Danielle or Maya Part 1

         The pills had been lined up perfectly on her bed and tears slipped past her eyes as she swallowed each one with a down of water. Tiredness swept past her, and she looked down at her bleeding arms. Cuts traced down her arms from below her wrist to her shoulders of each arm. Cliched but true, her life seemed to sweep past her; her dream was to be a doctor, someone that people could look up to, a person of healing, but maybe... no, her life was over, it couldn't come back she had just ended it. Looking at the bloody knife next to her bedside and the empty pill bottle she wondered how things had gotten so bad. Blackness clouded her vision and then let up like a storm blocking the suns view, then the darkness clouded her senses and she retreated into it.

         Voices pierced through the blackness, but she couldn't move or make a sound, so she listened. “Oh my god! Blood is all over her! Call an ambulance, hurry! Someone please help!” Scrambling feet and then a thud. “Oh my god! Blood is on the floor too! Help, come to my house now! My daughter… she’s hurt real bad… ohmigawd, I don’t know what happened just please come now… she has cuts all over her… ohmigawd. Ohmigawd, ohmigawd. Please help!” A woman was hyperventilating, nd after awhile she heard an ambulance and could feel hersef being lifted onto a stretcher. Why was she aware of these things? Why was she still alive? Why couldn't she feel anything? She felt as if she could get up and say hello, how are you, mum; but her body wouldn't obey her so she layed there.
“She’s hurt real bad. Probably suicide. I just hope we can save her.” A man close to her said. It was then that the blackness clouded over and again she succumbed to it.

         “We need to take her over to ER immediately, she looks as if she’s in a comatose state.” Rushing and squeaking sounds filled her ears, which were picking up everything. Her body still wouldn’t obey her and she was surprised she could even hear. She felt a small twinge as she realized a needle was stuck in her arm, she didn’t know what was in it, but it caused her to jerk and twitch uncontrollably. An uncontrollable urge to get up was undeniable but something still held her back, in spite of all that her muscles wouldn’t move as she wanted them to, insisting on twitching.
Again, she yielded to the darkness.

         A light was shone in her eyes, and she could still see the bright light as bright as before. “Her eyes aren’t dilating; not only did she cut herself she took drugs. I don’t think they were the illegal kind but she overdosed on something. Do you know any pills she takes?”
         “Nothing that I know of. She might’ve gotten some over-the-counter stuff and used it.” Her mother suddenly sobbed, “Why would she do something like this?”
         “That’s what I hoped you would know. Has she been acting unusual lately? Depressed, forlorn?” The doctor asked.
         “I haven’t been home lately and we’ve missed the mother-daughter time that we probably should have spent together.”
         “That might be the problem.”
         “Mum…” she groaned.
         “She spoke! Oh, dear!” She felt her mum come over and lean next to her bedside. “Can you move, honey?”
         Again, the movement was impossible; she was barely able to mumble that one word. She was ready to try to talk to her mum but the darkness decided to take over again.

*          *          *

         I woke to a white room with blue curtains surrounding my bed, why was I in here? What was I doing here? A middle-aged woman was sitting next to my bed, her head resting on one of the pillows next to mine. A monotonous beeping was consistently sounding, as well as the steady snoring of the woman next to me.
The door slowly opened and a nurse came in, “Ah, you’re finally awake. How are you feeling?”
         “Ok, why would I be feeling any different?” Looking down, I saw myself in the white clothes of a patient and I saw many bandages on my arms; weirdly enough though, they didn't hurt. So why were their bandages on them? “What’s wrong with me? And why am I in here?”
         The nurse looked at her and sat on a chair next to the bed, "You don't remember?"
         Shaking my head, I asked, "What happened?"
         "We believe you attempted suicide." How could someone say that so calmly? My body started convulsing again, and pain suddenly blinded me, and I could somehow tell where the pain was coming from, my arms were burning! They were burning! Someone was screaming, all my muscles were twitching and I couldn't do anything about it. I wished the screaming would stop, but my vocal chords started to ache and I realized I was screaming. Suddenly everything stopped and the blackness appeared out of nowhere.

         "Doctor! Doctor!" The nurse screamed. The beeping came faster and faster as her heart rate sped up and then it flatlined. Taking out the defribulator, several nurses and doctors rushed into the room, and prepared her for the defibulator. "One, two, three, clear!" The steady sound still came from the machine, "One, two, three, Clear!" The beeping came again, and she was brought back to life.

         I opened my eyes, and looked at the man standing next to me, "Are you feeling alright?"
         "Yeah, why?"
         "You don't remember?"
         "No."
         "You had a heart attack." Why did I not remember this? I feel just fine, I didn't have a heart attack. I was supposed to have slurred speech or something if I had a heart attack, I feel just fine. I. Who am I?
         "Excuse me, but do you know who I am?"
         "You're Danielle, of course."
         "No I'm not, I am I."
         "Yes you are, just as I am I, but your name is Danielle."
         Danielle, that sounds weird. I am Danielle, not I, and I attempted suicide, and had a heart attack, so why haven't I died yet?
         "Why haven't I died yet?"
         "Because we've been trying to keep you alive."
         "If I attempted suicide doesn't that mean I didn't want to be alive?"
         "Danielle!" A strange woman ran into the room. "OH Danielle, you're alright!" The strange woman gave me a hug.
         "Who are you?"
         "Danielle?" The woman gasped, "You don't know me?"
         "Why would I know you, are you of some type of relation to me?"
         The doctor pulled aside the woman into the hall and started speaking to her. The woman gasped repeatedly and started crying, why was she crying? I was tired of thinking of all these questions so I laid back in the comfortable bed and fell asleep.

*          *          *

         "So when do you remember this woman." The nurse showed me a picture of the middle-aged woman that was next to my bedside.
         "I remember her from when I woke up, I don't know who she is."
         "Alright, thank-you for your time."

*          *          *

         "She doesn't remember anything, I believe she has amnesia."
         "We'll do some more tests but, the possibility is there, she may have gotten it from OD between the drugs that we gave her and the drugs that she took there's a lot of stuff floating through her blood that could've done something to her brain."
         "So we just need to do the final testing and then send her to a psychologist and make sure she gets lots of care."

1 Year

*          *          *

Later

“I saw the woman when I woke up, but I have no clue who she is. And for the second question, I suppose I can guess but that won’t help.” Again, I looked down at the mysterious bandages and at my unfamiliar hands that shook when I raised them.
“I’m not sure… I’ll have to make a few tests but I believe that when you overdosed, and attempted suicide, you got amnesia. As I said before, we’ll have to go through a series of tests and I’m not quite sure how you got amnesia from OD but… things can happen.”
“Well, let me take these tests, but I don’t really care either way.” I told him, and then I lay back down against the thin hospital pillows and felt sleep take hold.

I woke to no one in the room; my clothes that supposedly belonged to me were in a neat pile on one of the chairs. Looking at the bandages on my arms, I took one of them off; shallow cuts covered my arms, they were obviously still healing. Wrapping them back up in the same bandages, I changed quickly; luckily my coat hid the bandages on my arms. Sneaking out of my room, I also quickly got out of the hospital. Looking about me, I saw everyone doing their routines and I wondered how they were able to go through lives like they were. Still, I joined them, going around acting as if I knew exactly what I was doing. Though I knew I would have to leave this place soon, I still stayed. Watching one particular person was interesting, learning their different habits. One man always kept brushing his fingers together when speaking to another person. Another girl would always flick her hair flirtatiously at guys who never noticed, because she wasn’t very pretty. Yet another man went and picked his nose whenever he thought no one was looking, and obviously since I’m able to say it, he did not succeed.
Finally finishing with watching the boring routines of other people, I ready myself to leave the town. Looking at different maps I quickly figure out how to get out the quickest way. Apparently I am in a town called New Jersey, in a state called New Jersey, and a country called North America. I can, no, will go to New York... where it looked quite big, which means that there are probably plenty of jobs. Jogging in the sidewalks I quickly see that many people go faster with the buses, so taking some weird looking pieces of paper that I suppose are money, I meet the next one and pay the bus driver and get on it to New York. It takes about thirty minutes to an hour, (I'm not quite sure because I was sleeping at one point) but I finally arrive in New York.
Again, I follow a couple of people to understand the difference in habits from New Jersey to New York; the way they walk and act is totally different than the New Jerseyans: the New York people seem more rushed, as well as they motion a lot with their hands. But, wait! A flash of color catches my eye. Suddenly a jerk went through me as a man jostles me as he passes, and I lose sight of the color I had seen. But wait! There it is! A man is walking through the sidewalks, and he has black hair pulled into a small ponytail that trails down to his shoulder blades, but the flash of color I saw earlier is a blue highlight that is about two inches long along, and then there looks like gold in his hair. Not real gold, mind you, but gold highlights, like blond that was gold. If you don’t get it, that’s okay.
I decide to follow him next. He doesn't really have any habits to note, his walk is graceful and fluid, according to my impression, he does’t smile easily and I suddenly have the urge to make him smile. Smile and laugh. Deciding to remember him, I leave in search of a job.
Soon getting hungry, I look for some type of money in my pocket. A twinge of panic shoots through my heart as some memory came back… and it just happens to be that, that morning, as I was getting ready to start the school day, I put my wallet in my pocket. Putting my expectant hand in my pocket, I feel for the wallet, to no avail. There was no wallet. Then… the jostle! That jerk, he stole my wallet! Anger flashes through my mind, how could he? But… it was New York… ach!

In New York, it is indeed a Starbucks on every corner, wait, how do I know that? Where did that comment come from? Oh well, I open the door to one of the stores that proclaims HELP WANTED. Going up to the lady at the counter, I ask about the job. “Do you still need help?”
“Yes... wait... how old are you?"
I quickly shoot out the first thing that comes to my mind, "Seventeen." That does sound about right, but it makes me so angry not being able to remember.
"Oh good, we’ve been needing someone for the longest time, can you start today?”
“Sure, but don’t I need to fill out an application?”
“No, you’re hired, here’s an apron, here, and I’ll show you how to work the different machines.” The next hour, since Starbucks isn’t getting any business at the moment she shows me all the machinery. As my training finishes the door rings, and the first customer comes in. But, goodness gracious! It's him! The man with black hair and blue and gold highlights.
“Oh, Sarah, I see you’ve finally got someone new!” The man says.
“Hey Yuki, your usual?”
“Yep.”
Sarah gives me his order, “Hey,” she whispers to me, “his usual is a white chocolate latte, decaf. Extra whip cream, he always gets it, he’s a daily customer. Oh, and what’s your name?”
My heart fills with sorrow and my mind wonders and tries to remember my name, but nothing comes, so I decide to make it up, “Emily.” Quickly filling his order I hand it to him, “Wow, faster than Sarah.” He jokes, then pays and leaves the Starbucks.
“Good job, kid. Good show. Well, now you have a full day ahead of you.” I look up at the clock and I'm surprised at the time: two o’ clock.
“What do you mean full day?... it’s mostly gone.”
“Nope, this Starbucks stays open till ten o’ clock on Saturdays and Sundays. Will you take first shift?”
I really need the money, “What are the times?”
“Seven-thirty to five o’ clock, or you can take the second shift, five o’ clock to ten, but that doesn’t pay as much, and we need more help with first. Then with weekdays, they’re the exact same hours.”
I think my hoping to see this ‘Yuki’ again was more wanting than the money, because I answer with first.
On weekends at exactly one fifty-five, Yuki shows up and orders his usual. Sometimes he would sit and drink his latte; sometimes he would leave. The day after I gave him his order, Sunday, he talked to me while he was drinking his latte. “Hey, you.”
I glanced up at him, realizing he was talking to me. “Yeah?”
“What’s your name? And why don’t you have it on your tag.” I suddenly realized, that even though I had told Sarah my name was Emily, I still hadn’t put it… maybe it was something on purpose… maybe it was because Emily wasn’t my name.
I looked at him and wondered what he would say to my answer, ‘I have amnesia.’ Not really knowing what gave me this courage, I did tell him, “I don’t know.”
He looked at me strangely, and then grinned, “You don’t know?”
My heart jumped when he grinned, but the reason was wrong. “No, I have… I have… amnesia.” The last word came out as a whisper.
“What was that you said?” Yuki asked me, he looked concerned.
“I have amnesia. I can’t remember my name, or my last name or much of anything else so I can’t answer your question… I’m sorry.” I blushed then turned as the phone rang.
“Hello, Starbucks, how may I help you?” I listened to the order and quickly filled it, as I waited for the person who ordered it to come.
“You didn’t answer with your name.”
“No, I told you, I don’t know my name.”
“I’ll name you.” Yuki offered.
“What?”
“I’ll name you. Give me your tag.”
Slowly unpinning the ‘I AM _______ HOW MAY I HELP YOU?’ tag I handed it to him.
He took out a sharpie and wrote in ‘MAYA’. “That’s your new name, how do you like it?”
“It’s beautiful.”
He laughed again; I made him laugh! “Thanks. My name’s Yuki Johnson.”
I paused, taking in the name. “Okay Yuki, my name is… Maya.”
He laughed again, “I’m glad to have made your acquaintance, Maya.”
Finishing the last drags of his latte, he got up and threw it away. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Hearing those words made a jolt of joy go through my heart, and I couldn’t help but jump in joy as soon as he was out of sight. A snort of laughter was heard behind me though, and I slowly turned to see Sarah holding her mouth, and shaking with laughter.
“You like him, then?”
“When I first came here, he was one of the first people I saw. And immediately, like…” I snapped my fingers, “that he came into focus.”
“Yeah, he has that affect on people.” Sarah laughed.
“Interesting…”
Finishing that day’s work, I headed towards one of the stores to get some more clothes now that I had more money. Yesterday I had been able to board with Sarah, she agreed to let me stay with her, and so she took off some of my pay money, but that was just fine. It was a good thing I was being paid today too, I didn’t have any other clothes then the ones on my back, so I had to wash them yesterday. The only trouble was how to find out what clothes I could wear; I hadn’t been able to figure that out yet, where was the thing that told you what size you were?
Opening the door to the cloth store, I headed towards the women section, and immediately found several clothes I found a liking to. Taking several different sizes of the shirts, I headed towards the changing area. Luckily for me, as I reached the counter, I saw Yuki.
“Yuki! You work here?” I asked.
“Oh, hey Maya! Yep, so what do you need?” Yuki questioned.
“I don’t know what size I am, so I’m trying these on, with different sizes. Unless, you know where to find the size on the clothes I’m wearing now.” I stated.
“The tag is in the back.” Yuki explained.
“What tag?” I questioned again.
“The tag that says the size is on the back.”
“Where in the back?”
“I think it’s easier to check it for you.” Going in back of me, he takes the top part of my shirt and flips it inside out and checks the ‘tag’. “You’re a size 4/6 in shirts.”
“What about the pants?”
Yuki looked at me in the eyes and suddenly blushed. “You want me to check your pants?”
“I don’t know how.” I told him innocently. What was the problem anyway?
“…” Yuki blushed, and then went behind me. Putting tentative hands on the small of my back, he quickly turned over the tag on the pants and let go quickly. “You’re a size 4/6 in the pants as well.”
“Good, that’s easy to remember. Can you get a couple shirts for me, I don’t really care what they look like.” Holding the shirt I had in my size, I walked in one of the changing rooms and switched shirts. Cracking open the door, I looked for Yuki. Sitting in one of the chairs, he held two shirts in his hands. “Hey Yuki, can you get me a couple of pants?”
“Sure, here are your shirts.” Yuki gave me the shirts through the door crack and went in search of a couple of pairs of pants. Looking at myself in the mirror, I surveyed my unfamiliar face and body. I had long black hair with red highlights, I had a sharp nose and high cheekbones, and my black eyes stared towards me, taking in myself. It seemed as if I was about as tall as Yuki, and he was indeed tall.
“Maya, your pants.” Two pairs of jeans came over the door, and I promptly pulled the pants on. Coming out of the dressing room, I showed Yuki the pair of pants and the shirt I was wearing. “You look really nice.” Yuki informed me.
Replacing the shirt and pants in the dressing room, I swiftly changed and kept showing him the different shirts accompanied by the two pairs of pants. “All of those are so cute on you, Maya,” he said as the last shirt and pant combination was showed to him.
I changed back into my regular clothes, and then came out with the new clothes in hand. “Thanks for helping me, Yuki. See you tomorrow.”
I returned to Sarah’s house with clothes in hand, and spread them on my bed. Folding them, I heard Sarah ask me, “Will you be going to school, tomorrow?”
“What? What are you talking about?” I confusedly asked.
“High school, don’t you go to school?” Sarah inquired.
“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that, is it alright for me to be second shift on weekdays, first on weekends?”
“Just fine.”

Knowing that I had to go to school, now, I wondered how exactly I was going to manage this. Having amnesia is horrible! But… in some ways… I like learning things over again, it hardly frustrates me not remembering, but I’m just happy the way I am.
Out of the blue, numbers came into my head. 555-1470. Picking up the phone, I dialed the number and heard the ringing.
“Hello?” A voice called.
“Do you know me?” I asked.
“Is this a prank call? I’ve had enough with this, why do you people do this to me! Just because I have a daughter who has amnesia, why do you take it out on me?”
“Are you the middle-aged woman next to my bed when I woke up?”
“…” I heard on the phone, I wondered if she hung up. “Is this… is this Danielle?”