The Pepsi is With You... Always

The Pepsi Will Be With You… Always

We see what appears to be the living room and kitchen of a HUGE Star Wars fan. The walls have several nicely framed Star Wars posters hanging under small lights. There is a life size Stormtrooper in one corner and by the couch is an R2-D2 with his lid flipped up and there are several soda cans and ice protruding out. There is a bookshelf that holds every Star Wars book ever printed. The couch has Star Wars pillows on it. The room is littered with Star Wars paper plates and cups. In the background you can hear the Imperial March playing and the television screen shows some Star Wars video game. In the midst of this there are two people sitting at the bar across from each other—a man and a woman. The man is 37, and the woman is in her late twenties. He is wearing a Star Wars shirt (albeit a nice one) and she is in a fashionable business suit and has a stylish haircut and her makeup is flawless. She looks like she just stepped out of a fashion magazine—she looks very out of place. Until she opens her mouth.

Rebecca
Great party as always Steve!

Steve
Thanks, the force was with us tonight.

Rebecca
(rolling her eyes good naturedly)
Did you hear Myron talking about trying to sneak into Skywalker Ranch again?!

Steve
(standing up and grabbing a soda from the R2-D2 cooler)
He’s such a geek.

Rebecca
Seriously. I overheard him talking to Peter and he actually has hopes that Anakin Solo isn’t dead! THEY BURNED HIS BODY IN DARK JOURNEY! He’s an embarrassment to the Wichita Falls FanForce.

Steve
(sitting down with a Pepsi can)
Oh, did you want something?

Rebecca
(wrinkling her nose)
Ew, no. You don’t have any Dr. Pepper. What’s with all the Pepsi?

Steve
Pepsi Corporation and George Lucas are like Han Solo and Chewbacca… well before Chewbacca died. You know, best buds. I don’t support any other carbonated corporation.


Rebecca
I think it tastes like feet.

Steve
Have you ever had any?

Rebecca
A long time ago. And it tasted like feet.

Steve
You should try some. I didn’t like it at first, but after spending the summer of 1999 looking for all 24 character cans, I learned to enjoy it more. I kept getting stupid Watto.

Rebecca
I’ll stick with my DP.

Steve
Come on Rebecca! Try some!

Rebecca
No!

Steve
Don’t be a Rebel. Turn to the dark side!!

Rebecca
Never.

Steve
You know you want to. Just a little sip. Join the Imperials! Drink Pepsi!

Rebecca
You know, I’ve never understood the lure of the Imperials. All you boys always want to be on the Imperial’s side whenever we play video games. I don’t get why you want to be the bad guys.

Steve
The lure of power. The hope that cute girls like you will find the “bad boy” thing appealing.

Rebecca
(Looking at his Star Wars shirt distatefully)
Stop wearing Star Wars logo polo shirts and spouting Star Wars philosophy for two minutes- that’s how you can get (using air quotes) “cute girls like me.” Seriously though, the Imperials were the end of all beauty and creativity in the Galaxy Far Far Away. Is the lure of power that huge?

Steve
I’m not sure. I think I’ve always viewed the Imperials as tactical genius’ which is why I guess they appealed to me. Plus, if I were a Dark Jedi, I’d get to use that blue lightening which would be cool.


Rebecca
I still don’t get it. They were oppressive dictators. Why would you want to be like that?

Steve
Haven’t you always wanted to be a Dark Jedi though?

Rebecca
I’ve always wanted to play the role of a Dark Jedi. There’s a difference.

Steve
Huh?

Rebecca
If George Lucas were to create a television series that starred a Dark Jedi I would be the first to audition, but if I were to actually pick a character to embody in the Galaxy Far Far Away it would be a Light Side Jedi. Playing a Dark Jedi would be fun because I would be playing someone so completely opposite of who I am. To actually BE a Dark Jedi doesn’t sound appealing at all. Get it?

Steve
(leaning toward her and grinning, his eyebrows moving up and down comically)
So do you wanna play the role of the Dark Jedi and drink the Pepsi?

Rebecca
No thanks. If I wanted to try Pepsi, I’d stick my foot in my mouth.

Steve
(laughing)
Got it. Hey, do you wanna see the new lightsaber I got from Master Replicas?

Rebecca
Of course.

Steve gets up and exits the room. Rebecca looks around and finally gets up and grabs the business section from the newspaper and sits back down on the stool to read it. She sits reading for a moment and then puts the newspaper down and looks at the Pepsi bottle next to her. She looks toward the door where Steve has just exited and grabs a cup and some ice from the counter and opens the 2 liter of Pepsi. She pours herself a drink and drinks it, her nose wrinkling in distaste and gagging slightly. Steve enters the room again this time with a realistic lightsaber in his hand.

Rebecca
holding the cup towards him
Feet! I tried some of the nasty Pepsi and it tasted like feet!

Steve
(crossing to her, setting the lightsaber down and picking up the 2 liter and turning it around)
You just drank my Darth Vader Pepsi. I’ve had it since the 7th grade. It’s 24 years old.

Rebecca looks towards Steve and he shows her the bottle. Lights fade as she turns a nasty shade of green.