A Dying Mother

to see her so defencless, in this fast hitting world
it just tears me apart
she used to hate me
but now she doesn't remember
does she understand?
can she make out what we're saying?
or is she as braindead as the doctors say
somewhere in my heart
i feel that she still knows
still knows her daughters
still knows how to speak
and still knows me
when she looks at me
i think that someone cannot possibly
look at someone that way
without thinking
something
does she remember me?
does she remember her children?
does she remember her husband?
does she remember herself?
does she understand what is happening to her?
does she understand that she's tearing people apart by just looking at them?
does she understand the effect her disease is having on the people around her?
she looks at her children
and they still call her 'mom'
but something is missing
the look in her eye
the way she used to respond with a 'yes lisa?'
her daughter used to complain about her
and now rarely talks about her
her friends ignore the fact
knowing that she does not want to talk about it
but what is it doing to her?
is it tearing her up like we imagine?
or is it fine like she tells us?
she goes about each day
pretending nothing is wrong
does she think about her at night?
does it keep her from sleeping long?
how could this happen
to her my best friend
i have a mother who loves me
hers is practically dead
does her mother know
what is going on around her?
that it was one year to the day
that the doctors found
this terrible disease
that cannot be treated
she wont really be all there
and that's the look in her eye
she isnt all there
and i ask God why
how could this be?
it shouldn't have been
being sick is for old people
it's not for mothers
does she realize everyone's life is crumbling?
when her daughter is scared
and her friends are crying
cause their lives are perfect
and her mother is dying


and just like that...
she's gone