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I deliberately stepped on every crack in the sidewalk as I made my way to Molli’s house. I was already having a bad enough day, so a little bad luck wouldn’t hurt. I walked slowly trying to convince myself that Molli would understand. Molli always understood. Something in my head kept telling me that she might not. I was screwed if she didn’t. But in a moment of panic, she was the only person that I could think of to tell.
I keep wondering why this had to happen to me. It seemed unreal. Like a dream. And yet for some reason I felt like I’d known all my life. At least on some level.
Now that I knew I didn’t want it to be a secret that I kept inside of me for the rest of my life. That was where Molli came in. I had to tell someone before the people in my life started to wonder about me. Before they started to wonder why I hadn’t went on dates with girls in the three years that I had been in high school.
People always make assumptions when they don’t have all the facts.
I could see someone at my school starting rumors about me saying that I was a fag. Maybe this was a coincidence, but my friend Jake telling me this is what made me really worry about my sex orientation.

We had been sitting in the café across from our school when he had asked me.
“Why is it that you don’t date? You’re a junior in high school and you haven’t had a girlfriend.”
I’d just stared at him. “I’ve never thought about,” I had told him. Which was true. I’d never given girls much thought.
“Well maybe you should before people at school start thinking that you’re a fag or something.”

Just because Jake appeared homophobic, I didn’t want to assume that Molli would. Assumptions don’t replace the facts.
Soon after that short and disturbing [on my part] conversation, I asked a few girls out on dates. But I didn’t feel anything for them. No, I couldn’t feel anything for them.
And then it seemed like the truth had finally sunk in. Maybe it had been slowly sinking in all my life. I just hadn’t been paying attention.
I don’t date girls because I ‘m attracted to guys and I am scared to tell my best friends and family because I don’t know how they will react. I don’t really understand it myself. I’ve never really thought about what sex I was attracted to, but now that I know what my true orientation is, I’m afraid of what everyone in my life will think. It’s a secret that I don’t care to keep. I hope that by telling Molli, it won’t be so terrifying when the truth finally comes out. There isn’t a step by step instruction guide on how to tell your friends and family that you are gay. So I’ve rounded up all the courage that I could find and I’m going to tell my best friend everything.

Her house comes into view as I turn the corner. A three-story made of bricks. Of all the people in the world to tell it has to be Molli. I keep repeating that statement over and over in my head, trying to convince myself that I’m doing the right thing.
I knock on her oak wood door and hope that she isn’t home. My luck has failed me once again. The door opens and Molli is smiling at me with a twinkle in her eyes.
“Are you stopping by for a chat or did you just want to say hi?” There is amusement in her voice.
She can’t read the seriousness on my face. “Can we talk?”
This is my chance to turn around and take this to the grave. But, there isn’t a very good chance that I’ll die before she too starts asking questions it’s now or never.
For some odd reason, time has sped up and somehow I have made it off the front step and into Molli’s sitting room. She excuses herself for a moment which gives me time to think. I haven’t figured out how I’m going to spout out this information. I could just tell her that I’m gay and offer no backup story or any source of how I discovered this trait about myself.
Or I could take a more complicated approach and start with my lack of dating throughout my first three years of high school. I should have thought this through before I came over here. I realize this all too late as I hear her footsteps coming down the hall.
“So,” she says bouncing onto the couch, “did you want to talk or what?”
It’s time to let it out and although I don’t feel that I am ready, something tells me that I will never be truly ready but this can’t be something that I hold inside of me for forever.
“Molli,” she turns her ice blue eyes on me and I let it out, “I have something to tell you................”