A Web of My Own

Trapped!!! I find myself feeling confused, and overwhelmed as I realize that I am stuck... Caught up in the very web that I have been spinning for so long. On some level, a part of me wants to fight my way out, back to the feeling of freedom I once knew, before I tainted my soul with the poison that Satan offered, and I was too weak to refuse.
The reality is, that kind of freedom is something that I will never know again. The days of pure freedom are gone. Yep! One taste that's all it took... Look what I've become, I can't even be me anymore... Fact is, I'm really not sure just who I am at all, is this the me that I was meant to be?
All outward appearances seem to be okay, but down deep, below the surface, dwelling deep within my soul, is a very dark and distant entity that is trying to take control. Forcing me to sneak around, away from the ones I love. Keeping secrets, causing me to hide myself so that I can feed it's ever growing appetite for more poison!!! All the while, the web I am spinning is expanding, getting oh so much larger, and harder to get out of, making it next to impossible to ever truly escape.
I get so close, I live right on the edge... From the outside edge, I almost actually live in an untainted world, where the air is clear, children's laughter fills my heart with a peaceful joy that words cannot describe, and their smiles, beautiful smiles, are the reason that I feel the need to break free. Free from the darkness that surrounds me if I wander too far into my web...
So, I struggle, and fight my way through all the lies and deception that have created this web, and that my innermost self has spun... To get to the outside, where I can be free, but the funny thing is, (not ha, ha funny/but peculiar) once I've made it, and I should be enjoying what I've been missing, any remaining strength, or energy that I have left seems to be consumed.
There is nowhere I can go to get away from the entity that lives within me. It's appetite and hunger feeds off of me, leaving me completely drained. Weak, almost lethargic at times. It drives me back, towards the web, where the poison is, where I can exist without the constant feeling of gravity, I guess, for lack of better words.
My head, my legs, my arms, they all seem to weigh a whole lot less, and, although I AM inside the web... I am still able to live on the edge, in a world that is pure and untainted, but not quite, because of me...
I have touched this world with my poisoned soul, and they accept me, unknowing that I have been corrupted. All the while, my conscience tries to reach me, to tell me to stop, and to break free from this evil web...
But the poison runs through my veins, and somehow temporarily overrides the feelings of doubt, and tremendous guilt that I feel. So, for now, it allows me to exist, right here, on the edge, in a web of my own!