A DAY TOO SOON

A DAY TOO SOON

I shivered as the cold wind blew outside and kept coming in through broken windowpanes and cracks in the floor. I had moved from one spot to another trying to find a more comfortable place to sit or lay. The house was a big and drafty old house with tall ceilings. The room was bare of furnishing and the floor was cold. I was conscious of the children shivering next to me in the cold dark room, but I could not hold them close enough to keep them warm. The warmth of their body close to mine may have helped in relieving the bone chilling cold I was feeling. I had nothing to put around them or myself. I didn’t want to panic. In situations like this I felt the need to stay calm so as not to show them just how scared I really was. I couldn’t understand why everything was so different.
It was dark outside. Verlon was not home. There was nowhere to turn to find help. I didn’t know where the house was located. Everything was so unfamiliar. The only thing I could trust in all the confusion and unfamiliarity, was that my little ones were at my side, but I could not keep them warm or meet their need. Had they been babies, I could have wrapped my dress around them, I’d have managed to cuddle them in my arms, but they were bigger than babies, and holding on to them and keeping them close was impossible. I thought I heard a muffled cry…..

It was then I woke up, reached for the covers and pulled them up around my neck and shoulders. I lay there in the darkness remembering the dream I had had many times before that always ended at the very same spot each time. They were coming more frequently now and varied very little from one night to another. Janean was in the other room sound asleep unaware that I was in the middle of a nightmare that I could not explain. The children were always involved in the dream. I couldn’t keep them warm. The house was always old, big and drafty, and was unfamiliar and always I was alone in my responsibility to keep them warm and provide for their need. In each dream I somehow sensed they were grown, but also considered them still small. And as I became aware of the muffled cry I always woke up cold and shivering and wondering what meaning the dream had for me. Each time I woke up to reach for the covers I remember being exhausted and weary.

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TO BE CONTINUED...