Price I'd pay

Looks like this is my price to pay
Inside your heart I long to stay
I cry and I plead on the inside, but I tell myself that I’m okay
Just one more morning, just another day
The daylight I can’t find, and so I lose my way
Falling more and more into this false sense of security
It’s a lie and my mind hides itself in obscurity
Left with a heart of impurity
These feelings tear at my skin like claws
They scratch and their raw wounds reveal my flaws
I cry out so desperately but you can’t hear my calls
I can’t deal with this pain that I find so unfair
Your existence like wanted answer to a prayer
With shovel in hand, I begin to dig my own grave
I no longer carry the strength to be brave
I run and I run, I run until my lungs explode
But no matter how far I go, time has slowed
I continually find myself searching for your face amongst the masses
To once again feel your lips before that moment passes
The sweet tender taste of lavender upon your lips
My worlds lost to this eclipse but in my mind, my hands are holding your hips
I whisper your name, and try to find a picture that could fit the frame as perfect as you
But nothing can compare to your smile, and this is something I always knew
I feel your body so close to mine, the warmth permeating my blood
But I can’t get that close and so my eyes cause another flash flood
I reach for you every night only to find my worst expectations confirmed
The devastation broke me at my foundation, leaving me infirmed
I can remember the way you used to touch me,
No body understands the way things are done, and they are left too blind to see
This god forsaken world has collapsed and faded to black, leaving me crushed beneath the debris
I try to stand but I’ve been cut off at the knees
My heart wanting to be free to flee, but my dark self is wanting to go on a murderous killing spree
People fall, angels will burn even god himself will feel this spurn
Dark clouds may crack with thunder, but my heart cracks with ache twice as loud
Left all alone behind this smoke screen shroud
Promised to never leave you, promised you forever and this I vowed
Promised to always love and cherish you and this I will be proud
Because I know you know me the best,
You know how to love me better than the rest
But this cold knife digs into the skin, and all he can do is watch and grin
Each inch I carve, I wonder how you’ve been
Blood flows from these vibrant veins
They’re nothing but shackles and chains
Everything’s become to heavy a burden for me to carry
My chest wont take in the air and the way the light is fading is getting scary
The lights go out and I’m left in the solitude of a single thought
I’m wrought from fraught of distraught
Can’t escape this prison on the inside, my self made cell
Catacombs and dusty dungeons make up my own privet hell
You turned your back, you shed your tears farewell
But this war’s still raging, this battle I’m still waging just can’t be stopped
With the prick of a needle everything just popped
The worlds left in chaotic state and I’m starving to death
My pulse has faded, my heart has stopped
My lungs keep expanding but I feel so out of breath
Your skin has become my bread and your words my wine
Each time I drink from you, I take a longer and longer sip every time
I get to feel so drunk that the pain my chest just goes the fuck away
You used to hold me, and I used to listen, you used to tell me you loved me and I used to tell you it was okay
You tell that love hurts, that you are cold and gray
But give me one more chance and I’ll resurrect what we had from the ashes of our cataclysm, I’ll rebuild to make this love stay
Don’t turn your back on me, to don’t fade away
Because you always wanted to help me and if you leave now it just won’t be okay
I can’t take this feeling of loss that’s emerged, and I won’t go another day
I’ll reach into the sky and for this, there’ll be hell to pay
Fates twisted us against each other, like we were toy soldiers
Its torn and strewn our emotions and led us astray
I swear I’ll be here in the end, because it’s the only place I feel comfortable with
But this pain tears at my mind and lashes out at me, leaving the pain to make me writhe
I contort and I break each and everyday I am with out your loving grace
So I beg you please, oh please turn back and let me see your face
Let me expend the last bit of innocence in your loving embrace
Let me ring out this all these tears of the disgrace of my broken brace
I fell so fast, oh how I fell so fast
I kept falling and I wanted it to last
Now that its passed its sent my mind reeling and my emotions are peeling so there’s no reason for the process of healing
You said I hurt you worse than anyone’s ever hurt you before
Like I held the gun and shot straight for your core
You’ve no idea the blindness I was succumbed to
The hell that every inch of me put me through when I came to realize I was without you
I said okay but I was lying, I was trapped inside and that’s where I’m dying
I claw at myself like an animal; I claw at myself like a beast
I claw at myself until I feel some kind of release
I feel everything breaking down in my mind,
Like the gears are shattering inside my skull
The worlds shine has become dull
My breath is inhaled and then expelled and I feel short of wind
I lean forwards try to grasp something as I once more begin to bend
My stomach is twisting into knots and I’m not strong enough to tug them free
What no one can see is that I’m falling apart and my body is giving me the burn of a third degree
I could keep on rhyming with these words, but the only message that could be conveyed is that I love you
I’ll stay here until you love me too
You are my Heaven, my angel and the goddess of my dreams
With out you there is nothing that is as it seems
I’m walking around in this dark room looking for your face; calling for your name
I guess is the price I’ll pay and gladly I will, I’ll pay it for the chance you’ll love me the same.