Passenger Seat

“You have GOT to be kidding me,” Kayla Ling was saying into her cell phone. “You forgot? You just forgot that your daughter is two hours from home and you need to pick her up?”

It was nearly two in the morning and Kayla was shivering under her pink hoodie, which wasn’t quite warm enough to sustain her through the biting November wind. Her long, glossy black hair flew in front of her face and she brushed it aside impatiently. She was standing outside of that idiot Mike Leaveston’s summer house, the autumn leaves blowing past her feet. That fucking Mike Leaveston, who had come up with the brilliant idea of driving everyone on the Academic Team after the meet in his dumbass van to his stupid log cabin that was two hours away...to his party. A party! In the middle of the woods! Why Kayla had even come in the first place was a total mystery. She didn’t even like parties. She much preferred to sit in her toasty, warm house and curl up with a good book...

The party hadn’t been too bad at first. She’d talked to her friends, had some punch...but then Mike just had to bring the beer in, and all hell broke loose. Kayla eventually had been forced to hide in a closet when Mike kept making stupid come-ons to her. The idiot. She had come out only when mostly everyone had left, which had been at midnight. Mike had been passed out on the couch, as were various other people in scattered parts of the room. Kayla had called her mother to pick her up, and now there she was, standing outside with no ride and no way to get home for another two freaking hours.

“I’m sorry, honey,” her mother said apologetically on the other end. “I was going to leave, but then little Chester woke up and started crying, and by the time I got him to sleep I was so tired myself, and...”

Kayla snorted. Baby Chester, always screwing everything up at the worst possible moment. What the hell kind of name was Chester, anyway?

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Mom. I guess I’ll just wait her for another two hours—”

Suddenly, Kayla saw John Waters coming out of the backyard, his hands in his pockets. Kayla’s breath caught in her throat. His bright blue eyes twinkled in her direction, and his black shaggy hair fluttered in the wind.

Her eyes caught his for a second, and she felt that strange connection she always felt when she looked at him. Her heart started pounding furiously and she felt her face turn red.

“I’ll give you a ride,” said John suddenly.

“Hold on a sec, Mom.” Kayla put her hand over the mouthpiece. “You’re not drunk, are you?”

“No,” he said. “I was in the shed, reading.” He took a book out of his backpack, which was slung lazily over one shoulder. “I drove here in my car.” He pointed to a gray Buick on the driveway.

“Oh, okay.” Kayla returned to her phone. “Never mind, Mom, John’s giving me a ride...John Waters. He’s on the Academic Team...no, he hasn’t been drinking...Mom...MOM...Mom, stop freaking out! It’s no big deal...oh, Mom, please!” Kayla hissed the last word in disgust and flipped her phone closed. Honestly, John raping her and leaving her on the side of the highway...her mom was so paranoid...

“Thank you so much,” said Kayla gratefully, rushing over to John, who was already opening the passenger door for her. “I really appreciate this.”

“No problem,” he said, and waited until Kayla was inside before closing the door.

He settled into the driver’s seat and started the engine. He looked oddly tense and stiff as he backed out of the driveway. Kayla looked at him curiously, then gazed out the window at the starry night sky. She was probably imagining things...

They pulled neatly out of the driveway, and John rigidly shifted into drive and drove slowly and carefully down the gravelstone path. Kayla closed her eyes as the crunching of gravel under the wheels reached her ears; she lost herself in the moment completely, savoring every moment John was sitting next to her.

Her feelings for John had never been simple, never been easy to explain. He was a year older than her, a senior, strong and stoic and silent. He was not the best-looking guy she had ever met, yet the most appealing she had encountered so far. Kayla had never had the courage to speak to him before, this elusive, mysterious man (for he was not a boy; that word did not do him justice), but yet there she was, in his car, with him driving her home. It was almost like a dream; she was convinced she would wake up at any moment, any second.

She opened her eyes and looked up at the large, silvery moon casting its white light upon them. It was mystic, almost surreal, the moon. It followed them everywhere they went, always watching.

They sat in silence for a while, until John reached the exit for the highway.

“Oh, crap,” he muttered under his breath.

Kayla turned to him, alarmed. “You do know how to drive, right?”

“Of course I know how to drive,” said John. He took a deep breath, then merged with the scarce traffic. They were slowly gathering speed to obey the speed minimum.

“Okay...okay...okay, we’re good,” said John, sounding thoroughly relieved. There were practically no cars around, so they were not in danger of traffic jams or collisions.

After a few more minutes, John said, “You can put in a CD if you want.”

Kayla felt warm and affectionate towards him at that moment for reasons she didn’t fully understand. “Where are they?”

“In the glove compartment.”

She opened up the glove compartment and was surprised to discover that the entire thing contained a plethora of CDs from every possible band you could think of. After getting over the initial shock of seeing this sight, she moved aside CDs, looking for a band she liked, when she saw the Death Cab for Cutie “Transatlanticism” CD.

I knew I liked you for a reason! she thought giddily to herself as she took it out of the compartment and closed its door.

John looked over a smirked, then turned to face the road again. “Death Cab for Cutie, huh?”

“Yeah,” said Kayla, putting it into the CD player. “They’re my favorite band.”

John merely smiled as the familiar jarring note of “The New Year” began. Kayla leaned back in her seat, closed her eyes, and smiled. Could this get anymore perfect?

Well, yes, thought Kayla. Things can always get better. Or, they can get worse...they could definitely get worse...

She went over the various things that could go wrong, like an accident, or John telling her that he hates her guts and leaving her on the side of the highway, or...then she told herself to shut up and enjoy the moment, because it wouldn’t last forever.

So everybody get your best suit or dress on

Let’s make believe that we are wealthy for just this once...

Kayla smiled in contentment. This was her favorite part of the song.

There’d be no distance that could hold us back...

John was humming along to the song, and Kayla allowed herself to look over and soak in everything about him. The gray sky cap on his head, his perfectly sloped nose, his black zip-up hoodie, his eyes, those amazingly blue eyes...

Kayla looked away before he noticed that she was staring at him. She curled her legs up underneath her and stared out the window at the passing trees, which were going by in a green and brown blur.

The CD continued to play, and John continued to hum the songs, “Lightness” with some difficulty.

When they reached “The Sound of Settling”, John actually began to sing:

I’ve got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots

That my tounge has tied off

My brain’s repeating

If you’ve got an impulse, LET IT OUT!

But they never make it past my mouth...

Kayla looked over at him in astonishment. John had the most beautiful voice she’d ever heard...she’d had no idea that he could sing that well! He didn’t even sound like himself, but more like a professional lyric baritone singer. Why hadn’t he joined chorus?

Bop ba, bop ba

This is the sound of settling

Bop ba, bop ba...

Kayla waited until he was finished with the song, then said, “You sing really good.”

John seemed very pleased. He smiled and his chest puffed out slightly. “Thank you,” he said with utter sincerity.

He started singing the next song (“Tiny Vessels”). His voice soared, sending little tingles of happiness all throughout Kayla’s body. The noisy guitars started and John’s voice became more intense.

I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking

As we moved together in the dark...

As all the loudness faded, so did John’s voice, so lovingly that Kayla actually felt some semblance of tears form behind her eyes. She blinked and the urge to cry passed.

Kayla looked out the window for the umpteenth time as John started singing the part where the guy is breaking up with the girl. The moon was still following them...it was full tonight, she noticed. She felt the most content than she had in a long time. How was it that something so simple could make her so happy?

John sang “Transatlanticism” and Kayla allowed a slow smile to spread across her face. She hoped that John was not looking at her reflection in the mirror...not that he would.

I need you so much closer...

As the song continued, Kayla suddenly remembered what the next song was—“Passenger Seat”. She shifted uncomfortably and wrapped her arms around herself as the smile slowly melted off her face. That was bound to be awkward...

“Transatlanticism” drew to a close after many heart-pounding minutes, and Kayla’s head began to swim and she felt slightly woozy. She wrapped her arms more tightly around herself.

The piano notes started, and Kayla shifted in her seat again. She could feel John’s eyes rest on her, then look away.

I roll the window down

And then begin to breathe in...

Kayla took a small, private deep breath to calm her nerves. The song wasn’t too long; she’d make it through...

The darkest country road

And the strong scent of evergreen

From the passenger seat as

You are driving me home...

John’s voice was soft and gentle, and Kayla felt her stomach squirm and wriggle and drop down into her feet.

Then looking upwards

I strain my eyes and try

To tell the difference between

Shooting stars and satellites

From the passenger seat as

You are driving me home...

Kayla started singing softly on the next part with him. She could hear the surprise in his voice, but it was soon extinguished.

Do they collide?

I ask, and you smile

With my feet on the dash

The world doesn’t matter...

Kayla stopped singing then, and John sang the next verse with strength and passion.

When you feel embarrassed

Then I’ll be your pride

When you need directions

Then I’ll be the guide

For all time...

Kayla looked over at him, and found that he was already looking at her. He did not avert his eyes, nor did he turn away. She felt a nest of emotion settle in her chest, then felt it rise into her throat so that it seemed like if she were to open her mouth it would hit John right in the face.

For all time...

They gazed at each other for a few more seconds, then John seemed to remember that he was driving a car and turned to the front again.

The song slowly faded out, and Kayla bit her lip to stop herself from smiling, but it didn’t quite work. Her stomach was still doing somersaults and she could feel her cheeks turn a little pink.

The next song, “Death of an Interior Decorator” started. The lyrics were not exactly peppy, but the music itself was, and it always put Kayla in a good mood. She decided she’d sing along with John in the parts where the vocals overlapped.

You were the mother

Of three girls so sweet...

After a while, Kayla ended up taking over the singing, which John did not seem to mind so much.

“You’re pretty good,” John told her at the end of the song.

“Thanks,” she said, smiling warmly at him.

“We Looked Like Giants” started, and Kayla and John had a great time rocking out and singing along to it, doing air-guitar and air-drums, during which Kayla vaguely mused that it probably wasn’t safe for John to be doing, but she didn’t care because she felt so connected to him that somehow, if she did care, it would sever the tie that had formed between them during this car trip.

The slow musical interlude near the end of the song began, and Kayla yawned and checked her watch. It was only about 2:50. She was astonished. It had seemed like much longer than fifty minutes has passed. How could this unspoken bond, this indiscernible connection between her and John only created itself in fifty minutes? It took other people years and years to get to this point...but wait...was this even a point? How could she be sure that John felt as strongly about her as she did about him? There was never really any way to tell these things for sure...

Kayla stifled another yawn and closed her eyes as “A Lack of Color” started. Her favorite song...she would just rest her eyes and let John do the singing...yes...

And when I see you

I really see you upside down

But my brain knows better

It picks you up, and turns you around

Turns you around, turns you around

If you feel discouraged

When there’s a lack of color here

Please don’t worry lover,

It’s really bursting at the seams

From absorbing everything

The spectrum’s A to Z...

Kayla hummed the “Aah”s along with John, feeling utterly at peace with herself and everything else. She could feel herself drifting off to sleep, but kept a grip on consciousness long enough to sustain herself through the rest of the song.

Kayla sang the last lines with him:

I should have given you a reason to stay

Given you a reason to stay

Given you a reason to stay

Given you a reason to stay...

And as John whispered, “This is fact, not fiction...for the first time in years...” Kayla gave up and lost herself in the otherworldly realm of dreams.


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“Kayla? Kayla? Kayla, wake up. You’re home now. I got you home. Kayla, please wake up.”

Kayla blearily opened her eyes and saw John’s face over hers, looking relieved that she had finally woken up.

“I’ve been trying to wake you up for five minutes now,” he said as Kayla rubbed her eyes and yawned. “It’s pretty late. You...you better go inside. Your mom’s probably waiting for you.”

Kayla started to get out of the car when John scrambled out and opened the door for her.

“Thank you,” she mumbled, climbing out. She then looked up at John’s face.

She could see in his startlingly blue eyes love and affection such as she had never known before. His eyes twinkled as they simply stood there, staring at each other.

“You better get inside,” said John finally.

“Wait! I...I want to tell you something,” Kayla stammered.

“What is it?”

She looked at the ground, took a deep breath, and then looked up at him again. She had to take the chance. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she didn’t. “You, you know that song ‘Passenger Seat’?”

John nodded.

“Well, I...I would dedicate it...from me...to you,” Kayla said.

John looked shocked.

“Um...good night,” she muttered, and started to walk away, feeling very foolish, when suddenly she felt John embrace her. Instinctively, she hugged him back. He held her tightly and whispered:

“You don’t know what it means to me to hear you say that.”

Kayla felt an upsurge of happiness and affection and other feelings she didn’t bother trying to decipher. She and John stood there in Kayla’s driveway, holding onto each other as though there was nothing else that they were meant to do, and why should there be? No one existed except them, the world was only her and him, John and Kayla, Kayla and John, and nothing could ever, ever change that.

Kayla saw the porch light on her house flicker on and off, and sighed. She gently and reluctantly released herself from John’s grasp.

“I better go inside,” she said.

John stroked her hair lovingly. “Yeah, I guess you should.”

And as he got back in his car and drove away, Kayla watched him until his taillights were mere pinpricks in the distance. She smiled and went inside her house, feeling more fulfilled than she could describe.

FIN.