Dear Michael

Dear Michael,

Thank you for your letter. I'm glad that you found something of interest in my profile.
I read yours with some interest as well. You sound like a really nice guy, and we do seem to have a few things in common. I love to dance, and Italian food is my favorite! I do have a pet - a cat named Sammi. I get weekends off and I love movie-theater popcorn!

Hope to hear from you soon!

Stacey


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Dear Michael,

Great idea! I’ll send the pictures as soon as I get off work. They were taken last winter, so they’re fairly current. I hope you won’t be disappointed with them, and I’m looking forward to receiving yours, too! I’m sorry, but I don’t have any of me in a swimsuit. I just got my digital camera for Christmas, and it’s been a tad chilly for bikinis. :)

Toodles!

Stacey


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Dear Michael,

Nice pictures! I especially like the one with the sombrero and the tequila bottle. You look a little sunburned, but it’s obvious that you were having a good time! LOL! And that one where you’ve got the dress on - was that taken on Halloween? You’ve certainly got some interesting friends, too. Is that a donkey that you guys were riding? Too funny!

TTYL!

Stacey


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Dear Michael,

It was good to hear from you again. I wondered why I hadn't heard from you. I was afraid the pictures scared you off! I hope you feel better soon. How exactly did you manage to sit on a cactus? That had to have hurt! Yes, I enjoy going for motorcycle rides sometimes - it all depends upon the weather. I do have a few single girlfriends - why do you ask? The only place I'm pierced is my ears, and I've never had any desire to get a tattoo. I'm a big sissy when it comes to pain. I like Calamity Jane's, and you're right - it might be a good place for a first meeting. Once we actually meet, we can discuss the idea of weekend getaways, ok? I don't think we should get ahead of ourselves here.

Talk to you soon!

Stacey


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Dear Michael,

Thank you for the response. No, I've never been sky-diving in the nude. That doesn't sound like much fun to me, truthfully. The wind would play havoc with your nether bits, wouldn't it? I like to think of myself as a fairly adventurous person, but I'm not sure I'd be comfortable at a biker rally - even if they DO let all the topless women in for free.

Ciao,

Stacey


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Hey Michael,

Were you drinking when you wrote that last e-mail? Some of your sentences didn’t make a lot of sense. I appreciate that you like me, but running naked down the street with my name emblazoned across your chest in red lipstick might be a little extreme, don’t you think? You were lucky that the policeman had that emergency call or you’d have gone straight to jail. What were you thinking? You’re really starting to worry me, Michael.

Stacey


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Michael,

I think it would be a good idea if you stopped writing to me. I’ve got absolutely no desire whatsoever to tie you up and pour honey on your privates. Yuck! I don’t even like honey!
And that thing with the Crisco and the chicken feathers? Disgusting! Where do you come up with this stuff? You need help, Michael. Seriously. Professional help.

Please don’t write again,

Stacey


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Ok Dipshit,

Enough is enough. I’m calling the police. I’m not too sure what a one-eyed spitting dragon is exactly, but there’s no way you’re going to get me to pet yours! I’ve never even heard of a panty-oyster - how do you expect me to feed you one? I hate seafood, you moron! This isn’t even funny anymore. I swear, one more e-mail and you’re going to be playing “hide-the-soap” with some guy named Bubba down at the County lock-up. I called my brother and he’s coming over there to whip your ass, you freak! Leave me alone!


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Dear Kevin,

Thanks for the great e-mail!
I’m glad you liked my profile. I read yours with interest as well. You sound like a really nice guy, and I’d like to know more about you. I enjoy dancing and thunderstorms and long walks in the moonlight. I’m reading “The DaVinci Code” right now, and I’ve got a cat named Sammi. I love movie-theater popcorn!

Hope to hear from you soon!

Stacey