Letter to myself 5 years ago.

Hey Girl, Yeah, its me or rather you… well, it’s the me, that we will be in five years.

You’re going through the divorce right now and searching everywhere for Mr. Right. Listen to what I say ~ You won’t find him ~ not until your right with yourself. You will spend many lonely nights and cry big tears. Try not to take it so hard and don’t be so demanding of yourself and those that love you. You will gain wisdom and eventually learn that happiness will come from the inside of you, but until then- keep your chin up and try not to punish yourself so bad.

You’re sleeping through class, staying out all night at the bars chasing after what you think you need. You will figure it out soon, it will take a while, and you will have some breakdowns, pain and heartaches but you’re getting wisdom through this all.

Regardless, even though you think you failed at college, you managed to acquire skills that will get you in the job you want. I know your scared and fear makes you feel anger but stop turning it inward. You will get better.

Stay away from the guy in the apartment upstairs! Don’t be so obsessed with him, he is going to help you become an addict! Long after he has come and gone from your life, you will still struggle with addiction. I know you are having good times but damn it you won’t even remember them in 5 years!

He will introduce you to the bottle and you will waste so much of our precious time in a drunken state, feeling sorry for yourself and hurting us and the one’s that really do love us. But…

The plus side ~ they will forgive you ~ and eventually you will learn to forgive yourself.

The good thing ~ you will know what it’s like to battle the powers of darkness and you will be able to reach out for those that other people bypass. You will be able to empathize with them passionately and genuinely. Eventually you will be a ray of hope to other souls lost in the darkness of addiction and you will lead many to the light of love.

But Remember ~ the road to recovery is long and there will be times when you lose yourself. Take heart! You’ll have to lose yourself to sincerely find yourself.

I know that right now you feel hopeless, unloved and desperate and you’re grasping hold of anything and anyone to feel the emptiness inside. Though you may feel this way for sometime, eventually, you will get stronger and those feelings will grow weaker.

I know this isn’t what you want to hear but the truth is, you will travel solo for much of this journey. You will grow self sufficient, stable and strong-willed (not just angry). You will find your strength in God, not man.

The desires of your heart will come to pass. You will find that job and be in a position to help the less fortunate. You will sell that car that’s as old as you are and get a shiny new payment on the 7th of every month.

You will have so many material possessions that you’re stumbling over it all while walking through your home…but Jen, these things won’t bring you the happiness that you think they will ~ You will find that in your spirit ~

A Husband? Kids? I will have to write to you again when I can give a heads up on those topics.

Until another five is gone, Forever Yours...

You, in another 5 years.