Satirical Thinking

I want the world to stop plugging up their junk drawers with old aluminum foil. Throw that stuff away. Get new. It’s only 99 cents a roll, for heaven’s sake. Why save your soda cans? What’s the purpose? It just means that you’ll be spending more money on gas to take it to the recycler. Same thing goes for glass. Do you really think we’re going to run out of sand? Why recycle newspapers? In a hundred and fifty years, we’ll have brand new forests. Trust me. Your great grandkids are going to be just fine. If it’s really bothering you, don’t buy the paper. You never read more than the comics anyway.

Why give your old clothes to the Salvation Army? Why upgrade to a bigger closet? Do you think the old styles are really going to come back? And what do you think your kids are going to think when they see their grandma wearing a paisley peasant blouse when she can’t hold her boobs up with a crane? Do you really think your granddaughters are going to wear them when they stink of mothballs? Throw away your clothes when they don’t fit anymore. Trust me. You will never be able to fit into them again anyway. That ten pounds that you were supposed to lose before is now fifty. Give it up. It’s not happening.

We’re running out of fossil fuels, right? Well, if you don’t fill up the landfills, we’ll never have new fuels to replenish the old. Imagine the kinds of fuels we could have if we threw everything away. The dinosaurs were freakin’ awesome to give us oil that we can use to power our cars. What will our cans and Styrofoam and paper and clothes and those ugly shoes from last year create in a million years? Who knows? But if you’re recycling, we’ll never know.

But then again. Who cares? None of us will be around in a million years. Our sun has lived how long now? It’s about to implode or our moon’s going to drift off and then we won’t have our asteroid buffer zone anymore. It really didn’t help the dinosaurs, did it? Why should we live for tomorrow if we might not even have a tomorrow? We’re putting an awful lot of effort into the hope that the sun will rise the next day. How much do we really care about our grandkids anyway? How much of our luxuries are we willing to give up so they can have a home? So what if they have to live in cities that are enclosed in bubbles cause we ate away our ozone. So what if they have to walk everywhere cause the cars that are littering their streets don’t work anymore cause there’s no more gas? That’s hundreds of years into the future. I don’t care. I live in the now. I’m here for me. Forget about tomorrow. It really doesn’t apply to you.