I wonder why.

Most of you can probably relate to the freedom one feels when turning 18.
To me the rush came when I turned 21. At 19 and a half I lost my virginity to a guy
I met the summer of ' 97.I hate saying I "lost" it I prefer I "gave". In any case it was
one of the greatest adventures of my life, which up to that point was really boring.

The "guy" and I tried several times ;at my urging he had his reservations, to
do "it" but our efforts were fruitless. It took all my coaxing and will power to
convince him that it was the right thing for us to do and that I was really 19. When
it finally happened I cried a little because it hurt and because I felt a huge weight
lifting off my shoulders."He" and I became good friends for the next 6 years until I
figure out why he was still sticking around: Guilt trip.

Yep, good ol' fashion guilt trip. It's funny, but I can almost see why. I basically
imposed myself on him.I lied about being a virgin, which believe me, I was really
good at since my randy hormones were fully awake back then. Itried to shake him
but he wouldn't budge even if I was dating someone else. I knew it wasn't love.

I probably sound heartless, but I'm not I just wasn't ready for any commitment
and the thought of it freaked me out.We talked I told him I was going to be ok.He
needed to get on with his military career and I needed my freedom to explore.Up
until a year ago we were still in contact but I know he is now at the base in Hawaii.
Still I'll always have fond memories of him.

After that first relationship I've dated guys from different walks of life.All from
different ethnic backgrounds,rich and poor. But they all had certain things in
common. At the beggining of the relationship there's the excitement you get from
mutual attraction. Once the relationship is established the couple developes a
pattern in which the guy wants to protect and the girl wants to nurture. I would feel
greatly relieved if I coul skip some of the courtship and go straight to the matter at
hand.I mean some of us women need to feel all the gooey stuff, but let's face it
people sometimes you just need a MAN.

I'm not talking about a jock with sweat dripping, contruction worker muscles,
man. I mean diaper changing, take out the garbage MAN who is not embarrased if
anyone sees him holdind your purse while you try on those pair of low cut hip
huggers he loves.After all it's not like he is one of today mirror hugging
metrosexuals you have to fight for the bathroom mirror with.

To me there's nothing sexier than a man that's has 5 o'clock shadow who is
bone tired from work, and when he hugs you he still has that clean scent from the
shower you shared in the morning.I can sit here and go on and on about the many
attributes men have that make me their number one fan forever but I have to tell
you the moral of the story I told you at the beginning.

When dating one has to sit down and really think: what is it that I'm looking
for? What can of men/women would make me happy? A couple is to me two
people who decide they want to share their lives whether it leads to marriage or
not. We should tresure the time it last because little do we know how much of an
impact we have in anothers life. In a boyfriend /girlfrined relationship you shouldn't
worry about who is paying the tab or if your going dutch-treat. What matters is the
mutual respect and devotion. Money is not everything.Sex is overrated. One
nightstands are very dangerous to your health.Hey! I'm not preaching.

But by god how I wish I saw my "Guy" for what he truly was.A great man who
simply wanted to show me some respect depite the way I treated him. I'm sorry at
the time I didn't understand that he considered an honor to had been my first, like
he told me when I last saw him. And he felt responsible for the way we handle
things. To him I would always be like a little sister.To me he would be the one that
got away once upon a time..I wonder why?