A journal entry that kind of turned into an essay. |
"Just friends." I've been mulling over the meaning of that lately. Usually I think about it in terms of a death sentence. I've been sentenced to many deaths then. And what is wrong with being friends? It's the "just" part that condemns me. Kara treats me really well. She's a great friend. And as much as I want it to be more than that, I dare not bring it to conversation. Why? I can see "just friends" looming ahead like a friggin' road sign. So being "just friends" isn't really a death sentence per se. It is more of a bittersweet brick wall, or one hell of a rollercoaster. You keep hoping it can become more, and trying to make it more; and once you think you've got it, you hit the wall. This is, of course, the realization that she wants to be "just friends." God, it even sounds depressing. There is no more pleasant illusion to keep you going. What I have come to see is that "just friends" is just an illusion; an attempt tp put an arbitrary point on the level of a relationship. Show me the written law that defines at what point we are friends, or moe. And what is "more"? Shall I reference a universal Scale of Relationships? And a person's attempt to put a scale on their relationships inevitably burns bridges. It leaves a person thinking "what am I allowed to say, or do? Is this going to make her uncomfortable?" Our society is chock full of "just friends." It is a travesty that we should spend our days building so many walls. This seems to be a recurring thing in our society, that we must always build walls and keep things out, so that it is impossible that a relationship could be somewhere that we cannot define. I, for one, am tired of building walls; and I'm tired of having them built in front of me. Us young people wonder why we have so many issues with our fellow guys and girls. The reason is that we deny ourselves the qualities that youth is all about: spontaneity, chaos, the knowledge that we have a whole LIFE ahead of us. We want everything to be clear cut, black and white charted territory. I'm done building walls, and I wish that we would bring them all down. |