The Ironic truth

1. On May De Mayo I went to Hot August Nights to escape the snow.

2. One day at swim practice my coach yelled at one girl to 'stay on her toes' because she was not paying attention and sat on her knees.

3. What's Hitler's last name?

4. My sister said my momma was so fat that when she tried to run around her she got lost. I had to remind her that we have the same mom.

5. I yelled, "Help! Some canible has been chasing me all night!".
The stranger said, "Don't worry, calm down. I'll help you find him."

6. Why did Noah bring mosqitoes on his ark?

7. Have you ever seen a peanut stand?

8. If dog's have cleaner mouths and kill rodent with them imagine how dirty our mouths are.

9. Are you considered crazy if you are a cemetery worker, but you hate the graveyard shift?

10. Why is fools gold shinier that real gold?

11. How come when a black cat crosses you path it's unlucky, but when a white cat does it's disrespectful?

12. You can laugh all you want, but my backyard anthill is protected with soap and water!

13. Since there are thirteen stripes on the American flag, does it mean that U.S. is unlucky?

14. When you have amnesia does your life flash before you eyes?

15. If you enjoyed these puns than say so! If not tell me I need to go back to the drawing board. (What did the go back to before the drawing board was invented?)