The Phone Call

The Phone Call

“I have a gun.”

“Mark, it’s three in the morning.” Leslie managed, her brain slow, not actually processing.

“Yeah.”, Mark replied, the singular word expressing total loss. He had come to the point of killing himself, and the only person he could think to tell, didn’t even care.

“What did you say?”, Leslie asked, now more awake. Her eyes refused to open again, and she could let herself fall asleep so easily, it was so tempting.

“I said, I have a gun. I am going to kill myself.”, Mark repeated.

“What? Why?”

“I can’t live without you.”, Mark confessed.

“Is this supposed to impress me?”, Leslie asked, “Am I supposed to be flattered?” As a point in fact, this was the most bracing thing Mark had done. His typical demeanor was so low key, she finally broke up with him because any future with him would have been as bland as oatmeal. “I’m sorry Mark, it’s over. I mean, come on, a gun?”

She heard him cock it over the phone. She knew enough from TV that the ‘hammer’ part of the gun was ready to spring forward, once he pulled the trigger. It would slam heavily into the back of a bullet, and send part of that bullet forward through the barrel.

“I’m sorry, Lez.”, Mark said, “I’m screwing this up too.”

“Don’t do it.” Leslie was finally awake to say the obvious.

“But you’re the one. Now I’ve lost you forever. Even if I could be Him, you’d never forget this call.”, Mark sounded like he had been crying, and was all cried out. The emotion was still there and raw, but he could summon no more tears.

“Who told you there was only one person for you?”, Leslie asked, “They lied.”

“Everyone knows that.” Mark said meekly in his defense.

“Everyone?”, Leslie replied, “So it’s common knowledge? Jesus, Mark, it’s not like the movies. People fall in and out of love all the time. It’s not predetermined, it’s not fate, it’s just how much crap you’re willing to put with, and how hard you are willing to work.”

Only silence came back as his reply. She could hear him breathing, heavy, labored breathing. He was not in control. “What’s next Mark?”, she prompted. Again only silence.

“If you kill yourself, how is that going to make me feel? What kind of screwed up life am I going to have? Are you really going to do that to me?”, the anger rose in her voice. If he did care for her, he would not do this, but she knew he wasn’t thinking that way. How did he get so obsessed? So extreme? That wasn’t like him at all.

“Why didn’t I make you happy?”, Mark asked, once more exposing the most raw part of his soul. If she slapped him down now, he could never recover.

“You are a nice man.” Leslie explained. “But ultimately we would not be happy together. I spared us both from that. I know you don’t see it, but please believe me, there is someone out there for you. Someone who needs you to watch over her, protect her. Love her.”

“I don’t know.” Mark was lost in a vortex of thought. His thoughts would not connect, would not find cohesion.

“Just sleep on it, Mark.” Leslie pleaded. “Things will look better tomorrow.”

“Will you come around?”, Mark asked.

“No.” Leslie had to be firm. “But you will.”