Society Bites Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons to Celebrate the City…

10. There are more shopping malls per square kilometer than doctor’s offices. A visit to Just Cavalli is far more pleasurable than an appointment with your gynaecologist.

9. The weather allows you to see women in hot pants 365 days a year.

8. It is socially acceptable to nip out for a pint at lunchtime.

7. The incestuous ness of Dubai Society mean your can get the dirt on any new person you’re dating - your lawyer your doctor and your grocer all went out with her before you

6. The weekend is Thursday-Friday for some, Friday-Saturday for others , so you end up not working for all three days.

5.. Everyone you see in a nightclub looks like they have a personal stylist.

4. The city is continually infested with international models, actors and opera singers on debaucherous nights out.

3. You can become a millionaire simply by starting a trendy media house with two friends and the guy you met at Ginseng last night.

2. You can spend your hard earned millions in a day and a night out.

1. The gossiping nature of most of the people in the city mean your partner is definitely gonna think twice before cheating on you!



Society Bites Top Club Cliches

Dubai’s Club Cliches

Emily, Mohammed, Peter, Nora, James, Khaled, Matthew….The names may be different every night (and with an uber socialite like yourself, ofcourse it’s different names every night!)…but after a lifetime of parties - or three weekends in a row atleast - all these varied people start to settle into simple little club clichés. Maybe it only seems that way because the friendly folk at Infusionare a pair of not-so-friendly bitches. But whatever it is, we’ve noticed quite a few stereotypes on our sojourns around the city and we have a feeling you’ve noticed them too…

Sandra the blonde crew member – There isn’t a ladies night or open bar in town that isn’t frequented by the Sandra’s of Dubai. Physical characteristics include bleach blonde hair (natch), shiny makeup and backless tops. Fendi bags are found on certain species of Sandra.

Marcus the ad exec – Marcus has been in town for seven months and already drives a BMW Z3 to and from his appointments at Nail Bar. Most commonly seen out with his ‘mates’, Mathew is the one at the front of the crowd pumping his fists and shouting ‘WICKED!’

Rafiq the underage guy – Rafiq has been scamming his way into clubs since he was 17 (he’s now 19). In addition to his meticulously produced fake ID’s, Rafiq works his magic after carefully rehearsing his scripted dialogue.
‘Come on man, I’ve been coming here for ages’
‘Look guy, I just left my passport at home ok..’
‘I’m 22, no I swear’

Thomas the raver – Many believe the rave culture died in the mid 90’s, or atleast when the general public got sick of lollipops and smiley faces - but Thomas still clings to his roots. He’s the guy in the darkest corner of the club wearing baggy jeans and a tie dye t-shirt. Helpful hint, when you’re in the middle of the dancefloor fishing about in your handbag for your lipgloss, head on over to Thomas. His complex glow-stick dance performances should light up the corner (and your handbag). No need to stumble around in the dark with Thomas around!

Melissa the socialite – Going out is practically a profession for Melissa who is forever seen at the big parties and always has her picture taken with a glass of champagne for company. Nobody really knows what Melissa does for a living, but she lives in the Fairmont Residence and has four cars, each a different colour to match her Nokia X Press on covers.

Maya the Club Kid – Dressing up for a night out is never a casual thing with Maya. Her ensembles are forever changing, one week she’s trashy 80’s punk, the next week she’s….trashy late 80’s punk. Net skirts, fingerless gloves and geometric eye make up are Maya’s signatures, that and her ultra cool-ultra disconnected dancing. Watch out for her next week. She’ll be by the bar in a torn wedding gown and knee high steel-toed Doc Martens.

Pierre the tourist – In a city fast becoming the tourist capital of the middle east, we are forever plagued by the Pierre’s of the world. Pierre is forever to be found in faded backpacker gear, his matted hair held up in a pony tail by a piece of string, he’s only in town for a week, but still cannot believe the larger than life paradise he has found himself in. Take a picture, Pierre has a gaping mouth, eyes wide open, clueless quality about him that comes out wonderfully in pictures.

Moustafa the ‘Habibi’ – Moustafa always has the best tables and the largest entourage of beautiful girls in the club. A devastatingly good looking charmer, Moustafa knows everything about everyone , is forever on his phone and can usually be found behind the booth, sharing a drink with the DJ and organizing the after party.

Ben the artsy hipster – Ben loves his slouchy jeans and limited edition ‘I Love Berlin’ Adidas trainers. He would like to think he’s beyond clubbing in general, but strangely enough, he’s always out, and always at the big parties. Bumping into Ben usually involves a ten minute conversation about the cool new art-school rock band along with discussions about the state of independent record labels today.

Karl the 'DJ' - Despite the fact that Karl only recently bought himself a pair of decks (he's still figuring out how to use the cross fader), his record collection is at a measly 12 and he still refers to his beats as 'songs'; Karl is forever going on about his DJ status. If he heard about it on Juno, he's telling you about at Sho Cho's. Don't even think of mentioning 'Detroit techno' cos this boy will talk your ears off - all the while proving he knows less about the subject than a tone deaf Abba fan.





The Speakerlove Top Ten Places to Bust a Move

Ok, so everyone does top tens. Nick Hornby, Dave Letterman, every Tom Dick and Harry blogger on the big bad internet. Well, we didn’t promise you a ground breaking website. Actually we’re not too good with promises, not after the last time when Ala. forgot to get the TV fixed. That time lead to dishes being thrown around the kitchen and Pixie breaking a nail . So yes, we promise not to promise. Instead, we vow to make this site a place to share music and stories and pictures (and shoes hopefully, size 38). So in the interest of sharing here is our ‘Top Ten Places to Bust a Move’.

10. Waiting in line to get into your favourite club
Nothing clears a space and gets you closer to the velvet ropes than a high kick or two. We suggest getting your girlfriend to do the kicks, high heels do the job even quicker.



9. On the street corner
Finding a cab at four o’clock in the morning is never easy. With the aid of some flash body popping, freestyle break-dancing manouevers however, you’re sure to catch the attention of the next passing cab. You might also catch some other unwanted attention, but your dancing talents need to be recognized, surely?

8. In line at Starbucks
There’s nothing better than practicing your disco funk when you’re surrounded by harassed individuals desperately waiting in line for their caffeine fix before they get late for work. Try to involve someone in the queue in your dance routine, we suggest the uptight business executive in the white pant suit, she would love to be twirled around the coffeeshop.

7. At your next important meeting
You can be sure of selling your idea/pitch with the help of some carefully choreographed pirouettes. If the chair you’re sitting on has wheels, feel free to incorporate it into the routine – nothing screams professionalism like a dancer with props.

6. At a game of pool
You didn’t really think those pool tables were for knocking balls about in, did you? You poor disillusioned young child, they are specially built and perfectly lit podiums obviously! Just make sure you position your feet carefully, those balls can be a bitch to slip on.

5. In a movie theatre
We personally feel that Gigli would have been a more enjoyable movie if the audience got up and danced everytime J.Lo opened her mouth. As most of the gaffes in the movie were hers, Gigli would have been a real dance party extravaganza, with cartwheels in the aisles and sexy slow dancing in the back.

4.In yoga class
Channeling your chakra is all well and good but Downward Facing Dog doesn’t have half the funk as doing The Worm next to the bendy woman who has her feet at her ears. Those yoga mats are there for a reason, use them to their full potential with a retro themed floor routine.


3. In the dentist’s chair
Let’s face it, a trip to the dentist does not spell F-U-N. So up the flavour the next time you have to get a tooth pulled. Watch your dentist’s face as you move your head from side to side. Marvel at the motion of the drill as you continue to bounce in your chair. We cannot guarantee a pain free visit, but F-U-N for sure!

2. In an elevator
The mirror allows you to practice your hard-to-execute moves. Involve high energy rave style jumping if you sense one of the other passengers is getting uneasy. The rocking caused by your jumping will be sure to put him at ease.

1.In front of the speaker
Well ofcourse! Dancing in front of the speaker is practically our mission statement. There is no better place to bust a move, whether it’s a slow sexy shuffle or a funky step-right-step-left. The speaker is yours to straddle, we think.




Society Bites Top Ten Reasons to Party more in 2006


10. Your ‘lounging around the house’ clothes aren’t half as sexy as your booty hugging club ensembles. Trust us, your other half is sick of seeing unwashed hair and Gap Intimites. Jump in the shower and stick on the Dolce, for crying out loud!

9. Hangovers are the best way to get through work. You get no work done, catch up on sleep in the boardroom and get to be horrible to co-workers.

8. The more time you spend at home, the less likely are you to be on the VIP guest list. Bouncers don’t get to know your name when you’re staying in watching Dawson’s Creek, you know…

7. The chances of you meeting strange, wonderful people in strange and wonderful ways will diminish the more you chill out at home. Remember that shared cab ride with the half Swiss half Guatemalan Interior Designer and the ridiculous conversations in the kitchen of some random stranger’s house? Well we can assure you, that won’t happen on your next trip to Spinneys.

6. Hanging around the house listening to cheesy disco tunes leads to silly dancing. Once you get into the habit, you’ll be stirring the pot and picking fruit for good. The hustle is not a good dance move to impress the girls at Trilogy.

5. Staying in will result in increased viewing of racy soap operas. Without your weekly appearance at Peppermint you’ll be starved of your precious dose of Dubai’s salacious happenings.

4. It’s more socially acceptable to get drunk in public, surrounded by large groups of equally inebriated people, then to get wasted alone at home in the bathtub.

3. In the land of ‘out of sight, out of mind’ you might find yourself bombarded with phone calls to see if you’re ok. Surely you must be on your death bed to miss the two drink special on Tuesday night?!!
Worse still, you might not be checked up on at all. As far as the scene is concerned, you’re out.

2. Regular nights out means you can stay in touch with all your ‘club’ best friends. You know, the ones you kiss hello and dance topless with but don’t know their second names or what they look like in the daytime.

1. Because going out every night is the best excuse to put on a flashy outfit, dance like something exotic and end up in a stranger’s house at 5 o’clock in the morning – and not get a bad reputation




Society Bites Top Ten Ways to Get Through the Work Week



10. Have a ‘Thank God it’s Sunday’ breakfast party. Get some muffins on your way in to work and park them in the conference room. Your colleagues will love you, plus it’s a proven fact that sugar works wonders on a hangover.

9. If you work in a relaxed office, indulge your weekend spirit by dressing just a little bit sexier. Put on a short(er) skirt and heels or a tight black shirt with your favorite Puma’s. If you’re stuck in a corporate executive prison, be a bit more creative with your sexiness – a lace camisole under your suit (for either boy or girl!) should work just fine.

8. Have a liquid lunch on the first day of your working week. Toast the new week and light up a cigarette in celebration. Stumble back in to work three hours later or take the rest of the day off!

7. Spend the whole of Monday morning reading clubbing and nightlife magazines (shameless plug!) and going through your hideous party pictures. Get up close and personal with Photoshop and fix the little flaws – touch up the makeup here, erase the drool there. After lunch, print out copies of your newly retouched pictures and pass them around to colleagues. Just because they’ve blocked out their weekend doesn’t mean that you have to forget yours!

6. Get in touch with all your promoter friends and get flyers for their upcoming parties. Wall paper the office and underground parking lot with notices for next Thursday’s activities. In addition to adding colour and form to the interior design of your work environment, it serves as an informative guide to events in the city.

5. Design a ‘Countdown to the weekend’ website and try to get it online before the end of the day. Set the clock and sit back in glee. Only three more days to go!

4. Get in to the office bright and early on Tuesday morning and proceed to install the disco light above your desk. Rest assured, now all who come in to the office will get to see you in your best angle .

3. With the aid of your newly installed lighting, plan out your hairstyle for the coming weekend. Up and messy? Or down and asymmetrical? Make appointments for a cut, colour and manicure then go back to planning your weekend.

2. Check the message board on www.countdowntoweekend.com and add a few replies. Send a mass email to all your mates with the url and spend the rest of Wednesday on the message board trading gossip and fashion advice.

1. Arrive at work Thursday morning armed with shot glasses and a pair of your favorite sunglasses. Line up the glasses on your table and treat your colleagues to work friendly shots of espresso. The weekend is here baby!




Society Bites : Top Ten Ways to Beat the Dubai Heat


10. Adopt nudism as your new mantra.

9. Take up figure skating and spend your days and nights at the Ice Rink.

8. Pretend it´s minus degree weather and walk around in a parka. You
won´t feel any cooler, but it´s the thought that counts, surely?

7. Shave off all your hair and refuse to leave the five metre radius
around your AC.

6. Prepare a themed playlist on your Itunes and listen to songs like
´In the Cold Cold Night´ on repeat.

5. Go through your old pictures and paste the ones from ski trips and
forest getaways all over your desk at work.

4. Refuse to wear anything other than your bikini all week.

3. Take atleast one sick day every week and complain of heat
exhaustion. Spend that sick day in the pool with a mojito and a
naughty smile.

2. Speak to your friends who live in colder climates and brag about
the warm weather. Note : Brag about the warm not scorching weather

1. Get on the next flight out of Dubai.