What I'd Never Let You Know

What I would never let you know...

I'm depressed beyond the point of cure
I'm so worried that I won't be able to endure
One more minute
Of daily hate
Of daily mockery.

I fear
my future
my potential
my failure.

It's so easy
to get what I want
all I have to do
is fight myself
to obtain it.

I use my problems
as an excuse
to shove people
out of my life.
I use their wrongs
to make mine seem
more right.

I see evil
in everyone
who lacks
a smile,
even though
it's not worth
the while,
somehow soothes
my pain...
strangly.

I need to surround
myself with loving
people
but just my luck
the net is full
of holes
and trash.

I crave
positive attention
praise
love

Why I would never let you know...

Because I'm afraid
that even after you know
it wouldn't make a difference
and that I'd have spilled my heart
for nothing
nothing gained
but a deeper sense of rejection