.
Mary said, “Guys we appreciate that but we don’t want to be a burden on you, we can hire people to stay and you can also come stay and help out but we don’t want you to have to bear the whole burden of us.”
Jake said, “I agree with your mother, I would rather have you here and enjoy the time I have with you than for you to be up all night and sleep all day. You understand?”

They all talked about it for a while until Jake and Mary decided to go to bed. Then they all moved to the porch to talk and some to smoke.
Kara said, “I know they’ve made their decision but look around. How can we make it safe enough for him out here in the woods? He could get past someone and wander off and get hurt.”
Daniel said, “You heard what dad said and what he meant. He said he wants to live here till its his time and if an accident happens he would die happy right here at home.”
Henry spoke up and said, “None of us want him to die but the fact is that he is going to. Whether its next month or next year, only the Lord knows that. We have to do what they want and just try our best to make it safer for him, and spend as much time out here as we can.”
Kelly said, “You know I’m in healthcare and can help out with setting all this up. I can stay a week and get things ready but we need to coordinate our work schedule so that one of us is here at all times to help out.”
Dana said, “Lets get some rest and tackle this in the morning. If one of you can stay up a few hours to watch out for dad then I can get up and do the rest of the night.” Henrys wife Lacey said she was used to being up at night because of her job and would stay up.

It was really hard for anyone to get any rest because they had too much on their minds. It was hard to face that their dad was dying but it was true. All they could really do now was be strong for their parents and help out as much as possible.

Jake had long since hired a man named Joseph to tend to the horses he had left and keep the ranch up. After breakfast Jake said he wanted to go for a ride on his favorite horse so Henry went down to the barn and helped Joseph saddle up several horses.Mary,Jake,Henry,Kelly and Ben went for a long ride over the country side. They had grown up here and knew everything about this land and loved it, even in the wintertime when all was covered in snow. The ride helped Jake to forget for a while his situation and he felt better than ever when they returned. He played with his grandchildren and laughed with his kids for hours, like nothing was wrong in his world. He cherished every moment this life was giving to him with his family.

They next day when everyone left Kelly and Dana stayed on to help get things ready and safe. Jake spent a few minutes with each of his children. He told them each how proud he is of them and how special they are in his heart. It was a tearful goodbye but Jake needed them to know how he felt about them. Jake spent a lot of time in the barn that day. He tried to pretend that he was there to clean up after everyone but he really needed time to think about all that had happened in the last few days. Dana was down there with him but kept quiet doing small chores till he was ready to talk. Jake sat down on a bail of hay beside her and said, “I am so proud of how far you have come from that wild little girl I remember. I thought that you would never settle down but look at you now. You are all grown up and responsible and I hope you are happy also. I am so very proud of the young woman you have become. I just want you to know how special you are to me.”
“Daddy, I love you so much and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without your strong guidance and love.” Dana said as she hugged him. They walked back up to the house arm in arm, smiling and talking. Kelly was in the office making a list of the things that she and Dana needed to get done during this week when Jake came in and sat at the desk with her.
“
Hey pumpkin, what are you doing?” Jake asked.
“I’m making a list of things to do. It seems like your mind is made up to stay here so we have to make it safe for you.” Kelly said and turned to face him. “To be honest with you Dad, I am worried about what could happen to you if you forget where you are.”
“Listen pumpkin, I want you to know, if something does happen to me, I don’t want anyone feeling any guilt over it. This is my choice. This is where I belong.” Jake said.
“I know Daddy and I respect your decision. I’m just a little worried that’s all.” Kelly said as she started to tear up.
Jake pulled his daughter into a big hug and said, “Of all my children you are the most responsible. I admire you for that. You have a good head on your shoulders and I know I can count on you to handle things properly. I love you more than I can tell you and you are very precious to me.” They were both crying when he was done. They sat back down and was talking about his finances when Mary and Dana came in and sat down with them.
Jake said,“Ok, you know the house and everything here are paid for except for that truck out there, and we only owe another year on that. We have a boatload of insurance on me and that long-term care insurance. We can hire some people and not have to pay out a whole lot because we got the long-term care insurance. We have stocks, bonds and so many investments that I can’t keep track of them all.Kelly,you know your Mom doesn’t like dealing with the money stuff so if its ok with her I am putting you in charge of handling all of that. Is that ok Mary?” Jake asked.
Mary laughed and said, “You know I’m no good with all that so yes its ok if she handles it.”
Jake looked over at Kelly and said, “I know I am putting a lot on your shoulders but I would like you for you to go over all of our assetts,insurance and everything. I want you to make sure that your mom never wants for anything and I want to give each of you kids some money also. When you get it all figured out let me know and I will sign the necessary papers. I don’t want to hear of any objections either.ok.”
“Yes sir I understand, I can handle all of that.” Kelly said but wanted to object. He wanted to make sure that everything would be ok for his wife and children after he was gone and she understood that. “Dad if its ok with you whatever you give to me will go in a trust fund for my baby.” Kelly was trying to tell him something.
“Are you telling me that you and Ben are having a baby?” Jake asked.
“Yes we are, I’m three months pregnant.” Kelly exclaimed. Jake and Mary hugged her and said how proud they would be to have another grandbaby.

The whole next week Kelly and Dana were so busy that if they didn’t have lists they would have forgotten everything. Kelly put out the word at the local hospital and clinics that they were looking for certified nursing assistants and within the week they had interviewed about a dozen ladies. Jake helped pick the ones he liked and they hired four people. Between Kelly and Dana everything got done for their dads care. It was a monumental task but when it was done they felt proud of themselves as did their parents. They got some help and moved their parent’s bedroom to downstairs so the sitters could watch over him more closely. Each of the children were scheduled to be there at different times so that one of them would be there at all times. Before the girls left on their last day Kelly went over all their finances with her parents. Dad had kept things pretty organized in his office so it was really easy for her to find everything. She told him how much life insurance was on him and Mary was shocked at the amount. Kelly told him how much they had in stocks, bonds,IRAs and investments. Mary never knew what they had only that they were doing alright.Jake told Kelly and everyone in the room how much he wanted to give to each of his children. They tried to object but he put his hand in the air to quiet them, he wouldn’t hear of any objections. The girls tried to tell him it was too much money but he said this was his last gift to them and to do with it what they each wanted. He knew he could trust Kelly to carry out his wishes and handle everything like he wanted.

Kara and her daughter Danielle flew in from California and would be there for a week. Kelly and Dana told her all the arrangements and what needed to be done daily. The girls left knowing that their older sister was in charge and he would be ok. Kara called Kelly two days later to tell her that dad had a bad incident the night before. Kara said that Jake had woke up in the middle of the night, came out to the living room where the sitter was and didn’t have a clue where he was. He was trying to get past her to get out the door but she managed to stop him. When Mary came in the room she tried to talk to him and fortunately he recognized her and calmed down a little. Kara said he didn’t have a clue who she was but Mary got him to take a pill to relax him. Kara said he was fine this morning but just tired from the pill.

Days turned into weeks and Jake was going downhill quicker than anyone had thought that he would. Every couple of days he had an incident similar to the previous one. The last one he had Henry was there with him and it lasted for two whole days of Jake not knowing where he was or anybody around him except Mary. During that spell they gave him a couple of shots because he was adamant about leaving the house. It was getting more dangerous by the day for him to be there but they were going to follow his wishes.

Everybody came for Christmas but it was more subdued than it normally was. They used to play and have lots of fun but this holiday was different. Just knowing this could be Jakes last one with all them made it more loving and emotional than normal. They all spent a lot of time with their dad and tried to make it as special as they could. They had let the sitters go just for Christmas day so they could spend time with their families but one would be back the next morning.

At about midnight Christmas night Jake had gotten out of bed but this time he remembered where he was. He spent about an hour talking to Daniel who was staying up all night with him. Jake fell back asleep in his pajamas in the recliner so Daniel went on reading his book.

At about five Daniel was hungry so he left Jake snoring in his recliner and went into the kitchen. He started some coffee and made him a plate of leftovers. Meanwhile Jake woke up to find himself alone in a strange place. He quietly slipped out the door into the cold Montana wind. Daniel came back into the room to find his father missing and woke up everyone in the house and called the barn on the intercom to alert them that Jake was missing. Everyone got dressed warmly and as Kelly opened the barn door fear seized her heart. It was early morning. The sun was just beginning to peak over the treetops and a light snow was falling. A single set of tracks led from the barn down into the woods. Ben gathered the rest of the family and they set out into the woods to look for Jake. He wouldn’t last long in this freezing weather without the right protection, so they had to find him fast.

Meanwhile Jake had put a lot of distance between him and the house. He had ran as fast as he could to get away from there but slowed down because the forest had gotten thick. He saw a big oak tree and decided to sit down on the opposite side of it for a minute just to rest. He was so cold all of the sudden and curled up around himself to keep warm. He closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep by the oak tree.

Someone back at the house had called 911 while the rest of the family searched the woods. All you could hear was them walking and calling Jakes name. They must have been out there an hour and was deep into the forest when Kelly called out that she found him. Daniel was the first to get there and kneeled down by his father’s side and tried to wake him. When he got no response Kelly checked everywhere for a pulse and when she couldn’t find one she fell backwards screaming,” No Daddy no, don’t leave me.” everybody else got there about that time and checked him also but he was long gone by them. When Mary reached him she was crying because she already knew. She knelt down beside him and took his face in her hands and lightly kissed his lips. She eased his face back down and fell into Daniels arms screaming and crying terribly. Everyone there was almost hysterical in their grief and didn’t know what to do except hold each other and cry.

Daniel was consumed with grief and guilt because he was watching Jake when this happened. All he could think to do was get his mom out of the woods. He easily picked Mary up into his arms and carried her out of the forest. There was an ambulance and police at the barn when he walked out with Mary in his arms. He told them what had happened and the paramedic gave Mary a shot to help her sleep before Daniel carried her to the house. Kelly and Dana were right behind him as the paramedics went to get jakes body from the woods. They got their mom out of her coat and boots and put her in her warm bed to sleep. All of them took turns sitting in the room with her and when she woke up she realized it wasn’t a dream but a nightmare. Mary was beside herself with grief. The man she had loved her entire life was gone. Daniel was sitting with her and tried to soothe her crying. When she did stop crying she tried to talk to Daniel. She told him she didn’t want him to feel guilty about what had happened, that it could have been any one of them watching Jake when he walked away. It gave Daniel a little peace in his troubled heart to hear his mom say that to him.

The next few days were the longest any of them ever had to bear. From planning his funeral to having so many people in the house paying their respects, it all seemed like a blur. When they buried Jake it was such a beautiful funeral but saying goodbye to him felt like someone was ripping their heart out. To say the least it was torture.

The night after the funeral Mary had a nervous breakdown. She just couldn’t handle it all. Mary was hospitalized for a few days but had to face it when she came back home. Everywhere she went she felt Jakes spirit. It was a great comfort to her to know that his spirit would always be with her and it seemed to lift the grief and depression.

Henry and his wife and two boys moved into the house with Mary at her request. She just couldn’t face being alone anymore. Having them with her helped ease her heart and mind. The days turned into months and the ranch was thriving under Henry’s constant care. He bought quite a few horses with the money his dad had left him and was running the ranch like his dad had in his youth. By then it was summertime. Everything was new and beautiful on the ranch. When Mary took long walks she felt Jakes spirit walking right beside her and would talk out loud to him when she was sure nobody was around to hear her. They would probably think she was losing her sanity but she wasn’t. Even though she couldn’t see or touch him she knew he was right there for her always.