River of No Return

My mind draws a blank.

Who am I? Where am I?

How did I get here?

And what is that annoying beeping sound?

Make it go away. I’m so tired. I just want to sleep.

Ahh, to sleep. To feel no more pain.

I think Shakespeare said it best. “To die, to sleep and by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks the flesh is heir to! ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.” For that’s all life is isn’t it? Just one heartache- one pain- after another? Why wouldn’t one wish the gift of death if it could end such tribulations? I feel as if I am being to morbid for my current situation though. I should be happy to be alive right now, so why do these thoughts still flood my brain?

But I fear I have digressed and have not answered my first questions.

Ahh, yes, I remember everything now. My name is Sandra Peace and I am in the hospital. I came here rushed in by an ambulance. And that annoying beeping- my heart monitor.

As far from the truth as it sounds, I didn’t wish myself here. I didn’t wish myself dead. I don’t believe I wish to die now. Although, it might be a nice reprieve from the pain exploding from my right shoulder.

No, one of my classmates sent me here. He didn’t want to live. He wanted death’s black shroud to envelop him. He just wanted to make sure that a few of his classmates went with him.

He knew who he wanted to escort to death’s black gates. He was kind enough to make a list. A list of all of his classmates who relentlessly teased and bullied him every chance they had.

I wasn’t on the list, but I took the bullet all the same.

He didn’t mean to shoot me- the only person in school who didn’t treat him like dirt. The only person who would smile or wave at him as he passed sadly down the hall.

It wasn’t me he was aiming at. It was the guy sitting next to me. Aaron- the jock, the most popular guy in school that everyone wanted to be, the one who tortured Shawn the most.

Shawn pointed the gun right at him.

Somehow I managed to rise to my feet. “Shawn, don’t do this, it isn’t worth it. There’s no coming back from this. Think about what you’re about to do,” I said, my voice shaking, but it was no use. My words had no effect.

“Everyday,” Shawn said, his voice shaking with fear and rage, “Everyday they teased me, bullied me, beat me!” His voice was growing stronger now. “I never did anything to them. Nothing to deserve it.

“Now it’s their turn- their turn to feel the pain. I have come to a river of no return...”

And he pulled the trigger.


You always think of how you would act if you were put in this kind of situation. You ask yourself if you would be the hero that selflessly jumps in front of the bullet, putting your own life in danger for your fellow man, or would you play the coward who just sits and watches your classmate’s life ebb away as blood rushed from his now helpless body. You can never really know for sure what you would do until you are actually presented with the situation.


I lunged in front of my classmate, and took the bullet that was meant for him. I don’t really remember deciding to jump, or even jumping. All I remember is seeing Shawn’s finger slowly pull the trigger and the feeling that I didn’t want my classmate to die- not like this. He was too young, he still had his life ahead of him. He had a full ride to the University of Texas ahead of him. I couldn’t let his life end like this. The next thing I know, I am lying on the floor, my shoulder on fire, watching the blood flow from my body.

Then, I hear and see something that will haunt my dreams for years to come. It was Shawn.

“No... this wasn’t supposed to happen... I...”

Then, another gunshot and thud as Shawn’s lifeless body hit the ground near me. I looked into his now lifeless eyes. Shawn was no more. He had taken his own life. I saw his blood join with mine on the river we had created on the floor. Someone might have screamed, but I didn’t hear them.

Then, my world went dark.

I awoke to a terrible ache in my shoulder, tubes and wires running everywhere, the annoying beep from my heart monitor reminding me and everyone else within hearing distance that I still lived- I made it out alive when others did not. That thought brought upon a sadness that seemed to fill my entire being.

I closed my eyes hoping to escape my thoughts of the events that led up to this moment. His blood was everywhere I looked. I saw a face full of pain, devoid of hope. Then, devoid of life.


“‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.”


“You found a way to end the heartache, the pain that human flesh is heir to. I only hope that in the end you found peace.” A single tear slid down my cheek as I said goodbye to the tortured soul that was Shawn, hoping that he slept the peaceful, dreamless sleep that only death can give.