Where are we going

The sun beats down on the leather faced locals and punishes pale faced tourists. The asphalt releases the summer heat into the overstuffed shoes of everyone who walks upon her. Everything in my windshield is warped and distorted from the heat coming off the cars and buildings, but still I think of her and the child I left behind. The heat crystallizes my failures and misgivings. It amplifies my feelings of guilt, self hatred, and suffering. I am in hell. And I should be.

I cannot take this any longer.

It is so hot.

All I want to do is gamble. One more time. I can get it all back.

I inch forward in my seat and the hot vinyl burns itself into virgin skin. I am going nowhere fast and I cannot do anything about it. The lights of the casinos blink and flicker all around me, beckoning me, enticing me. They signal me like a call girl would: a seductive smile, a blink of an eye and a toss of the hair. I know it is all for money, but once, just once I want it to be for love. I want her to return the love I give her. I want to feel the embrace, the rush, the passion. I am compelled. I give in. I enter the casino and I jumpstart my newest failure. My biology forces me to fail. I am an addict.

I cannot take it.

It is so hot.

I am going in.