The Memorys

The Memory


I watched the blood fall from her finger tips. I watched as she begged god to forgive her for what she had done. I watched her slowly bleed to death. I watched her suffer.
The horrible memories came back again and again. It had only been two years ago and it feels like it just happen 30 seconds ago. I sat there looking at my pictures of Ruddy and Tracy. She looked so happy nothing could possibly be so wrong in her life that she went and committed suicide.
I keep asking myself that over and over again. It wouldn’t stop haunting me. I began to cry as I hurriedly put up away the pictures and ran to the bathroom to throw up. After I washed my face and brushed my teeth I walked out into the hall and down the stairs.
“Daphne, are you ready?” my mother yelled from the kitchen.
“Yeah!” I answered walking in.
“Oh honey, it’ll be fine. Don’t worry you’ll do wonderful.” She said wrapping me in a warm and gentle hug. “Smile. Be happy.”
It was the anniversary of Tracy’s suicide and we were going over to her house to her parent’s. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be in her house where all the memories would resurface. I didn’t want to relive the pain.
Mom led me out to the Surbran in the front and started the engine. I sighed as I buckled the seat belt around me.
“Daph, I know you don’t want to go to Tracy’s today but I think it might help you a little. Just for a few minutes that’s as we’re going to stay. I promise.” Mom said reassuringly.
I nodded and turned on the radio. 90.7 The Rock was playing “Show Me” by Domestic Cry. It was Tracy’s favorite band and my favorite song.
I looked out the wind and started to sing along under my breath.
“Show me where to I’ve messed up,
Show me how I can change it,
Come on and show me,
I’ll do anything,
Just show me,
I know I’ve been wrong,
I couldn’t help it,
Just show me where to go,
And let my past burn,
Show me, Show me,
Come on, you’re the only one,
Show me.”
The song went into a guitar solo and started up again but I was too lost in my thought to start singing again. The memories started to flood back.
“Hey Daph…” the memory started off. “You know what would be awesome?” Tracy asked
“What?” I replied
“If I got three backstage passes to ‘SOUNDOUT’ Domestic Cry Live.” Tracy said.
“NO WAY!” I gasped.

“Yeah Daph. You, Rubby, and myself are meeting Kay, Renegade, and Howen.”
“Oh wow…..” the memory started to fade away and the cold chill of reality came over me as we pulled into Tracy’s driveway.
“Hey Daphne, I think Rubby is here also.” Mom said, she pointed to a blue Sedan parked a crossed the road.

That reassured me a little as we climbed the few steps to the doors. Mom rang the bell and Mr.Maas opened the door. I haven’t seen him since Tracy’s funeral two years ago, on the eighteenth. He looked better now then back then. Although his eyes looked broken with grief, he was happy we were here, though.
“Daphne, Rene, come in we’re happy you came over,” Mr. Maas smiled at us and moved to let us in.

Mom was right when she said Ruby was here. She was sitting on the couch with Tracy’s brother Mat. Neither one was talking; they both actually looked like they were trapped with in their thoughts. So I wasn’t the only one still be effected by Tracy’s death.
Rene, Daphne, how are you. Gosh we’ve haven’t seen you in forever.” Mrs. Maas said coming from the kitchen.
“Lora, how have you been? You look wonderful.” Mom said.

“Oh we’ve been getting better and better each day, baby step we take but we are better.” Mrs. Maas lead mom into the kitchen, where Mrs. Maas and Rubby’s mom, Ms. Kavanagh was talking.

Mr. Maas came up to me and gave me a hug. “How have you been, kido? We’ve missed you comin’ around. But I understand why.” He said releasing me from his hold and walking into the kitchen.

I looked back into the living room and Mat and Rubby. “Hi guys.” I greeted.
Mat was the firestone who came out of thought first; he looked at me with the same blues eyes as his sister. “Hey Daph.” He said and nudged Rubby gently. She looked up at me and tears just started pouring out of her eyes as she jumped up and threw her arms around me. Mat got up too and hugged us also.
“Daph, Daphne!” Rubby sobbed

I squeezed her tight against me. I could feel myself beginning to shake and choke up. My eyes began to fill with unsheded tears that burned. I tried my hardest to hold back the urge to cry.

“Daphne I’m so glad you are here. God I am I glad.” Rubby sobbed.
Mat walked us both to the couch, and then disappeared into the kitchen. Leaving only Rubby and myself alone a bit so we could talk. Everything was silent.
“Can you believe…” Rubby murmured. “You believe it’s been only two years. Two years. Two years Daphne, two years.” Rubby said.

I looked at her and honestly said. “No, I can’t believe its been two years since Tracy committed suicide. I just can’t believe it because to me it feels like it was just yesterday we were walking down the street outside singing the lyrics to “A Heart so Cold as Me” by Faithful Never. No I can’ believe it”
Rubby smiled slightly through her watery expression. We always use to go down the road after school singing “A Heart so Cold as Me”. Everyone got a kick out us we made fools of our selves and didn’t care.

Mat appeared suddenly with glasses of water. Rubby took along sallow I just took sips, I felt sick and dizzy. I was ready to go but something pulled at my heart to stay. I couldn’t say what exactly; it could be the poor broken look in Mr.Maas eyes, Mr.Maas words she said to my mother, Mats non-talking actions, or even Rubby’s tears of sorrow. Maybe it was my own wanting to stay here and see Tracy one last time. Although I knew I would never her again.

“Daphne?” it was Mat who spoke.
“Yeah?” I glanced up at him.
“Could you come with me real quick?” he asked.
“Sure.” I stood and followed him into the hallway.

“Daph, I had a dream last night.” He began slowly. “I think Tracy was trying to tell me something. I was in her room and you were there. You sitting on the bed facing the mirror on the closet door.” He took a breathe, he trying to hold back emotions that threaten him. “I was in the doorway and something fell in the closet and broke. The door swung open and the thing that had fell was Tracy’s shoe piggy bank and in the mess of glass and change was a note that was addressed to you.” he finished
I looked at him and ran for Tracy’s bedroom on the top floor. Mat followed behind me. I reached the door and flung it open. I sat myself on the bed where Mat said I was in his dream. Mat stopped in the doorway as he had said and leaned on the frame. A crash came from the closet.

“Mat is very thing okay up there?” Mr.Maas voice came from the lower level of the house.

“Yeah, we’re fine.” Mat yelled back.
I stood and walked to the closet door. I opened it and on the floor was Tracy’s broken shoe piggy bank and in the shatter glass was the fold piece of paper and in the dark bold writing was: DAPHNE

I picked up the paper and unfolded it. I read the letter.
“Dear Daphne,
Please forgive me for my selfish act. I am truly sorry that I did it. I know I really didn’t want to but…….but it would make his lie easier if I wasn’t around to hold him back. Daphne he hates me and never wanted anything to do with me…he never really loved me. What I did was wrong but I made him happy so I’m happy. You’ll always be with me though…I love you.
Always

Love,
Tracy”
My eyes began to water and Mat came over and hugged me tight around the shoulders. The tears fell then… “Tracy killed herself because of Eric, Mat! She killed herself because of Eric!” I sobbed. He tightens his grip on my shoulders.
“I know she did.” Mat said, his voice was sorrow and pain felt.
“What?!” I asked anger and confusion building with me.

“I knew she was going to kill herself. I knew and I didn’t do anything to stop her…I was scared and confused and I didn’t think she would actually do it…really I didn’t think.” Mat began to cry from his past mistake.

This was why, I realized, I didn’t want to come here. I didn’t want to find out why Tracy committed suicide. I wanted to sit at home today and mope and think. But mom had to drag me here where I would find the truth to my best friend’s suicide.
I stood up then and ran out of the room, down the stairs and out the front door. Everyone in the house followed me out outside. I didn’t know what came over me but I ran down the street to the last house on the block which as Eric Heridel lived.
“Eric you…” I stopped, and looked behind me. Mr. and Mr.Maas, Ms. Kavanagh, Mat, Rubby, and my mom were in a group walking towards me. I looked at them all and began to cry harder.

I dropped to my knees with my face toward the sky and I screamed “WHY!!!” The memories came rushing back again and again getting louder and louder until finally my mother came rushing to me and wrapped her arms around me.
“Baby don’t cry. Baby don’t cry. Tell me what’s wrong.” My mother cooed to me.
“It’s all his fault mommy.” I said “It’s all Eric’s fault Tracy died. It was all his fault.”
I never wanted to say those words because I didn’t like to snitch. But I did and more memories came flooding back, memories I wish to forget. But those memories will always be apart of me and I can’t forget them… My Memories.
The Memories.