She Kissed Me

Lights up to reveal a chair, a leather couch, and a bookshelf, front center stage. A woman is sitting in the chair jotting down some notes in a notebook when Chris, 21, enters.)

CHRIS
(Looking around)

Hi, I’m Chris Brady . The secretary told me to come on in. You, uh, wanted to see me?

MS. MALONE
You must be a little confused.
(smiling, extends hand to Chris, shakes his hand)

I’m Ms. Malone, feel free to call me Tricia. Please, have a seat.

(He sits on the leather couch)
Now, you must be wondering why you’re here. I’m sorry to interrupt your day, I’m sure you have classes, but I wonder if we could have a talk?

CHRIS
Well, sure, I guess. I’ve never seen a psychologist before…I don’t really have any problems …

MS. MALONE
Oh, I’m sure you don’t. This meeting is in regard to Amy Keller.

CHRIS
The girl who killed herself?

MS. MALONE
Yes. The suicide has had the whole campus a little on edge. I’m wondering if you have anything you’d like to discuss. That’s why we have the counseling center.

CHRIS
Yeah, I imagine her friends are pretty upset. The thing is, I didn’t really know Amy. I mean, it’s terrible and all, but I don’t know if I really need counseling.

MS. MALONE
You’re sure?

CHRIS
I don’t want to sound insensitive, I mean suicide is awful. I guess you have to meet with every student right?

MS. MALONE
Well, any student is welcome to make an appointment.

CHRIS
So you’re not meeting with every student?

MS. MALONE
We’d like to, of course, there just aren’t enough hours in the day.

CHRIS
Well, I’m not sure how to ask this…but why am I here? Was I randomly chosen?

MS. MALONE
Well Chris, the administration, along with Amy’s family, has asked me to meet with you.

CHRIS
Oh. Is it alright if I ask why?

MS. MALONE
What I’m about to tell you is strictly confidential. It’s not to be repeated, do you understand?

CHRIS
Sure.

MS. MALONE

Amy left behind a note. Well, more of a letter, really.
CHRIS
(nervously)
A note? I hadn’t heard that.

MS. MALONE
The family has chosen to keep that private…due to the controversial subject matter.

CHRIS
Oh. What’s that got to do with me?

MS. MALONE
Chris, the reason I’ve called you into my office today, is you were named in Amy’s note. Now, you’ve said you don’t know her and I have to choose to believe you. But if there’s anything you want to talk about, now is the time.

CHRIS
Am I being accused of something?

MS. MALONE
Not at all. This isn’t a disciplinary meeting. Amy was obviously a very troubled girl, We just want to rule out the possibility…


CHRIS
What possibility?

MS. MALONE
In Amy’s note, she mentioned your name. We’re not sure how seriously to take her claim, but we thought we’d have you answer some questions.

CHRIS
What claim?

MS. MALONE
Now, Chris, I don’t want you to get upset. But in Amy’s note she wrote she’d been raped as a freshman. She implicated you


CHRIS
(defensively)
I didn’t rape anybody! She said I raped her!?

MS. MALONE
(calmly)
Again, we’re not sure how seriously to take this. You’re sure you didn’t know Amy? Keep in mind we’re conducting other interviews with some of her friends…

CHRIS
I knew…of her, I guess.

MS. MALONE
You did?

CHRIS
Sort of, I guess we were friends with some of the same people. Freshman year maybe, But I definitely wasn’t friends with her. It-it might not have even been the same Amy.



MS. MALONE
Hmm. That’s interesting.

CHRIS
Why is that interesting?

MS. MALONE
I just find it interesting that on such a small campus you’d have difficulty remembering whether or not you knew someone. Especially since I’ve just spoken with Jen Brown, and she seems to remember you and Amy dating. But then, it might not have even been the same Chris, right?

CHRIS
Chris is a pretty common name…

MS. MALONE
Chris, I’ll ask again. Did you know Amy?

CHRIS
I knew her. I haven’t spoken to her in a few years, though. So I’m not sure how this whole suicide thing relates to me. Spring semester freshman year, we went out a few times. I’d hardly call it dating.

MS. MALONE
Why did you feel you had to lie?


CHRIS
Oh, I don’t know, maybe because she killed herself! I...I know it’s not my fault. But…Amy and I…there was one time where something happened. Sh-She was pretty upset afterwards. I think she thinks I...did something wrong. But I didn’t. Am I going to get in trouble?

MS. MALONE
Whatever you say doesn’t leave this room, Chris. We’re just talking. Can you tell me what happened?

CHRIS
Amy and I had been talking for awhile. I really liked her. One night, we were drinking…a lot. I was trying to make it to 20 beers. I forget how many I had before I started to feel sick. I barely remember that night. I remember her kissing me. SHE kissed me. I remember that. One thing led to another, and I remember her saying no, but in that cute, not serious way. She kissed me. Anyway, the next day she didn’t remember anything. I freaked out. I tried to avoid her. She didn’t understand what was wrong. I couldn’t tell anyone what happened. How could I have?

MS. MALONE
So you haven’t talked to her since?

CHRIS
Well, not exactly. She managed to corner me one night. She had a vague memory of what happened. I guess it came back to her or something. Can that happen? Anyway, she was upset. I told her she was crazy. I told everyone she was crazy.
(pause, looking down)

We never talked after that.

MS. MALONE
I see. Did Amy ever press any charges against you?

CHRIS
I-I told her that if she told anyone they wouldn’t believe her. I was scared! I was just a scared freshman. I think I scared her too. I don’t think she ever told anyone

MS. MALONE

What makes you say that?

CHRIS
Let’s be honest. This is a small campus. If something like that got around...


MS. MALONE
What do you think would have happened?

CHRIS
Well, I definitely wouldn’t have seen as many girls in the past four years, that’s for sure.
MS. MALONE
Do you date a lot, then?


CHRIS
Not really…I guess…I’m not really sure what you mean by “date.”

MS. MALONE
Do you go out with a lot of girls?

CHRIS
Oh, no. No, we don’t go out much.

MS. MALONE
Have you been sexually active since the incident with Amy?

CHRIS
I don’t know how comfortable I am with this…is this going to get back to my parents? Or my professors?

MS. MALONE
Nothing leaves this room. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone to talk to, no?

CHRIS
Well, I’ve never really talked about this stuff before. But yeah, I’ve been sexually active.

MS. MALONE
With about how many girls?

CHRIS
(pausing in thought, counting on his fingers)
Ten, Twelve maybe? I’m not positive.

MS. MALONE
Do you find the incident with Amy affected your sex drive at all?

CHRIS
It did. Yeah, it definitely did.

MS. MALONE
How so? Was it difficult to spend time with a girl after Amy?

CHRIS
Not really…it was sort of the opposite. After Amy, I…Well, Amy- that was my first time, you know? After that, I just wanted to hook up with different girls.

MS. MALONE
Were you ever concerned the same thing would happen?

CHRIS
I guess…I guess it did concern me.

MS. MALONE
Were you able to overcome that?

CHRIS
Yes.

MS. MALONE
So it never happened again?

CHRIS
(pause)
I have class…maybe I should go now.

MS. MALONE
Of course. Would you mind answering my question before you go?

CHRIS
Well, I really don’t know if I feel comfortable.

MS. MALONE
Did it happen again? What happened with Amy?

CHRIS
Yeah. Yeah, it did.

MS, MALONE
With how many other girls?

CHRIS
Well, like I said, I’m not sure.

MS. MALONE
You’re not sure?

CHRIS
No, like I said, ten, twelve maybe. All of them.

MS. MALONE
It happened again? The same thing that happened with Amy?

CHRIS
You can say it. Nothing’s going to happen to me right? So you might as well say it. I raped them. Well, not rape rape. I didn’t hurt them. I just didn’t listen when they said no. They liked it.

MS. MALONE
How do you know?

CHRIS
Look, I know you’re a psychologist but…I don’t have to be politically correct do I?

MS. MALONE
Of course not.

CHRIS
Girls play all kinds of games. They say “no” in that cute, girly way and they don’t mean it. Society just tells them they shouldn’t be sluts, so they try to make it harder for us. They wear slutty clothes and practically non-existent underwear and drink too much. They know exactly what they’re doing.

MS. MALONE
You believe all those girls wanted to have sex with you?

CHRIS
They wouldn’t have been in my room if they didn’t. None of them have pressed charges, have they? They knew why they were there.

MS. MALONE
Perhaps. Now, you said when the incident with Amy happened freshman year, you were scared? Why was that?

CHRIS
Amy was different. That was…an accident. I didn’t mean to do that to her. I liked her. But that situation taught me a lot. About girls, how they work. I think Amy pretended not to remember what happened, just so she wouldn’t feel bad. That’s when I started understanding girls. I hurt her a lot, I think.
(pause)

Was I…was I the reason?

MS. MALONE
In my experience, most people who commit suicide are severely depressed. And depression can’t usually be attributed to one cause. So I’m afraid I don’t know how to answer that.

CHRIS
Sure. But, the note. What did it say about me?

MS. MALONE
Amy’s family would prefer I didn’t share that information. Can you tell me anything about the other girls?

CHRIS
There’s not much to tell…they’re just…girls.


MS. MALONE
How do you meet them?

CHRIS
Parties, bars. Places where I don’t know a lot of people. It just works out better that way. No mutual friends, no one asking me about it the next day.

MS. MALONE
That must be difficult on such a small campus, no?

CHRIS
I guess I never thought about it that way…I mean, you can’t go picking any random girl. That would be dangerous.
(chuckles)

MS. MALONE
How so?

CHRIS
Think about it. Any girl you meet could be your roommate’s girlfriends’ friend, or something that like. So that’s why I started developing a way to go about picking girls. I had a scare once, so I had to be more careful.

MS. MALONE
A scare?

CHRIS
Yeah, this girl Alyssa. I met her at a bar one night. She was a freshman. I figured she wouldn’t know anyone I did. Except…afterwards, you know, after we were done…she said to tell Mike hi. Mike’s my roommate. I freaked out, because how was I supposed to know they had stats together? I mean why the hell was Mike taking stats anyway?

MS. MALONE
So, you were afraid Alyssa would talk to your roommate? I take it your roommate didn’t know about your sexual habits?



CHRIS
God, no. He’d never get it. Alyssa never talked though. You need to make sure you pick young, always young.

MS. MALONE
Any other rules?

CHRIS
Sure. Always go for freshmen if possible. Never pick…the loud one. You know, the leader? Groups of girls always have one leader and she’s usually an attention whore. So never pick her. Never use that “date rape” drug. No drugs, ever. Alcohol, always. I could go on.

MS. MALONE
How did you come up with these rules?

CHRIS
One day I was eating by myself in the cafeteria. They had these napkins, with this information for girls about date rape. They had this list of ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts.” I looked at all the ‘don’ts’ and I figured out what girls would be good to pick. The kind of girl that usually doesn’t get attention from a guy, you know?

MS. MALONE
Mmmhmm. Let’s go back. After what happened with Amy, how did you decide to continue this behavior?

CHRIS
The thing with Amy happened toward the end of the year. When I went home for the summer, I decided to start dating my ex-girlfriend, from back home. She wanted to…you know, but I couldn’t. I just didn’t get that same rush. That feeling of power. Knowing that I was in complete control. It all happened on accident, but…I liked it, to tell you the truth.

MS. MALONE
So you kept it up?

CHRIS
I never wanted to be a rapist, if that’s what you mean. I don’t consider myself a rapist.

MS. MALONE
But you’ve admitted to raping almost a dozen girls, haven’t you?

CHRIS
I don’t hurt them. It’s complicated. I don’t hurt them, though. I wouldn’t do that.


MS. MALONE
Do they ever hurt themselves?

CHRIS
I wouldn’t really know…I-I don’t know. Look, is it my fault? About Amy? I need to know.

MS. MALONE
Do you think it’s your fault?

CHRIS
I don’t hurt them. I’m careful not to! All I do is hold their shoulders down. Barely a bruise. Maybe cover their mouth, but usually they don’t scream.

MS. MALONE
Why do you think that is?

CHRIS
Because of how I pick them!

MS. MALONE
Oh?

CHRIS
It’s so obvious! Pick a girl- an insecure girl. They’re so insecure, they won’t tell anyone. They think they deserve it. And if they think that- they’re right.

MS. MALONE
How can you be sure that once you’ve picked a girl she’ll go back to your room with you? Do you ever force them?

CHRIS
How stupid do you think I am? No, it’s all about carrying yourself in a certain way. Of course I don’t go home with every girl I choose. I’m not that good.

MS. MALONE
How do you carry yourself then?

CHRIS
It’s all about pretending to be a quiet, sensitive, slightly dorky type. I’m about six feet tall. I’m good looking, but not great looking. I’m a white, middle-class male. People generally trust me. I mean, all I have to do is play the dorky angle and I’m in. Never pop your collar. You can’t look sketchy. You have to pretend that hooking up is the last thing on your mind.

MS. MALONE
How do you do that?

CHRIS
Find something in common with them. A band usually works, a movie. Go on about it so that they keep talking, but don’t touch them- don’t give them any idea that you want to take them home. Be patient.

MS. MALONE
And then?

CHRIS
Then, it just happens….Usually I’ll pick a real band that I actually like. Most of the girls I pick, they listen to the same kind of music I do. I don’t plan it that way, it just happens. I mean, I guess it makes sense because I pick girls that I’m attracted to, right? Anyway, get them talking about the band. Then I’ll say I have a live album on my computer. I let them suggest that we go listen to it. I never ask them back, they always suggest it.


MS. MALONE
You find things in common with these girls. Do you ever find yourself developing feelings for any of them?

CHRIS
No.

MS. MALONE
Never?


CHRIS
You can’t…treat girls that way if you like them. You just can’t. The girls I…you know, they’re…objects to me. Yeah, more than anything I think they’re objects. You know what I mean?

MS. MALONE
Certainly. So is this something you plan on continuing?

CHRIS
I don’t…plan this…

MS. MALONE
You don’t? What about your strategies?

CHRIS
I-I don’t know. I just do it. I don’t plan on doing this my whole life. I…I just do it.

MS. MALONE
You talked about pretending to be quiet and sensitive. What are you really?

CHRIS
I’m… I’m not sure what you mean.

MS. MALONE
Who are you? What do you want to be? Where did you come from?

CHRIS
I don’t talk about this stuff much. I guess…I have a lot of friends. People trust me. They like me, I think. I make a lot of jokes. There’s nothing…well, you know, nothing special to tell.


MS. MALONE
So you feel there’s nothing special about yourself then?

CHRIS
That’s not what I said. I mean, I’ll be fine. Whatever I choose to do, I’ll succeed. I have a 3.7 you know.

MS. MALONE
I see. But why pretend to be someone else?

CHRIS
It’s…easier. It can be fun, too. Sometimes when I go out, I’ll think of what my backstory is. I’ll pretend that I come from this perfect family, that I’m this nice guy, no problems at all, just a guy who likes to talk about his favorite bands. I like that guy. Once we go back to my house, I’m me again. But out, I can be whoever I want.

MS. MALONE
At the beginning of our meeting you said you didn’t have any problems. Was that true?

CHRIS
No, I mean, everyone has problems. I guess mine are kind of stupid. My parents got divorced when I was little. And I know what you’re thinking…get over it, right? But ever since, my mom just lets guys treat her like crap. She wants a husband, you know? I always thought my mom was stupid. But then with Amy…I knew that’s how girls just are.

MS. MALONE
How is that?

CHRIS
Amy thought it was her fault. And it wasn’t! I told her she was crazy. I wanted her to fight back, to tell everyone, to not let me get away with it. But sh-she thought it was her fault, you know?

MS. MALONE
Do you think you raped Amy to test her?

CHRIS
I never thought of it that way before. But yeah, maybe. Maybe I did. I liked her.

MS. MALONE
How did you feel when you heard about her suicide?


CHRIS
I felt…sick. I know it’s my fault. I need to know what she wrote! Please, can you just tell me? Nothing leaves this room, right? So you could just tell me.

MS. MALONE
You know I can’t do that. What about the other girls? Were you testing them?

CHRIS
No. After Amy I knew I could do this a million times and get away with it. And I just couldn’t, you know, get excited otherwise. It’s messed up, I know. I mean, think about it…on such a small campus. How could you get away with it? But I do.


MS. MALONE
Are you proud of that?

CHRIS
Yeah, I mean, who wouldn’t be. You wouldn’t think someone could do this so many times and keep getting away with it. But it’s just like anything else. There’s a system. There’s a formula.

MS. MALONE
Are there any other rules?

CHRIS
They’re all pretty obvious. No last names. I usually use a fake name, but Chris is common enough that it doesn’t matter. The real key is what you do afterwards.

MS. MALONE
And what is that?

CHRIS
Make them feel like it’s their fault. Make them feel like something they said, or wore, made you get the wrong idea. Apologize. Not too sincerely, but say “sorry.” Blame it on alcohol. They’ll feel bad and they’ll usually be too embarrassed to tell anyone.

MS. MALONE
Are you always conscious about what you do in these situations?

CHRIS
Of course. I don’t like to take too many chances. I’ve never told anyone about this before. It feels weird to be saying it all out loud. I know it makes me sound…bad.

MS. MALONE
Why do you think that is?



CHRIS
Come on! I’m sitting her telling you about all the girls I’ve forced sex upon. You’re a woman. Do you feel safe with me? Don’t you think I’m a horrible person?

MS. MALONE
I’m here to listen, Chris. I don’t pass judgment.

CHRIS
But what if I told you I planned to keep doing it? What if I told you I was going to do it tonight? What if I did it to you, right now?

MS. MALONE
I’m here to listen, Chris. And I don’t think you are going to rape me.
CHRIS
Why not? You have something I want. I want to know what that note says…I could, you know. I could.

MS. MALONE
Is that why you keep raping, Chris? Is there something the girls have that you want?

CHRIS
You mean besides the obvious?

MS. MALONE
Yes. What is it that you want?



CHRIS
(long pause)
(quietly)

I want a do-over.

MS. MALONE
I thought so. Why?

CHRIS
I know that if I tried this crap with a really loud, bitchy girl she’d report me before I could get my pants back on…but I just wish that these nice, quiet girls would…


MS. MALONE
Do you mean to say you want to get caught?


CHRIS
No….maybe…I don’t know. I just want them to have some self-respect.

MS. MALONE
You haven’t respected them, have you?



CHRIS
(angry)

It’s not my job to respect them! They need to realize…prince charming isn’t coming. Guys are going to be shitting on them their whole lives…it’s their responsibility to do something. Not mine.

MS. MALONE
Are you saying you’re not responsible for the rapes?
CHRIS
Yes and No. They dress like whores. They drink too much…they…know. They know what they’re doing. And then they say no at the last minute. If they meant no…they’d have the self-respect to do something about it later. But when they keep quiet…it motivates me. I’m going to keep doing this until I’m convinced no means no.

MS. MALONE
Has Amy’s suicide convinced you?

CHRIS
The opposite. She gave up. She never talked to me again. She was scared of me.
(pause)
Look at me. I’m nothing to be scared of.

MS. MALONE
Why do you think she was scared of you?


CHRIS
She said so. I got mad. I told her if she was scared of me she should leave. She was crying.


MS. MALONE
How did that make you feel?

CHRIS
I wished I could take it back, you know? I wished I could have drank less…thought more…something. But I knew I couldn’t.

MS. MALONE
Amy wouldn’t forgive you?

CHRIS
That’s the thing! She kept asking me what she did wrong! She kept wanting to talk about it, she wanted to know if I was ok. It made me sick.


MS. MALONE
What did you do?


CHRIS
I told her to leave me alone. I told everyone who knew we were dating that she was crazy. I made up a story. I said she lied about some other stuff. I figured I needed to be the one to talk first in case she tried to tell anyone.

MS. MALONE
But she didn’t?

CHRIS
No, like I said before. She never told. She should have. She still had feelings for me I guess.


MS. MALONE
What makes you say that?


CHRIS
The way she looked at me. Whenever I saw her on campus after that, she’d just look at me. I’d hide under my hat or pretend not to see her.
(beat)

She always looked sad when I did that. I know it’s wrong, I do. But…I couldn’t look at her. Every time I did, I’d see the same thing.


MS. MALONE
And what was that?

CHRIS
The bruises on her shoulders. The way her face looked when she cried. Those images will never leave my head. No matter how many times I try to do it over.

MS. MALONE
Maybe she had images in her head, too.

CHRIS
I know that! I just…I need to know if I was the reason she…

(quietly)
I need to know.

MS. MALONE
Well Chris, I’m sorry to say I’m out of time. I have other students to meet with, I’m afraid. You could come back next week, if you like. My door is always open.

CHRIS
No thanks. You’re sure what I’ve said won’t get me in any trouble?


MS. MALONE
Of course it won’t. Though I’d recommend you begin some kind of therapy. When you’re ready.

CHRIS
Alright. Sorry to take up so much of your time.

(gets up and begins to leave)

MS. MALONE
Oh, and Chris?

CHRIS
Yeah?

MS. MALONE
In her note…Amy specified that you be given a message

CHRIS
Really?

MS. MALONE
She wanted you to know that she forgives you.

CHRIS
I’m sorry to hear that. I really am.



(Chris exits)
(Lights down)