The truth about forgiveness

Forgiving, we all remember the first time we had ever heard the word, like the day the bully at school push you down or perhaps it stuck with you in other cicumstances like in a breakup with your first love.

First love. We manage to forgive and get past that as far as the most of us I am speaking here. What process did we go through before we totally LET GO of the emotions we attached to this person (which in fact didn't belong to him or her they belonged to us which is the beginning of forgiving).

Lets say Lisa was your first love and you Paul well loved her to death. Poured her with affection, gave her all you had emotionally and financially. Then one day, not even as a surprise, Dear Lisa, said she needed to move on.

I am sure you can still feel that bottom bit feeling in your stomach even if it was 20 years ago. What happened that help you to heal, forgive her and most importantly yourself so you could move on and not stay stuck in a moment you couldn't get out of.

Well I believe and I have to imagine cause I am not you, that you took time to stay away from Lisa and in that time began to see the signs of her doing and your own doing that helped the relationship come to an end.

So either you go to your friends for support and talk and drink of course maybe not for some but you socialize the whole thing out (the relationship) ya know you check what the dudes think and pounder on those thoughts as well.

Then you are back with your ownself again. But now accompagnied by these nice suggestions, bits of advice etc. You may even be confused and just want to jump into the arms of the first girl willing to listen to your story and believe me she will and on top of it tell you she'll fix it.

But that don't work cause what happens when she's gone. So you have to really be honest with yourself here, how did you lose the love of your life? How, what did she contribute and what did you contribute.

When you get that down your sailing. Now, let's say you were workaholic and were seldom home. You know realize it and you realize you still are. So what are you going to do about it. It forced you to lose your first love among other things you had done as well as Lisa's doing.

Okay, do you drive yourself into your work forgetting this lesson, do you try to make changes, do you do something for God's sake. How can you forgive yourself and Lisa for this loss?

Well, you realize the workaholic attitude, other doings persay in your case and acknowledge them to being your contribution to the loss then you match them to Lisa's doings. Now this is the shakey part. Do not make the mistake of saying it was her fault or it was your fault we are learning to forgive her and most importantly remembering that humans ain't perfect so when that sinks in there will be no more war (a little comment I had to add).

In most cases of the forgiveness of our first love we just realize that we did our best, know we may still have some feelings for the person but realize it is in everyone's best interest to let go and to let go is to Forgive.

I truly wonder if the word Forgive wasn't invented to remind us that we're not perfect. Maybe the word perfect shouldn't exist. That would be another essay. This perfection thing has gone to far, we have to perfectly break up, perfectly forgive it gets crazy. Maybe a new word should be invented and I am very open to those who have ideas as to what it should be.

Forgiving means guess what oops I made a mistake, or oops I ain't perfect, or letting go of someone/someting. It's so easy in an essay but so complicated in the emotional world with all those wounds we carry through life with us no wonder forgiving becomes a word from outer space.

Anyhow, I hope I have awakened some curious people out there. Life is full of these lessons and I have figured the lessons can't even be counted cause they are infinite.

Chin up people but most of all SMILE.