Emptiness

When I catch myself daydreaming preparing my mind for deep thoughts, I shake myself but uncontrollable I drift into this involuntary state of mind again.
I sit here unaccompanied thinking of what lies ahead in the coming month, awake and dazzled, so confused I cannot think of how I am going to strive through this month.
The thought of turning my light switch off and surrounding myself in darkness scares me, my body now aches with fear, especially knowing that I have to lay my tender body down to sleep and the worst is knowing I have to wake tomorrow and tackle all this again.
I sob inconsolable; my tears may not always appear visible to the naked eye, but they are there and until the day they disappear, I will suffer with a common illness a broken heart. It begs to be mended, and to be allowed stay mended. It has been ripped apart and left there in pieces, like a glass shattered into fragments only left to be picked up, particles of glass never to be brought back to its full content, right now I am an unfixable pane of shattered glass.
Frustration soars threw my corpse; anger rages threw every vein I possess, torment takes control of my every day thoughts and decisions. I want god, our precious saviour to ease these unwanted feelings and grant me the wish to stop breathing, I want him to take every inch of oxygen out of my body and free me of all this pain, for it all just to evaporate.
As I lay here and I write this, I write this for myself. For me to realise what has happened and how truly hurt I am. It is a reality check for me, everyday when I awaken; I read this back out aloud. Just so I can realise that he just didn’t want me anymore. I never want to hear it from him, I want myself to realise and try understanding why one day it was perfect and the very next day my whole world fell apart. These are the questions I need answered; this is the reality of it, because if I don’t comprehend, how will I ever move on towards a brighter future? Unless I don’t want to accept it and I dwell on it for the remainder of my counted days, but I fortunately I am a strong woman who wishes to pursue every dream and ambition. I am a river that never stops flowing.
I love him; and he will always hold a very sacred place in my heart. I will always love him no matter what he has done to me, he made me complete, I wished for nothing more only to be in his arms every night and feel his love for me, but now it has come to an end and nothing I could do in this world can change it. It has gone and gone forever. You do but I don’t think we should go our separate ways.
My precious friend I want to thank you for giving me the courage and opportunity to write something that means so much to me. Thank you