41 Things Men Do Wrong In Bed?

1. One of the things on the list of what guys do wrong was that we move a little when getting head. Where humping the shit out of your face because it feels good. Giving a blowjob is like the talent part of a beauty pageant. Do you wanna win, or do you wanna whine?

2. You want us to shave? Next you'll say we need to change our underwear everyday. Ha! Why do you think most guys don't wear tighty whiteys?

3. Don't play with your nipples like we're tuning in Tokyo? What's next? We cut off our diplomatic ties with Japan entirely?

4. Don't cum too early, don't cum too late? Yo, my dick is like a god: it works in mysterious ways. Just be happy it's not all over your Prada bag!

5. I don't think it was on the list, but I know girls think this: take off your socks when having sex. You fashion nazis, what are you gonna do if we don't? Come up with a final solution?

6. There's a list of 41 things men do wrong. Men have a list for women too, but it's much shorter: Feed us, fuck us, then shut the fuck up. Every girl fucks up at least one of those 99% of the time, despite the fact that it's so easy.

7. You need a fucking doctorate in anatomy in order to properly eat a pussy. If we spend too much time on your clit, just be happy we found it, and quit bitching.

8. Girls, listen up closely... Don't ask us if you look fat, especially when you're hot. We don't ask you if a pair of pants makes our dicks look small, because chances are we don't want to know. Chances are you don't want to know what we think either.

9. By the way, anorexia isn't hot. Looking like a twelve year old boy doesn't win any points with me, nor most guys. We want something to grab onto, and a little cushion for the pushing. Would you hump a brick wall? That's what skinny bitch butts feel like.

10. When we have sex with you, try putting a pillow over your face. I don't know why, but that's pretty hot, regardless of how you look.

11. You want us to be in charge of condoms? Then you have to be in charge of snacks and refreshments! I already said this, but it really can't be stressed enough. Sandwiches and beer are perfectly acceptable, and should be standard practice by now. Guys, how come we haven't established this yet?

12. Sometimes, it really is an accident when we go for the wrong hole. Just guide it in! You don't expect food to fly into your mouth on its own, right? Same concept applies.

13. When we take you out on a dinner date, eat. Why don't girls understand easy concepts?

14. I dated a girl who told me she had sex with two guys at the same time once. Later, bitch! Don't let the door hit your slutty ass on the way out.

15. Girls, don't be afraid to kiss and fondle your girlfriends from time to time. It's just an idea.

16. It's hard to come up with things against girls, because in the long run, you are all so fucking adorable. So before I completely run out of steam, I have just a couple more things to say. The most important is, don't get surgery. This is really my own personal idea, and other guys may disagree, but here's my reasoning: It's fake. You can take a guy, and turn his christrod into a taco, and you can give him breasts, and whatnot, but it doesn't erase nature's original intention. I don't want any of you to do that either, because it's wrong. It's worse than abortion, floppy pancake tits, and bad breath combined. If you think of getting surgery, the only thing wrong with you is your brain. In other words, get a fucking personality. The only acceptable surgery is the one that makes your vagina smaller. That's fine.

17. If you can't cook, keep it a secret. I don't wanna hear that, because it makes you less hot.

18. Don't make guys watch Sex and the City. We don't MAKE you watch us play videogames, you just don't know how to give a man his space.

19. that's it, peace.