A Pebble In The Road of Heaven

I had done wrong, so wrong. My crime could not be tested by my ability to make mistakes. I am a pebble in the rock-strewn road of society, and I am finally being put away for my crimes. Murder is the one thing that compels me to kill myself, and the one thing that keeps me alive. I don’t know why this has happened, or what has gotten into me, but it needs, and is going to, stop right now.
The cuffs hurt, but the pain in my head hurt even more. They don’t know about the others. Or at least, they don’t know that I am responsible for them. Some other guy got put away for them. I don’t care who he is, and personally I don’t want to know.
The cuffs are off. This chamber of loneliness is killing me. Good. I am where I belong. I am in a place where no one can hurt me, and where I can hurt no one. I am a random murderer, and my only purpose in life, is to die.

The blood, it’s everywhere! How could this have been done? Who’s that? Get the hell away from me! No! Help! Get the kids out of here! Get the kids out of here now! Heeeelllllppppp………”

The nights are terrible, the food is terrible. But I guess I deserve it. All these years I have been sliding by with no conviction, and no one suspected that I had done it. Now that I got caught for just one, I can do the time. My execution is in a week, and it’s the most I’ve had to look forward too in a long time.
I have never had something to look forward to. Nothing at all. I pray every chance I get. I pray to God that I ascend into heaven. But I wouldn’t blame him if I went to the fiery pits of hell. The devil and me, just the same. I belong there. But that doesn’t mean I want to go there. I don’t deserve to have any afterlife at all, even. I should disappear completely so that no soul should ever have to deal with me ever again. I shall no longer be a pebble in the road.

“Who was it?” I heard a voice from in the room. It made me jump. I searched for the source by scanning my eyes across the dull box for a few seconds, but didn’t find anything.

“Who did you kill?” I heard the voice again. It was coming from the vent (which the makers of this building so stupidly put in).
I talked back, having nothing else to do.

“Do I know you?”

The voice took a few seconds to reply. And when it did, it sent shivers down his back. His voice was full of wisdom and superiority. For that kind of a person to be in this kind of place stumped him.

“By the way you walked down the hall yesterday, you said nothing as far as I could tell. The guards had no trouble putting you in. The ones who have done something always put up a fight. The ones who are innocent cry. The ones who have done terrible things say nothing at all, and cooperate completely. Kind of like they know they deserve what they have gotten.”

My mind was racing. Yes! Yes! You’re completely right! Now put a fucking bullet in my head! You said I deserve it! You said I know what I deserve! Put a fucking bullet in my head!

“My name is William Ralls, just in case the thought crosses your mind.” He said again. This time I put my face to the vent and starred in. I could see the faint light at the end of the little tunnel, but I could not see him.

“I killed many people.” I said, disregarding all my insane thoughts. My mind took a hard right turn for a better direction. I had something new to think about. At least my mind is off myself. “Savagely.”

He didn’t seem too scared of me. Most people would never want to make eye contact with someone of my nature, but the sound of his voice showed no sign of hate, or anything for that matter.

“I honestly didn’t do anything. I was framed. But, I guess all criminals display that kind of behavior. But I know I didn’t do anything. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“I got away. For too long, I got away, and never did the time I was supposed to.”
His voice as he talked this time seemed to be demoralizing towards me. I didn’t like it, but yet once again, I deserved it.

“This term you use, ‘doing time,’ it seems so barbaric. Come out of the Stone Age my friend, and learn what we call today as ‘Grammar’.”

This man seemed very much like a Hannibal Lector sort of character. His wisdom showed through his voice alone.

“I killed people all in the same family. I killed too many of them for no reason, and I hate myself for doing so. Nine or ten of them as I recall. It doesn’t matter though. No one knows I killed those people. I’m here because I brutally filleted my neighbor alive with a piece of broken glass.”

He didn’t sound surprised at all, and I didn’t expect him to. “I was convicted for killing ten of my own family members after a family reunion. But what really stumps me though, is that it was my in-laws reunion, and I wasn’t even there. If they‘d checked the guest list they would’ve noticed that I wasn’t there. Just little flaws like that leave the forensic science in the dust of what really happened.”

I starred at the glass door to my cell, looking ever so gloomy, and sounding the same, I replied.

“What was the name of the family?”

“The Angelo family.”

Oh, Shit.

My mind went off, and it didn’t seem to come back.

What’ve I done? Put a bullet in my head! I killed this guy’s whole damn family! Put a bullet in my head and send me to hell!

I stood up, and grabbed hold of my head, the thoughts racing through one ear, ripping out my brain and going through the other ear, brutally dragging my eardrum and brain with it. I shook like I had a tick, like the army did an experiment on me that went totally wrong. I jerked and squirmed, the voices yelling in my head. I wanted it to end. But how do I tell this guy I am the reason his family is dead? I am the reason he has gone through three years of this crap! This sucks.

“Hey, are you all right over there?”

“No! I’ll never be all right! Never!”

“Calm down, or you’ll die right here and now. People who’ve had that cell have died through insanity before.”

Oh, well that makes me feel better! Now, mister wisdom, help me explain to you how I killed your entire family!

“I killed them.”

“What?”

“I killed them.”

I couldn’t believe that I had said it. Not now, the timing wasn’t right! What is he going to say? Oh, God what did I do? I never thought I would come to meet this guy!

“Killed who?”

“I….I really…well, I….. Aw, fuck it.”

“No need for the language. Do you want to go to heaven?”

“I killed your family. I’m the killer. You’re innocent. I’m guilty.” Not another word was said the rest of the night.

The next day, I watched the guard go and release the man in the cell next to me. I didn’t want to see him as he walked by, so I hid under my pillow. I heard their footsteps, and I heard his voice. He thanked the guard. I could hear the joy in his voice.

I’m a pebble in the road. I’m nothing. Absolutely nothing.

The footsteps were coming closer, and closer, until they were in front of my cell.

“Stop here, sir. I wish to talk to this man.” I heard him say.

“I am very angry, and very pleased at what you did. Thank you for telling the truth. However, I will still be angry with you for as long as I am on this earth. You have assured me a place in heaven with my family. And you have assured yourself a place in heaven with us.” I took the pillow from my face and looked into his deep blue eyes. I was amazed. He was so young, he could have been put away at juvenile hall. Or, it appeared that way. He had long black hair that shined like that of a star. His facial features were that of a teenager. He seemed to unreal, but he was. With that, he left. I knew I would see him again someday. I felt like I could live again. Hearing someone else say that I have an assured place in heaven was like candy to my ears. I could not have been happier! The day I die doesn’t seem like the best day of my life anymore! It feels like the beginning of a new life. A life in heaven. I am no longer just a pebble in the road. I’m a pebble in the road of heaven.