A List of Disconnected Thoughts

Don’t forget to look both ways (or anywhere but down) before you get in the tub.

The third time is not as charming as the second is upon first impression.

Broken hearts are like buses. (Another will come along in fifteen minutes.)

“Is this venison?” she coyly asks Dr. Lecter.

Honesty is the best fallacy.

“Unfortunately,” Lucy says politely, “I can’t dance with you tonight. I am the designated loner.”

There are other fish in the sea. Let them take the bait.

Chance favors… the lucky bastards.

Awash in the rays of the setting sun, Willy thinks to himself, This sand really chafes! Walk on land? Ha! What was I thinking?!?

If it ain’t broken, don’t chance it by doing heavy impact aerobics.

The key to success is: Concentrate on something else.

The answers to life’s questions are: Yes, Sort of, 3, Red, Of course not, and Read the ending first (not necessarily in that order).

Be who you are, just be quiet about it.

On a quest for something… I forget what.

That’s a nice neck brace.

I tried that before. Good luck—and it was a pleasure knowing you.

If you get confused, just try counting sheep. No, wait.

Flattery will only get you so far. Then you’ll have to try again.

A cat on a hot tin skillet.

Why the sidewalk contractors striked (a prequel to “Where the Sidewalk Ends”).

There’s no time! We must give him a megadose of viagra.

“Too much.” She had already said too much.

“In the substantia nigra of the midbrain,” said the two-year-old boy.

Walking on broken grass.

You bounce off the metallic dish—amazing, since you just flew several miles, and the target is only about two feet wide.

Pickled fish, she wrote on an index card.

“Sorry I’m late,” said the doctor, “You now have 5 minutes left to live.”

“How odd,” said the pickled fish.

Love is not in the air. It must be in the drinking water.

I wish that damn potato would stop looking at me.

Next, she grabs a kitchen knife, hesitates, drops it, then grabs a peeler.

“Only once. Well, half of once.”

“Who broke the vow? Come on, now. It didn’t break by itself!”

Feeling like he was all out of balance, Lincoln knew he would soon fall flat on his face.