For Hume the Bell Tolls

For Hume the Bell Tolls

By

John W Drake

I had the bunk next to Private Hume; directly in the line of fire. My squad was a group of twelve invincible young men. We were brave beyond measure, brothers in arms. But Hume, he was the bravest of us all. This is his story. I, your faithful scribe, set before you this example of his valor.

“Attention!” Our squad leader shouted, as Corporal Jenkins entered our barracks.

We scrambled to our feet and stood dead still, eyes front, next to our bunks. Except for Hume, his eyeballs would always dart to the corners of his sockets. Stealing furtive glances at Corporal Jenkins like a schoolgirl at her first spring dance.

“I found this rifle loitering by the latrines”, said Corporal Jenkins holding out the vagrant weapon.

“To who does this rifle belong?” he demanded.

“To whom Corporal Jenkins sir”, corrected Private Hume.

“And where is Hume?”

“No sir Corporal sir I meant ‘to whom does this rifle belong’ sir” replied Private Hume nervously.

“And who are you Private?” demanded Corporal Jenkins.

“Hume sir Corporal Sir”, he replied.

“Whom are you then Private?” Corporal Jenkins repeated loudly and impatiently.

“No sir, I meant ‘Hume’ I am Private Hume sir Corporal, sir.”

“And is this your rifle Hume?”

“Sir, No sir, I have mine sir Corporal, sir.”

“Well then maybe whom this rifle belongs to may like to preview the punishment. I think Hume can demonstrate. Drop and give me fifty Hume! And count whom on the odd numbers. When I find the culprit Hume will do another fifty with him”

“Yes sir Corporal, sir” said Hume dropping to comply with the order.

“One.”

“Start again Hume!”

“Yes sir Corporal, sir, whom..two..whom..four..whom..six…”

Corporal Jenkins bellowed. “For those whom haven’t had a fine education like Private Hume here, let me spell it out for you.”
“You are not here to learn English!”
“You are here to learn to shoot!”

“whom..fifteen..”

“Start again Hume!”

“whom..two..whom..four....”

“You are here to learn to kill the enemy!”
“You are here to learn to follow orders!”
“You do not have a father. I am your father!”
“You do not have a mother. I am your mother!”
"You do not have a girlfriend. Your rifle is your girlfriend!"
"If you don't look after her. I will look after you"
"You are not on civvy street!"

“You..are in..the Army!”

“…whom…fifty. I am finished sir Corporal, sir” Hume announced out of breath.

“Hume, fall back in.”

“Sir Corporal, sir”, said Hume, “we all have our rifles sir, I counted twelve, sir.”

A vague memory of many beers the night before crept up on Corporal Jenkins. Other memories, of many trips in the night with gyppo guts, squeezed through. Then it smacked him like a round from an M16.

“Squad; form up on the parade ground after I dismiss you.”

“Squad! Dismissed!” Corporal Jenkins barked.

“Not you Hume, you have fifty more,” said Corporal Jenkins.

“You count,” said Corporal Jenkins as he joined Private Hume on the floor in the press-ups position.

“Whom…two”

“Count normally Hume!, I haven't got all day”

“One…two…”