A look to the past

A look to the past
Distant memories floating in my head like a bomb
Touching the heart
So unsure
But driving me forward into a future I can not imagine
It's too dangerous
Where will I be
I want to be good
I want to be free
I want to find myself on stage
With a purple rose at my feet and the curtain closing
I want to find someone behind the shadows
In my room behind closed doors
I want to dance in the dark
And realize a part of me that was never alive
A part of him no one ever knew
I want to find myself behind a sheet of paper and a pen
In a photograph
In a million whispers I caught in my ear
In a touch I never knew was real
I want to travel to a country
And wake up in a sweat
I want to sleep in bed with a fan going
And a window that lets in the breeze after the heat
I want to stand in the rain
And wait for someone to bring the sunshine
Or a raindrop to hide the tear
Or a thousand raincoats to wrap my soul
I want to fly
I want to be
I want to speak
And bring about that in me which was always lost
And I want to say goodbye
To a face I never knew
A face that left me
A hand I never held
A thousand dreams I never made
And a kiss to close my lips
And my eyes so I may never see
I want to be free, and found
And lost so I may be on my own
And find my destiny
And never need to rely on an illusive dream
I never forgot... your smile
Or that way you looked in my eyes
Or the way you sparked my imagination
And my heart
A pulse I could never slow down,
Not for the life of me
But I find myself, here alone
In a white sheet flowing from my body out the window like a bird
While the world's sleeping
And I'm at rest
In the sweet silence before the birds sing
I'll find my peace,
Someday...