The Men in Black Socks

Q. I have a dog that seems to feel the need to evacuate his bladder from time to time. This habit seems to be having a detrimental effect on my lawn. I’ve heard that tomato juice will help. Any suggestions?

A. Let me begin this answer by saying that there is actually a top secret branch of our federal government that is dedicated to keeping pets off of lawns. They are the “Men in Black Socks” (or MIBS). My next door neighbor Herman is our local agent. He wears the trademark mid-calf black socks along with seersucker plaid shorts and a skin tight white tank top with a rank-designating coffee stain. Just look down our street any day during the Summer and you’ll see “H” yelling at some child or animal to get off his lawn!

While just about every neighborhood has at least one agent by now, they don’t seem to be having much of an overall effect on the damage done by doggie wee wee. So let’s take a more scientific approach to this matter and help save the government all those wasted salaries.

Dog urine has a very high concentration of ammonia. Human urine probably does too, but whenever I’ve tried to test this theory, my neighbors got pretty upset. One of the main components of ammonia is nitrogen. This is also the primary nutrient in fertilizer. Now, I’m always trying to hammer home the point that there can be too much of a good thing. This is the perfect example.

The concentration of the ammonia right at the um, “point of impact” is simply too high, and the grass dies off from a NOD (Nitrogen Overdose). If you’ll look though, you’ll notice that the grass surrounding the dead stuff is actually lusher and thicker than the rest of the lawn. This is because the edges get a lower concentration of the nitrogen that is more akin to a localized fertilizing.

Before you feed your dog any sort of dietary addition to lower the ammonia concentration, please speak to your veterinarian. Unlike lawns, the NFL, and the entire Police Academy movie series, this is not an issue I can intelligently speak on. Suffice it to say, I have heard many conflicting reports as to the effectiveness of this approach. My belief is that these remedies may lower the ammonia concentration by a certain amount. If your dog naturally produces just a bit too much ammonia, the slight reduction may just do the trick. If your dog naturally produces way too much, then I doubt any dietary changes will help.

I can tell you that watering the areas that the dog prefers will help by dissipating the ammonia before it has a chance to kill the grass. This will take some diligence, and it’s not foolproof, but it should help depending on how well you keep up with it. Just make sure the area in question is being watered daily. If you have any unplanted areas of the yard, you may also wish to train Fluffy to take care of business in those spots. With a combination of watering and training, you should be able to minimize the damage.

By the way, I overheard Herman speaking with another agent through his chewed cigar-butt communicator this morning. Apparently once you join the MIBS, your friends and relatives actually will continue to recognize and remember you. They’ll just pretend not to.

Got any questions? E-mail me at [e-mail] or chris@teedandbrown,com. Maybe your question will be answered next time!

Christopher J Brown is owner and co-founder of Teed & Brown, Inc. Lawn Care for Distinctive Homes. You can visit him at www.TeedandBrown.com or contact him at [phone].