Re-awakening.

I was a fool to believe.
Emily sat, huddled, in the once comforting green leather armchair. Waiting. The soft, spongy interior yielding under her weight did nothing to relax her rigid muscles. She couldn’t relax. To relax would mean to think. To think would mean to feel. And to feel would mean to break the icy barricade she’d painfully built around her heart. She’d had to. She’d needed to, if she was going to survive this in one piece.
A hushed silence had fallen, thick and shuddering through the apartment. It’s shadowy fingers lengthening. Curling. Trapping. Fisting clamour in its grasp. She had once tried to bring the apartment to life, with vibrant oranges, mellow blues and tender purples. Yet its life was brief. It died the same day she did. They both became shells of their former selves; they both became empty, vacant. The first day Robert lost his temper.

“Where were you?”
His voice had been calm. Cold, chilling her to the bone.

She closed her eyes. Not wanting to relive the memory, to not go back to that day. But still it came. Swift and relentless. Clear and unmistakable.

“I was out. Shopping.”
Emily had smiled at him and waved the shopping bag, confused by his attitude. His grey eyes, that she had found gentle and alluring, were hard as stone. Staring right through her.
“Shopping?”
He stepped forward.
“Yes”
She said slowly, her smile faltering.
Then his rage erupted. His face contorted so much she didn’t even recognise him. His eyes…his eyes were filled with such loathing and possessiveness. He stalked forward breathing heavily. Veins bulged from his neck. His face turned red with fury.
“Or were you out with David?”
He screamed this and as she opened her mouth to answer, his fist swung out and bashed the side of her head – knocking her against the cheerful yellow door. Lightening bolts shot through her skull. She fell to the ground with a bone-jarring thud. The shopping had been thrown about, Eggs splattered all over the furniture. She had lain there unable to believe what was happening. This wasn’t her Robert.
“You are MINE”

Those words echoed in her mind. His monstrous roar resonating. It had all happened so out of the blue. He wasn’t the Robert she had loved. The Black eye he’d given her had taken days just to fade enough for her to use makeup to cover it up. Her eye throbbed dully; as it always did when She remembered. Bruises fade but the pain always remains.
The beatings became more frequent. His accusations became numerous. His possessiveness grew until it enveloped his sanity. No matter what she did it was always wrong. When something did go wrong it was always her fault. He slowly severed her from her friends. Refusing their invites politely, making excuse after excuse, until the invitations stopped coming and she was left alone, unable to escape.
She had gone to the police once. But they laughed. Robert’s brother was chief constable. Even with the spreading bruises they turned her away, but didn’t tell her to go. They told her to sit down, wait and not disturb them with anymore of her nonsense. Robert had been called. He walked right past her to talk to his brother – making an explanation as to why his wife was making up crazy lies. He drove her back to the apartment in a dead calm. Like the eye of the storm. As soon as they got home he threw things, smashed things, and crushed things. When there was no more furniture he turned on Emily.
He had always waited until they were home, erupting as soon as the door had closed. Making an accusation then not waiting for the reply, backing her up into an emotional corner, until she learnt the routine. Every time he swung his fist she went numb, feeling no pain, no fear; nothing. But then the beatings became so frequent she became permanently numb.
But then she met Michael. One morning he walked into her café and she was brought back to life. She gasped the moment those emerald eyes held hers, as if breathing for the first time. She knew he felt something too because he came in every morning, every lunchtime, every evening. On weekends he would stay for the entire day. Each look those great green eyes gave shuddered through her. First they watched, then talked, then kissed, then…. she couldn’t get enough of him. {i]And now it’s turned into a 6 months affair. First it was riveting, exhilarating, daring. The way she used to be before Robert. But now it was becoming too much. He was meaning too much.
So Emily sat, huddled in the green leather armchair, with her mind blank – numb against the pain to come. Waiting for the end.
He stood outside the eerie yellow door. The paint had started to crack showing the rotting dull brown wood it was trying to disguise. The apartment number ‘67’ was rusting into a dim orange. The ‘6’ had broken at the top and swung down to look like a ‘9’.
Michael remembered the first time he came to this apartment. It was when he had walked Emily home after her shift. They had talked the entire day at the Café and the entire way to this apartment. When they reached the door she had immediately looked nervous and afraid. She lowered those large cerulean eyes from his, her chestnut hair falling like a curtain over her face as she lowered her head a little, shielding it away from him. He had just stood there, confused at first, then he felt a surge of protectiveness toward Emily. He had placed his hand on his cheek and gently lifted her head to his. Her eyes had grown wide with surprise. He held her there, a breath away. Her lips had trembled before he softly covered them with his own. He kissed her briefly, teasing with the tip of his tongue. Then, glancing at her left hand, he remembered and pulled back. That golden band that barred her from him. He looked at that perfect face of hers, those lips. So full, so succulent.
It was only the next week when she wasn’t at work for a few days that he began to notice what was going on. She came back with a lot of makeup on. No one would have noticed the faint purple tinge on the side of her face, except someone who had been watching her for 2 weeks, memorising that stunning face. Learning it’s every line, hair and crease.
He had asked her about it but she had just stammered and made up some flimsy story about falling down the stairs in her apartment. Seeing as there are no stairs in her apartment he began to fit the pieces together. The hushed arguments she would have with her husband behind the counter. The way his hands clenched in to fists that strained to stay by his side.
He asked her again about what he thought was going on. She had just burst into tears. He wrapped his arms around her and brought her head to rest on his shoulder. She begged him not to tell anyone or to confront Robert. Michael had simply told her he didn’t care if Robert tried to kill him. So she tried a different approach. Saying that Robert would kill her if Michael confronted him. Emotional blackmail. Michael stood very still after she said that, surprised at how much fear and emotion that stirred in him.
He had meant to end it then and there. Saying they couldn’t kiss again. She was a married woman. And he could get her killed. But he couldn’t leave her. Michael looked into those round cobalt eyes and just couldn’t. And now it’s turned into a 6 months affair. He never understood why she meant so much him. Why did she have that strange power over him? Why couldn’t he even think about leaving her without his heart ripping itself to shreds? Because I love her. As this realisation slammed into him, he froze. His fist poised ready to knock. I love her. Shocked, he swallowed hard against the emotion rising up his throat. But how could I be? His answer was the sound of her laugh filling his mind, a slight trill if it tickled her amusement; but a large cackle if she found it down right hilarious. Throwing her head back with the strain of letting it out. Her smile popped into his head. Those cherry lips curving, those white teeth showing every time she was happy. Those eyes, great blue eyes, sparkling like sapphires every time he kissed her. Smiling to himself, he knocked on the door showering paint chips to the floor; cracking the cheery façade.
The knock startled her. She had been concentrating so hard she didn’t realise how soon he would be here. Taking one shaky breath, she walked to the door. It all ends today. She turned the handle as those words tore through her. She waited a beat, smothering the pain and then opened the door.
Her heart gave a violent jolt. There he stood, his arm resting on the doorframe, his broad build leaning slightly towards her now that the wooden barrier was gone. Wearing a plain white t-shirt and worn out jeans he towered over her, with a boyish grin gracing his firm mouth, teasing his piercing green eyes and dark curls of hair framed his face. Michael. My dark angel.
No. He wasn’t hers. Not anymore. She cleared her throat with a slight cough.
“Hey.” She said feigning welcome.
“Hey.” He replied warmly.
He came towards her and leaned down ready to kiss her. No. If he kissed her now she wouldn’t be able to surface from him. Panicking, she turned her head to the side sharply. Michael’s lips touched her cheek. An awkward tension ensued as he pulled back. Emily didn’t look at his face. She kept her back to him as she walked to the armchair. The door close behind her with a soft click, but she heard no footsteps.
“Emily?” he asked softly, “What’s wrong?”
She turned to him and saw worry clouding his eyes. His eyebrows were drawn together in confused concern, the smile gone.
“Wrong?” She answered faking indifference. “Nothing’s wrong. Why?” He didn’t answer her. His face didn’t change. He continued to stare at her with those bottle green eyes so intensely that she had to look away. “Do you want a drink? Something to eat?”
Still he stared. He just gave a slight shake of his head. She nodded and they stood there in dense silence. She swallowed the tears she felt flooding her system, preparing for the words that were about to break her heart. And his.
She was gripping the back of the armchair like a vice, her knuckles turning white. Her hair was tied back in to a messy bun on the top of her head, dragging the hair out of a face clear of makeup; leaving her looking vulnerable. The lack on emotion in her eyes worried him. She was withdrawn, hiding. Something’s wrong.
“Where’s Robert?” He asked gravely.
“He’s gone fishing for the weekend.” She said in the same sickening fake cheerful tone.
The fake smile on her face faltered slightly under his continuing stare. Michael took a small step forward, wanting to touch her. She took half a step back. He stopped immediately and stood still, as if a gun was being held to his heart. Yet in a way, it felt like there was. And she was holding the trigger. He could feel the nuzzle dig deeper into his chest as she retreated further.
As they stood in silence, he remembered the call she made the night before. He was too sleepy to realise if there was a problem then, but now when he replayed the call in his mind he focused on her voice. She had sounded flat. Monotone. Her voice was raw as if she had shed too many tears and cried too many times. Which he suspected she had.
She looked like she was about to say something, instead of wasting time hearing her be politely cold, he spoke first.
“What’s wrong?” He asked again, fear adding a hint of plea in his voice. “Please, Em, tell me.”
She just stared at him. She tightened her grip on the chair making her arms tremble. “Em?”
She closed her eyes tight for a second, drawing her brows and a deep breathe as if in pain. Then she opened those breathtaking eyes of hers. The emptiness in them had been swarmed with determination. She raised her head, jutted out her chin and look directly through him.
“It’s over” she spoke, softly. Her vacant voice echoing throughout the apartment.
As the words reached him they sank into his skin, his blood; like poison, spreading through his whole body.
“What?” he whispered.
“Come on Michael.” She said loudly, her voice toughening. “Did you really think we could do this forever?”
“I-I…” Stammering, he didn’t know what to say. What’s happening?
“It was nothing.” She said sharply. “It meant nothing.”
“No.” He said shaking my head. This can’t be real. He felt his heart crack as her words slammed into it.
“Yes.” She said firmly. “I’m bored with you.”
His jaw clenched against the pain. It was crawling through him like venom. A deep hurt that ran cold. He was about to say something but she continued.
“Why would I want to stay with you?” He looked at her and he saw the snarl demeaning her soft features then quickly looked away. He couldn’t bare to see her this way.
“Em please…don’t” He heard the tears in his voice, felt his eyes burn. He despised it but had no control. His breath came out in bursts as he tried to stop being smothered by the overwhelming agony. It blazed inside him, burning away at what was left of his heart.
“Why would I waste my time with you?” Her voice hitched.
He snapped his eyes back to hers instantly just to see the traces of anguish in her eyes before she cleared her throat and hid them away behind coldness.
“Because I love you.” He said, barely above a whisper.
She stood there, a calm indifference disguising the torture within. When she saw the agony in his eyes her heart shattered, the jagged edges cutting deep as they fell. But she now looked at him and saw his jaw clenching, trying to control the storm inside. His eyes ablaze with defiance. He loves me.
He was melting the ice she had so carefully built to protect herself. So what did she do? She turned down the temperature.
“Love?” She snarled. “How could I love you back? I hate you!”
That cost her too much. It was a sharp pain like a punch to the stomach, winding her. She gasped in more air. She needed to catch her breath. She slowly raised her eyes to his and saw that his face was now expressionless.
I hope he bought it.
He took a step forward.
"I love you." He repeated louder, his voice toughening.
“Don’t.” She whispered taking a step back. The ice was turning to slush and she couldn’t stop it.
“I love you.” He said again firmly. Taking another step forward.
“Please. Michael.” She said shaking my head. Feeling the tears welling in her eyes, making her voice shake. “Don’t.”
His love was surrounding her, filling her. The ice wall was gone. It was just them, defenceless against the overpowering emotions whirling inside them. He nodded slowly taking one more step forward.
“No.” She said firmly, catching her breath.
“Yes.” He answered.
“You can’t.” She pleaded with him. “You can’t.”
“I can.” He said softly. “And I have since I first saw you.”
“Stop it.” She roughly whispered through clenched teeth. Trying to block the tears.
“Why?” He asked suddenly angry.
“Because I don’t love-“She tried to lie.
“Why?” He asked again, interrupting
“Because I don’t love-“Emily tried again, clenching her jaw against the truth that wanted to spring out so hard that her teeth ached.
“Why?” He yelled. And the words flew out of her in a passionate storm.
“BECAUSE HE’LL KILL YOU!” She screamed and the tears erupted in one large burst. They streamed down her face as all the emotion was released. The fear, suffering and misery ravaging me.
“Em-“He tried to say.
“And I ca- I can’t let that happen. I can’t Michael. I can’t.” She whimpered. “Please just go. Don’t come back. Just leave.” And then she was lost in a sea of tears, drowning in them.
“But Robert doesn’t-“
“He knows.” She whispered faintly. “Robert knows. And he’ll kill you.”
“I don’t care.” He said gruffly.
“I do.” She said quietly. She lowered her gaze to the floor and tried to catch her breath.
They stood in silence. Seconds seemed like hours. But time rushed when Michael moved as quickly as lightening, grabbing her and pinning her to the wall. He trapped her mouth with his, ravaging it, sending shivers through her. Her wrists trapped in his one large hand above her head. All she could see, hear, smell and think of was Michael. He filled her senses with nothing but love. He is mine. All mine. And instead of feeling the cold fear expected. She felt a surge of glee dance inside her stomach. He pressed his body against mine. She couldn’t breathe - didn’t want to. He was all she wanted and would have gladly given up breathing just to have him. He was cleansing her system of the pain, hurt and anguish that overflowed it only moments ago. Leaving a hot intense passion to course through her.
Her lips trembled under his. He let all the fear, rage and agony into the kiss, letting it loose. He gripped her dainty wrists in his left hand, holding
them firmly above her head. Leaving her open. His other hand travelled to her hair taking out the band and letting it swoop down past her shoulders. He wrapped it around his fist and entangled it in his fingers, bringing her even closer.
Needing to touch her, he let go of her wrists, letting her go free. He half expected her to push him away but she wrapped her arms around his neck and entwined her hands in his hair. A moan quivered through him. His hand slipped under her blouse, just needing to touch her. Her cold, clammy skin would boil as he did. She began to tremble under his hands sending a rush of excitement through him.
He was drowning in her scent, her taste, her texture. She filled him entirely. She tasted so sweet. She was the perfect mixture of fire and ice. How could a man resist?
He doesn’t.
But this wasn’t the way. He didn’t want it to be over so quickly. He wanted to savour her. He began to pull back but she resisted dragging his lips back. He began to go under again but he strained against the desire to ravish. He pulled back again and she resigned with a moan, nipping his bottom lip with her teeth. A delicious bite of pain.
He closed his eyes and tried to gather his control back that had slipped so suddenly. Scrambling to collect his resolve. He rested his forehead on hers. Our lips a breath apart. From the pleasant bursts of air blowing on his face he could tell she was trying to do the same. He moved his hand to caress her face. He opened his eyes to look at her. So soft. So beautiful. She opened her eyes and all he could see where those magnificent cerulean eyes gazing back at him, foggy with passion. Her face was flushed, a slight red tinge spreading across it. Her hair flying about her oval face, her lips already swollen. She’s never looked so beautiful.
“I love you.” He whispered against her cheek.
She pulled back. Looked at him seriously. She lifted her hand and placed her trembling fingers on his lips, tracing their outline. She pressed her lips together and looked back into his eyes.
“I love you too. “ She whispered back.
He took her fingers in his hand loosely and kissed them lightly one by one. Her words filled him with such adoration that he could do nothing but lower his head down to hers slowly, softly and kiss her again.
His lips touched hers gently. A ghost of a kiss. Tenderness was what the moment called for.
“I love you.” Emily sighed, slipping into the kiss.
His lips slanted against hers delicately. His tongue teasing hers.
Her hands left his hair and circled his neck, her fingers drawing seductive patterns on his back. He was all she could sense. He was her everything. And she wanted him always. But how can she? Robert would kill them both. But these thoughts were pushed out of her mind as more important things went on around her, inside her.
She felt his hand slip once again under her blouse and trace the bruises and scars that Robert had left there in his angry tantrums. As he touched them she felt the pain melt away. Not just the physical, but the emotional pain too. This is what love really is. What she thought was love with Robert was nothing compared to the intense devotion she felt for Michael.
As they embraced each other, she realised that she should thank Robert. If it weren’t for the suffering and torture he put her through, she would never have met Michael; she would have never been brought back to life in such a delicious way. But now she was aware of everything. she was aware of the slight trembling in Michael’s muscles as he held her. She was aware of his breath that tickled her cheek as he sighed her name. And she was aware of the emotions that it stirred, so strong that it scared her. But she couldn’t get enough. She couldn’t stop and knew she never would. And that didn’t scare her as much as it did when the realisation hit her last month.
His lips moved, still as soft, whispering across her face to her neck. Nibbling here and there, while she whispered silent endearments in his ear. He moved back to her mouth and took possession once again.
His hand slid up and down her back, tracing scars and marks, which that monster had made. Her skin was so soft, like creamy silk. He couldn’t let her go. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had known that; when he first saw her 6 months ago, in her delightful Café he had known that. It would never have ended. They’re hearts wouldn’t have allowed it.
Yet a warning sounded in the back of his mind as he ran his hand along a raw wound. She wasn’t safe. She’d never be safe. And her safety was all that mattered to him. He would gladly kill Robert or die trying if it meant he wouldn’t hurt her anymore. Someone so wonderful, invigorating and caring deserved to be worshipped. Her every whim attended to. An idea struck him. Yet the words left his mouth before he could think of the best time, and way, to say them.
“Come away with me.” He said strongly.
“What?” She asked breaking away just long enough to ask.
“Come away with me.” He insisted again gently. “Leave here and be with me.”
“Leave?” She asked anxiously.
He nodded, gazing at her. She looked un-deciding. They’re lips close, they’re breath mingled together.
“Where would we go?” She asked uneasily.
“Anywhere you want.” He said assuring her. “Anywhere in the world.”
He knew of her dream to travel the world and see places she’d never seen before, try new things, grow as a person. She looked willing for a second. But then fear suffocated enthusiasm.
“What about Robert?” She whispered looking away from him. “He’ll come after us.”
“If we leave in a few days, he will follow us. If he finds where we go, he will hunt us.” He agreed then paused. “But I will love you.”
”Micha-“ She began.
“Even after the day I die.” He said holding her face in both his hands, stroking her cheeks, wiping away the tears. “I will love you.”
Her face was grim as she thought. He could see the battle behind her eyes and felt a twang of guilt for causing it.
Leave? She didn’t think it was possible. Not now. Robert has made it seem hopeless. The very idea of escaping was ludicrous to her. But not to Michael. He was offering her a chance to fulfil her dreams, to start her life over. To be who she was used to be. Is it possible? her heart jumped at the idea, but her mind protested. They fought against each other. Heart and mind. Love and Logic. Conflicting. Causing uncertainty and confusion. Michael was the answer to all her prayers. But She was Robert’s. And he wasn’t going let her go. Michael was right. He would follow us, hunt us, and track us down. But I will love you. She looked at him again.
“My dear sweet Em.” He spoke softly. The sympathy and guilt showing in his intense green eyes. But she saw the urgency for an answer. Her heart beat faster as it fought harder to be heard. Pumping its argument all the way through her body. Her mind slowly began to quieten. She wanted to go with him. She needed to go with him. If they were ever to be together again they would have to leave now. She nodded slowly.
“We need to leave now.” She resigned.
“I know.” He said and took a step back. “Get what you need and we’ll leave as soon as you’re ready.”
She smiled nervously and walked slowly to the main bedroom she shared with Robert. She walked in but didn’t look around. It wasn’t important anymore. Nothing was, except her escape with Michael. She went straight to the wardrobe and took the few things that she had bought myself from the masses of clothes. She wasn’t going to take anything that reminded her of Robert. Everything he bought her, he had bought to mould her into what he wanted her to be. Helpless. But not anymore.
She took one last glance around the room, checking if there was anything else she wanted. She didn’t even glance at the heaps of jewellery Robert had also given her. He gave them to her to show he owned her. The diamond chocker was the equivalent of a dog collar. She turned to the doorway to leave but Michael blocked the way. He wandered towards her, his gaze never leaving hers. He took the clothes from her arms and dropped them on the floor, wrapping his arms around her waist bringing her closer to him. A playful smile curled his lips as he nudged her towards the bed.
“We need to go.” She said shakily, trying hard to resist the thick temptation that was swimming inside h.
“We will.” He said. “But first…”
His hands went to her blouse and he began to undo the buttons slowly, one at a time. He kissed her soothingly, smothering any doubts or fears. He had that way about him. And as they removed the barriers of clothing from each other, she pictured the life they would have, the house, the children - the full dream.
“I love you.” She whispered as he lowered them to the bed.
“I love you Em.” He replied stealing her breath with a hot, possessive kiss.
I was a fool to believe –
that I could live without him.