Seelia

         We need to talk. Those four, fatal words have brought many dreams crashing down on many, many heads, young and old alike. The crisis that those words represent haunt each person’s memories and dreams and lurk within the shadows of the thoughts we have tried to hide. But they always come back.

         “Nolan, you’ve got to do it, man.” Andrew pressed as he turned onto Merideth’s street.

         “But…I can’t, Andy. I can’t. You just don’t understand,” Nolan groaned. “I just…”

         Andrew cut him off. “Look, Nolan. You really have no choice.” Andrew paused to look at his friend. Nolan looked completely dead. There were bruised looking patches under his eyes and his hair was standing up everywhere. Andrew sighed. “Do you love her, Nolan?”

         Nolan rubbed his eyes. “Yes.”

         “You don’t want to hurt her, do you? You don’t want to put her in danger…do you?”

         “No! I don’t. You know what, though? No matter what I do, it’s going to hurt her. I love her so much. She’s all I have…” Nolan’s voice cracked as his eyes began to flood.

         “Think of it this way,” Andrew said, “You got yourself into this one. You shouldn’t start something that you can’t finish.” Andrew stopped his car next to the curb. He shifted into park and gave Nolan’s shoulder a little pat. He dropped his voice a pitch lower and said in a husky voice, “I know you love her. That’s why you’ve got to do this. Think of her, man.”

         Nolan paused, and then he opened the car door and stepped out. His heart began beating faster as he saw Merideth, leaning against the porch railing, and Lenox, seated on the top step. He saw Lenox look at him and clear his throat to get Merideth’s attention. Merideth slowly turned around and Nolan saw her eyes light up. He loved the way she smiled whenever she saw him. Her smile made the room brighter. But today, that smile just made him cringe inside.

         Merideth hurried down the stairs and came towards Nolan. She slowed her pace and Nolan noticed worry lace its way through her face.
He heard himself speak, but he couldn’t make out the words.

         He felt himself lead her further away from her front porch and he felt himself talking again. He had no idea what he had said, but as soon as he quit talking, the light behind Merideth’s eyes turned off. It was like everything inside of her had shut down.

         Then, shattering his heart, he heard her say, “It’s alright.” With the last word, she turned away and hurried quickly back to her porch. Nolan wanted to reach for her. He wanted to tell her that he didn’t mean any of it. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, yet he felt a chasm open up between them – and he knew there was nowhere to go but down.

--

         Merideth sat; leaning against the porch rail, chatting away to her neighbor, oblivious to the fact that Andrew’s car had just pulled up. Her neighbor, Lenox, cleared his throat and Merideth quit talking. She looked around and was delightfully surprised to see Nolan, her boyfriend, emerging from the passenger side of the car. Merideth sprang to her feet and greeted Nolan with a cheery “Hey!” and a wave. She walked swiftly down the porch steps towards him. Merideth slowed her pace as she realized that he did not look happy.

         When Merideth stopped tentatively in front of Nolan, he placed his hand on her shoulder and looked intently into her face. “We need to talk,” he said.

         Merideth silently nodded her consent and let Nolan lead her farther from her porch. Merideth turned and looked at Lenox, who was watching her worriedly. For some reason, Merideth felt an overwhelming sense of dread fall over her.

         “Mer…I can’t stand to do this…but I can’t be with you anymore,” Nolan began. “It’s not you, it’s me. We can still be friends.”

         Merideth hardly heard the second part. She felt her eyes go out of focus. She couldn’t see anything. She faintly heard Nolan ask if she was going to be all right. Merideth’s eyes suddenly snapped back to focus. She saw Nolan looking at her, apparently uncomfortable. She felt more than saw Lenox’s eyes burning into her back.

         As if from a distance, Merideth heard the rattle of Andrew’s car. Then she heard her own voice, remarkably controlled and devoid of emotion. She replied, “It’s all right.” She gave Nolan one last look and turned back to her porch. She made her way back to where she had been sitting and resumed her conversation with Lenox.

         To all outward appearances, nothing had happened.

--

         Lenox watched, worried, from a distance. Lenox did not know the guy well, but he knew that Nolan made Merideth happy. And Merideth’s happiness was all he cared about. The look on Nolan’s face caused Lenox to think that he was not happy to be here.

         He continued to watch Nolan’s face as he spoke hurriedly to Merideth. Merideth turned around – and to Lenox’s surprise – she looked scared. He watched as Nolan led Merideth farther away, and he began speaking again. The look on his face was grim. It seemed he truly did not want to do what he was doing.

--

         Merideth kept herself composed until she heard the death-like rattle of Andrew’s ’89 Nissan Sentra pull away from the curb and disappear down the street. Blinded by a red-hot rage, Merideth felt herself stand up and lunge for the nearest deck chair. She saw the chair flying through the air and crashing against the front wall of her house. Before Lenox could restrain her, Merideth had destroyed three chairs, four clay flowerpots, a dinner plate, and the two front windows of her home. Merideth finally collapsed, devastated and shocked, crying at Lennox’s feet. Her body felt like it had lived through a thousand years of war.

--

         Nolan was silent. He couldn’t find any words to say to express any of the thoughts that were currently flinging themselves at the walls of his brain. He was silent and still. Nolan couldn’t help but remember when he had met Merideth. He would never forget how she had ran into him and knocked him down into the mud outside of the Barnes and Noble store in their town. She had apologized quickly and when she returned from inside, she found him sitting on the bench outside the doors. Merideth had laughed and offered to buy him lunch.

         “I just had to get this book,” she had said, showing him the latest James Patterson novel. “He’s my favorite author and I’ve been waiting for this book for months!”

         Ever since that day, Nolan and Merideth had been great friends and then, eventually, a couple. Merideth was everything that Nolan admired and enjoyed. She was perfect. She was his nirvana. She was the complete opposite of everything he had pursued earlier in his life. She was nothing like Seelia. Nothing at all.

--

Nolan,

         Father is upset with you. You shouldn’t have treated his princess so inconsiderately. You were supposed to be his successor! Father wanted me to tell you that nothing has changed. Nothing at all. You will marry me. We will be happy. You will be part of The Family. If you refuse, I must most regretfully inform you that you’re darling little Merideth shall meet Father. And when she meets Father…well…you remember what happens to those that Father disapproves of…

         Nolan remembered very well indeed. It had been almost a year before. June. Nolan and Antonio, Nolan's best friend, had gone with Seelia to her father's lake house to escape the hot, sticky streets of Chicago. Seelia was beautiful. Not just beautiful, but that kind of Italian beauty that kept Nolan from thinking straight when he was near her. Her long, shiny, black hair reminded him of the dark night sky of his hometown in Alabama: black, beautiful, and full of glowing stars.

         Antonio thought so too. And, it transpired, Seelia admired Antonio as well. Nolan had returned to the lake house one evening after making a trip to the market in the small town on the other side of the lake to find Seelia and Antonio in Nolan's bed. All at once, Seelia's screams of pleasure turned into shrieks.

         "Nolan! Help!" she cried. "I told him no! I didn't want to!"

         Nolan turned his back and left.

         A few hours later, Seelia managed to find Nolan crammed into a cleft of rock on a cliff over the lake. Nolan heard her breathing hard and felt a vindictive pleasure that she had to exert some effort for a change.

         "Nolan, you're being silly. Come back to the house," Seelia cooed. "Father would be angry to know that you allowed your best friend to rape me. How do you think he'll react when I come home crying that I was violated by someone that you hold in such high esteem?"

         Nolan turned his head and glared at her. "Antonio raped you? You certainly sounded like you were enjoying it," Nolan sighed. "Don't try to take advantage of me, Seelia. Not this time. I've had it."

         Seelia stood up quickly, her voice now hard. "Fine. I suppose that you would like to know that Father is at the house, paying Antonio a little visit." Nolan looked around, panicked.

         Seelia giggled. "I bet Antonio's having lots of fun with Father. I'm sure they're discussing...fishing and swimming. Or something of that nature, anyway." With that, Seelia turned and flounced away, evidently pleased.

         Nolan stood up slowly and checked his gun. It still felt odd to him to carry one, but when you worked for Andre Ritocelli, you carried at least one gun if not five at all times. Nolan clicked the safety off and ran towards the house.

--

         Nolan had reached the house just in time to see Geraldo, Ritocelli's personal bodyguard, toss Antonio into the lake from a high embankment. Nolan heard the rattle of chains and knew that Antonio was still alive, but bound and weighted. Nolan turned from the lake to look at Seelia's Father, the Boss.

         "I thought you would make me proud, Nolan," he growled. "You've always treated my Seelia the way I would expect anyone to treat her, like a princess. But," he indicated the lake, "evidently your poor choice in comrades has hurt my little princess. I have decided not to take it out on you. This time, at least." Ritocelli sighed and rubbed his eyes. "One more screw up from you, Nolan, and you'll be having dinner with your little buddy and the fishes. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"

         Without waiting for an answer, Ritocelli and Geraldo got back into Ritocelli's car and sped off down the dirt road. Nolan felt Seelia come up next to him. She put her hands on her waist and rested her face against his shoulder.

         "Why don't we go inside and get some rest, baby," Seelia murmured. "You've had a rough day." She grabbed his arm and started leading him towards the house.

         Nolan finally felt himself becoming angry. He stared at the spot on the lake where he saw Antonio disappear. His heart began to race. He realized he was crying. He turned to look at Seelia, her olive skin making her glow in the moonlight. "No, Seelia," Seelia gasped. "I do not want to go with you anywhere anymore. I'm leaving. Got that?" She glared. "Good, I thought you would understand. You're a smart girl."

         Nolan walked to his car and drove away, leaving Seelia scheming in the dust.