Laughter Is God's Sunshine

Laughter Is God’s Sunshine

Limping along hunched over in a dirty tattered coat Edith Marie suddenly burst into shrill gales of laughter startling the commuters rushing by her on their way home from work. Oblivious as to how strange it made her look she laughed heartily for the better part of a minute as if someone had told the funniest joke she’d ever heard. In reality, she had to reason to laugh. She wanted to cry, but that never helped. Laughter somehow helped her settle down and forced them to quiet down. "I know you ain’t going in there yourself?" a voice asked her. "If you do," it answered, "You won’t come out alive…" One of her other voices added, "You won’t come out I tell you…, this time they going to make you disappear." "Yeah", continued the first voice, "And nobody’ll even know."

Edith Marie took a step backward just as an ambulance rounded the corner with its siren blasting and lights flashing. As it headed her way she froze in her steps closed her eyes and began chanting, "I’m invisible, I’m invisible… You can’t see me, I’m invisible." The truck continued by her and she relaxed a little, but she kept chanting, "I’m invisible, you can’t see me." As she opened her eyes and looked towards the entrance of the hospital she saw three more ambulances blocking her way. As terrified as she was she knew she had to get by them and go inside. Her heart raced as she thought about what would happen if the social workers found her living on the street with a swollen leg. "If you don’t keep going they gonna get you", yet another voice said beckoning her along. Diagnosed as a schizophrenic when she was twenty-three Edith Marie had been hearing those same voices for over twenty years. It was all she knew.

Her mother, Eleanor and the NYC mental health system made all the major decisions in her life. They decided she’d take, cogentin and haldol even though she didn’t like them. And they also decided that she shouldn’t get any type of training, so she sat home and looked out the window everyday. That was until her mother died and she stayed on with Matthew, her mom’s boyfriend a little while until he died too. Back then Edith Marie almost starved to death. She was found wandering the streets and put in a state mental institution. Her first few nights there terrified her, however over time she learned to adjust. She also learned that she never wanted to return. That’s why for the past three years she’s been on her own.

Begrudgingly Edith Marie continued hobbling along. She’d lived alone on the streets for over two years because she didn’t like the facility they released her to when she left the hospital and ike thousands of other mentally ill homeless in the city she’d learned how to live off social research programs. There were dozens of them investigating the link between homelessness and mental illness and she could use them, all she had to do was take her meds, but Edith Marie wouldn’t. For awhile she was able to maintain decent relationships with her social service agencies but without taking her medication things always got out of hand. Her delusions would came back and those she trusted would begin to become threatening to her. Edith Marie believed that doctors and social workers helped EMS workers take people away in their ambulances to never be seen again. As the internal dialogue started again in her head Edith Marie fidgeted. She winced with pain as her leg tightened and throbbed, "It’s that high carb diet you’re on", a voice said mocking her. "I told you, you ain’t got no business eating McDonald’s hamburgers. That stuff’ll kill you". Edith Marie straightened up as best she could. She’d heard enough and she wanted to go. Yet she stood listening, pain twisting her face, "They got you," a voice shouted. "Yeah", another one started to reply, but Edith Marie didn’t let it finish. She looked straight ahead ignoring the parked ambulances and walked towards the hospital entrance. When she got to the heavy double doors of the ER she pushed through them and marched to the triage kiosk. A voice in her head calmly pronounced, "We’ve been waiting for you."

At the very same moment, John one of the social workers from the psychiatric ward emerged from the elevator on his way outside to take a smoking break. Thinking he was coming for her Edith Marie backed away frightened flailing her arms in the air. As he approached her Edith Marie burst out laughing. The social worker watched the woman’s psychotic episode detached and unmoved. So much so that during the display he calmly walked away and fetched her a wheelchair. He waited politely for Edith Marie to stop laughing before offering her the seat. When he did she sat down silent, relaxed and resigned to the arrangement. All her voices warned, "You’re going to die." By now a psychiatric doctor and an aide were at her side wheeling her towards the elevator and the locked ward. Inside the elevator after the doors closed and the trio began moving upwards Edith Marie laughed out again, not to quiet anything, she did it simply because she could.