Here and Now

It is Wednesday, the 26th of April 2006. The time is 5.50pm. I am sitting at my office desk, staring at my flatscreen monitor, thinking aloud of what to say.

This is my first attempt at reviving my writing skills, after having them lay dormant for over 15 years. Yes, 15 years.... how time flies!

My last page of fiction, was written when I was still in high school. Back then, I was mostly expressing how I viewed the world through my young eyes.
I had written a series of "high school life", basing my work on actual events that happened to my friends and I in school.

Oh yes, I remember all the teenage giggles, the carefree life, the solid friendships forged... and also the angst. We had our share of gossips, petty arguments and childish backstabbing.
After all, which girl didn't want to be Ms. Popular?

Almost all of us wanted some degree of attention. Some vied for it academically, others through sports, and we also had some, who through their own quiet, unassuming way, attracted attention because they didn't want any!

The memories! The 90's was a great time for growing up. It was a time of many changes, both locally and globally, and I must say, we adapted well, for ones who were at an impressionable age.

Of course, we had our individual challenges, but comparitively, life was so simple then. Our goal was to do well in school, do well at university, so that we would have a stronger footing to face the "real" world when we graduated.

Life was indeed good........How we thought we would conquer the world. How I had my life planned before me.

Fast forward 15 years, and SLAP! Reality sinks in. Here.......Now........

Not so fortunately, all the things I had planned for myself, didn't quite unfold as I wanted them to. I had always thought I'd be somewhere before I turned 30. I thought I'd be "someone".

Funny how the choices you make in life, turns up some very unexpected results.

I dreamed of climbing the corporate ladder. I wanted to be good at what I did, and enjoying every moment of it. I pursued what I thought were my dreams with vigor - I landed myself a prominent position with a large conglomerate that most of my old classmates envied for.

Everytime I handed out my business cards, they gaped. The girls always thought that I had it good, sitting in a swanky office building, earning fat pay checks, having the latest technology at my fingertips.

How wrong they were. How wrong I was!

Having done this for far too long, I have finally realised, that I am dissatisfied with my life. I have made the ultimate sacrifice - in pursuing what I thought was my dream to climb the corporate ladder, I had forgotten to DREAM. Literally.

I had all but abandoned all the things that I held most dear to my heart. Life was too hectic, I am always wishing that there was more than 24 hours in a day. I had forgotten to stop and smell the roses.

I used to write torrents - short novels, journals, articles. I used to sing with my whole heart. I used to play music almost every day.

Here...Now... Chasing time, all my articles and journals have been kept in a long forgotten closet. My music sheets have dust an inch thick on it. My piano keys are out of tune.

My life has been reduced to one of little meaning and fulfillment. I had almost lost my soul.

Thankfully, all is not lost yet. There is some of the real me, that is salvageable.

I am so grateful, for the day I had the epiphany. The greatest revelation that I ever experienced.

I was sitting at my desk, just like any other day, just like today.....and WHAM! It just hit me, square in my face.

"THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS!!!"

I was filled with a renewed energy, a determination born of frustration so long and deep. I was going to hold on to this new feeling so tight, because I don't ever want to let it go. I cannot, for fear of losing it completely.

It took every ounce of sheer will power I had to stop myself from walking out of the office that day, and never looking back. Luckily for me, I have a strong mind, and it provided enough logic for me that day to keep me from doing something most would consider foolish.

I had reasoned, that I still needed an income. After all, one can't live on sunshine and fresh air. So, I worked out a plan - I thought to myself, I could start my creative processes again on the side, while not giving up my day job which pays the bills.

I was determined to do this. I needed this. I needed to revive myself, to feed the long buried yearning. I needed to be one with my soul again.

That's why, I scoured the web, finding as many resources to creative writing as I could, and I stumbled upon this site.
After reading through the information provided, I thought, "Why not?" If not this, then "what"? If not now, then "when"?

Life is short, I didn't want to waste any more of my precious time, draining myself day in and day out, being squeezed for my talents. I wanted to be able to do something for ME. Something that I loved, that I enjoyed immensely, that it would not seem a chore.

So, I started. I signed up, and went out and bought more books to read, than I ever had in the last 6 years. Actually, come to think of it, I've never quite read a proper book in the last 6 years. I was reduced to reading depressing news in the dailies, and even that, I didn't do on a regular basis.

Now, since I "revived" myself, I've read over 6 books in the past 3 weeks alone! I am silently congratulating myself. Not a bad achievement, considering that during my school days, I was averaging about a paperback every 3 days.

I have just rediscovered Shakespeare, Twain, Hugo, Archer, Clancy.......the list goes on.
I am devouring the books, like a hungry wolf being surrounded by a flock of fattened sheep.

Colours are brighter now. Aromas are sharper. I am noticing all the little things that I had missed before. I am slowing my pace down, to revel in all the beauty around me, which I had almost forgotten.

Next goal - get something published.

Here.....Now..... The time is now 6.40pm. As I complete these little thoughts of mine, I could not be happier.

I am finally living, I am ME.