Golden Tears - Chap. 1

Title: "Onegaishimasu"
By: Michiro-Chan

*Dedicated to anyone who has brushed shoulders with Ana, flashed pearly-whites to little Mia, and grazed fingertips with death. Please don't let eating disorders kill you.

General Warnings: I DO NOT RECOMMEND THOSE WITH EATING DISORDERS TO READ, BECAUSE THIS WILL MOST LIKELY FURTHER THEIR PRACTICES OR GIVE THEM MORE SICK IDEAS TO DWELL ON. PLEASE, I DO NOT PROMOTE EATING DISORDERS, ONLY POST THIS TO PREVENT THE MISTAKE FROM BEING AFFLICTED ONTO OTHERS.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Yuugiou nor do I own any of the characters used in this fan fiction.

Anyway, I’ll keep updating! Please review if you can!

If you happen to be craving another chapter of this story, you can find the entire story as of now on this URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1946606/2/

XXX

"You have everything you could’ve ever wanted…except for happiness."

XXX

"Mokuba, don’t worry--s’okay…whatevah it is you’re crying ‘bout…everything’s gonna be all right…"

The blond gazed again compassionately back to the juvenile Kaiba, and an expression of sheer perplexity twisted along his face, noticing the succulent tears swept in the boy’s misty eyes. "Mokuba? C’mon, spill. What’s up?" he murmured pityingly, beckoning a reassuring palm to the youth’s shoulder.

He quaked with his sobs, and jerked his head back to Jounouchi, tortured, wild glimmer in those shimmering, smoke-gray orbs. "Jounouchi, it’s--it’s a problem with nii-sama…he’s…I think he’s trying to kill himself. I--I don’t want him to know I see it. But, I don’t understand what’s happenin' ta' him anymore…"

The horrified child buried his tear-stained face into Jounouchi’s arms. The flaxen-haired teen merely grinned and stroked the lowly boy’s dark, glossy hair. "Y’know why your brother would do something like this?" he smiled teasingly toward the younger Kaiba, and lifted his tear-stricken visage by the use of his finger beneath the shorter child’s chin. Mokuba always overstated the problem when it came to his brother’s concern-there was no good sense in throwing himself into disarray. "Betta' start explainin', kid."

Mokuba’s muffled wailing slowly stopped, and he continued speaking in his whispered hysteria, brushing away Jounouchi’s comforting hand. "I know he’s really hurting inside…but--he started--he…he just looks horrible, Jounouchi! I’ve known him all my life, but ever since the past couple weeks--he looks… he’s looked…I didn’t think it was possible, but--I think he’s--"

Jounouchi’s tawny eyes twinkled gallantly. "What is it? Mokuba, just tell me."

"He’s--lately--"

"What is it then--?"

The black-haired youth sniveled in remorse. "Jounouchi! It scares me so much…he--nii-sama isn't eating. I don’t know why he’s not…but, he’s just looked really sick. He’s always takin' pills for his insomnia--even anti-depressants--and it feels just like a' everyday thing seeing him take those pills with his glass of water. But, I see him take extra a lot. When our doctor subscribes him two a day, he could take ten. 'Few days ago when he overdosed, he wasn’t thinking…nii--nii-sama almost threw himself out the window…"

The pre-adolescent’s trembling hands were brought up to his quivering, clenching mouth. "When he started missing school to work on a project for the company, his eating patterns started changing. When he overworks, he'll always forget to stop to eat something, 'cuz he'll get so caught up in it all. When I can get nii-sama to come to eat, he'll do it. But now...he leaves the table with a full plate. I've been quiet about it so far. I thought it'd just go away. I thought maybe he was just sad. But it's been weeks now, and I still haven't seen the last time he really ate…nii-sama still won't touch his food at dinner--he just pushes it around his plate like I'm not gonna notice. He says it’s just symptoms from his medicine, but--"

Mokuba’s thin body shook with his somber words. "It’s not just medicine. It’s Seto…it’s him, Jounouchi! He’ll work, an' he won’t stop! But--but, I don’t stop him. I CAN’T! He’s scaring me so much, Jounouchi! I tried to take him to the doctors, but nii-sama won’t go…I’m terrible--if I really loved him, I would’ve stopped it a long time ago…I’m horrible! I DESERVE TO DIE! Nii-sama’s starving; he doesn’t even know what he’s doin' to himself--and I don’t do a thing…NOTHING!"

The pair of amber pools corresponding to Mokuba’s darker ones glowed within his bearing, and he shaped his face into a benevolent, lenient exterior. "Mokuba, he’s always been a workaholic. I wouldn’t be too worried--don’t blame yourself for it. Maybe you’re taking this too far. I mean, Kaiba could be just doin’ something--"

Mokuba violently shook his head, teeming tresses flogging the air with his fierce gesture. "D’you know how much he weighs, Jounouchi! DO YOU! HAVE YA SEEN HOW--"

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down there…just explain. I’m just trying to be positive ‘bout this, ‘kay?"

"Well, y--you haven’t seen how thin he’s getting. I didn’t wanna believe it either. I know what he’s doing--and it scares me so much, Jounouchi--it’s as if a demon’s possessed him…just…I don’t know what to do anymore. Jounouchi…it's really short notice, but--please couldja' help me? I know he really doesn’t like you or Yuugi that much, but…"

The adolescent’s next indication was complete disinterest. "Mokuba, I’d like to help. But how do I help a guy that hates me even more than Yuugi? I can’t remember having even one civilized conversation with that mulish, bigheaded--" he broke off at the midst of his words, out of pity seeing the dejection displayed on the younger boy’s expression. "Thing is…Mokuba, I would only make him feel worse. I’m sorry--hope everything works out for ya--" Jounouchi began walking away, but staggered with a tireless grasp that’d released from his upper arm.

"Jounouchi! If ya don’t wanna help nii-sama, then just think of it like a time when you helped your sister when she was sick one time…I’m positive if Shizuka was doing what nii-sama was doing, you’d be just as worried as me." Both didn’t move for a bit, and an unfathomable current of air whisked aside strands of jet-black hair into Mokuba’s teary eyes. "Ya hafta' understand how scared I am, Jounouchi. If Shizuka wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating, I know you’d be scared to death--you’d never forgive yourself for what happened." Murky, dampened twin pools glimmered sadly. "Ya gotta understand, Jounouchi. Help me."

The blonde’s heart throbbed inside his ribcage. It was downright petrifying to even think of his sister like that. Mokuba’s moving, uncorrupt words made him realize-that even an inhumane jerk like Kaiba didn’t deserve that kind of pain. And neither did his poor brother.

"Get over here, kid…" Jounouchi grinned toothily, ocher eyes glistening with tears. The grade schooler tittered in thanks, and tossed his arms around the adolescent’s shoulders, chuckling jovially.

"Thanks a ton, Jounouchi--!"

The teen daubed his eyes out of Mokuba’s sight, while the young Kaiba spoke with him briskly--and the response that followed was relaxed. "I’ll help you, Mokuba…but, just remember. Your brother hates me, so don’t think this is gonna be easy."

"Yep." The raven-haired youth smiled blithely as any child would. "Just talk to him at school, Jounouchi. Ya can come over whenever ya want, too. Don’t worry, I’ll tell the guards I invited you over, and I’ll make sure nii-sama doesn’t find out. But--I hafta' go to school right now…" He beamed once more at the one dying second and trotted off, waving his hand enthusiastically back to the fair-haired teen. "Thanks, Jounouchi! I won’t forget it!"

The tawny-eyed adolescent heaved out an aggravated sigh after the child had sprinted off. "God, I’m such a pushover--" His mind raced with the heavy thoughts of painstaking conversation with the brunet. "Ah, well. I’ll work on it…" and the blond quickly toddled off to Domino high.

XXX

Jounouchi wandered through the common, twisting halls of Domino high, clasping his typical leather expandable file on his shoulder, as he would routinely do on whichever school morning. His eye caught view of a friend. "Good mornin’, Yuugi! How you doin? Good?"

The shorter teen smiled toothily. "Definitely, Jounouchi-kun! Did you sleep well?"

Jounouchi grinned feverishly back to his comrade. "Yeah, but--" His gaze grew more grim following the mention of sleep. "Yuugi? ‘Bout Kaiba…have ya seen him these past weeks?"

The peculiar-haired adolescent cocked his brow toward this change of discussion, and shook his head. "No--hasn’t been to school for a few months, so I haven’t seen him around. He’s probably working on something big for KaibaCorp like he usually does."

Nodding slowly to this courteous response, the golden-haired youngster settled on dismissively pointing on the situation Mokuba had explained to him earlier. He didn’t feel like keeping a secret from Yuugi, but he felt shifty of the CEO’s reputation at stake. He knew Yuugi wouldn’t tell a soul, but he felt protective for one reason or another. "Uh…well, I was thinking-what if he was doing somethin’ else?"

His brow knitted faintly into a good-natured frown. "What d’you mean, Jounouchi-kun--"

The tone of heavy, yet graceful footsteps instantly fixed into his ears, and he joggled his head cagily toward the definite clatter of elaborate dress shoes. "Yuugi, sorry--I’ll see ya later. Gotta’ go now…bye!" Jounouchi’s adept run jostled throughout hordes of weary teens, and the gamer was left in absolute confusion.

"Oh--goodbye, Jounouchi-kun! See ya!" The juvenile heaved out a bubbly sigh at his friend’s, at times, strange behavior, and emerged into the corridor.

The blond continued trotting through the halls in search of the brunet, and directly caught vision of Seto’s head, far-flung throughout the mass of students, speaking politely with one of the teachers. Knowing it thoughtless to interrupt, he waited for the auburn-haired teen to slowly come his way, and his patience was well paid. The elder Kaiba came his way, and Jounouchi followed valiantly.

"Yo, Kaiba! We need to talk!" he hollered, loudly enough for the dark-haired teenager to stop in his tracks.

"What could you possibly have to confer with me, imbecile?"

Jounouchi clutched him by the hand, ushered him promptly to the restrooms, and locked the door tightly behind them both. "‘Kay, Kaiba. Now that we’re alone in here…" He warily ensured that none of the many lined stalls had been in use by remaining students, and moaned in relief to find all of them empty. "Okay. I brought ya here to tell you--well, someone told me whatchyou’re doing."

The CEO slit his cobalt eyes, and grunted, "What did they tell you? And who?" The boy immediately turned his gaze away from Jounouchi, as if slowly losing the ease to stare directly into the star-studded pair of bizarrely feral, yellowish-brown, twin almonds.

"Let’s get it over with…apparently, these past weeks, ya been really screwed up, Kaiba. What’s up?"

Silence swept the both of them, and the hostile adolescent groaned irritably, and sunk down to the polished, tiled floor, grasping his hair. Jounouchi kept his glistening eyes centered on the pitiful scene before him. Seto’s hair had grown much duller, and thinner strands of hair hung in his eyes, lacking that thick, bulky, lustrous appearance it usually had. His Prussian eyes were much bigger, seeing how his eyelids had become much more taut, and sickly-looking. His hands resembled ailing, pale, coiled spiders, built with long, bony, white legs.

As it always seemed odd seeing Kaiba in school uniform, strangely dwindling his usually thorough shoulders lacking the heavy overcoat and layers beneath; today, his shoulders looked even more lessened than they regularly did, and the usual tight, flattering appearance the uniform generally had on his muscled breasts was hardly visible anymore. His clothes dangled un-tamely along his frame; and his trousers were mere bags along his limbs and hips.

Seto’s ashen cheeks were drawn cadaverously into his face, and the withered up epidermis on the teen’s face scorned Jounouchi’s disbelief. "Nothing’s wrong, and as far as I’m concerned, none of this even involves you, so I’m going to insist you not bring this up ever again." He refused to gape into the canine’s face openly. He always wondered how he could say such pithy words even when he knew he was dying.

Creases twisted in suspicion at Jounouchi’s temples as he viewed Seto. The russet-haired youth actually looked past excruciatingly thin in understanding of Mokuba’s alarm. It seemed beyond help by now.

"Whatevah you’re doing, Kaiba, you’re scaring the hell outta’ your brother. I talked to the little guy a while ago, and he was crying. Eh. Look at me when I’m talking to you." he whispered, eyes grown austere. "If something’s actually up, tell me why."

A livid stare returned Jounouchi’s curiously sober one. "Get this through that thick skull of yours. Nothing is wrong, none of this is your concern, and Mokuba or whomever told you this was clearly mistaken."

The blond scoffed. "Kaiba, listen." He furrowed his golden brows toward the pubescent beneath him, settling beside him calmly. "You’re starving yourself, right--?" Jounouchi stared toward him. The brunet wouldn’t return the gaze. "And by the looks of it…ya look peaked…but--you’re really trying to do this just for yourself? Or is it ‘cause of something else--?"

"Don’t speak to me." Seto scowled.

The flaxen-haired pubertal laid the palm of his hand beneath the rear of his neck, recognizing his rather rude offense--forefinger playfully pressing down at the one, easily visible knob of bone initiating his spinal column--his palm slowly descended, bringing to his attention his spine growing more indistinct throughout the rest of his nourished structure. Comparing Kaiba to his own situation, he wondered how stomach-turning Kaiba’s vertebrae would feel to the touch…his head whirred as he focused his vision again to the other teen,--Kaiba Seto, one of Yuugi’s most daunting adversaries, was covering up his thinness with heavy clothing like some kind of insecure, fifteen-year-old girl hiding an eating disorder?

"There is nothing wrong with me, and you’re both just imagining all of it. There’s nothing to agonize about."

Jounouchi withdrew ponderingly. "That tone. You’re lying." His serene face formed into an expression of sheer shock. "You really don’t eat--it’s true. Ya don’tsleep, ya work non-stop, ya overdosin'…ya killing yourself, Kaiba. Why would you be doing this? You of all people…really sucks the hope outta’ the rest of civilization--"

The other teen paused, and a struggled glimmer flickered within his typically distant eyes. "So, Mokuba told you then."

Jounouchi frowned. "‘Bout what?"

The brunet lowered his gauzy eyelids over his pupils, shooting for an ineffectual intimidation play-act; wrapping stealthy hands around his tiny frame, and tossed in his signal along with an irritated glare. "He told you these lies about me. He even went to the trouble of crying over it--"

His genial eyes broadened. "Kaiba, you’re picking the wrong time to lie." He lifted an unconcerned hand toward the problem, still only an inexpressive gawp formed on the CEO’s bony façade. "Anyway, doesn’t matter. If you keep it up, you’re gonna starve yourself to death, and you can’t allow yourself to die, seeing how ya own Kaiba Corporation and everything…you’re not gonna mess up the Kaiba name--you can take care of yourself."

"If anything, I’m barely even close to hunger--still, I can see you’re the least bit clued-up to understand that I can see to whatever unreal problem I have-- myself." He began treading his slow path out from the bathroom, but was blocked by a comment that followed his own.

"You seen yourself lately? You need a psychiatric specialist or something? Go take a look in the mirror over there, and you might understand what I mean. It’s pretty sick, Kaiba." The brunet said nothing in reaction to this. Jounouchi couldn’t help but sympathize. "God damn, Kaiba. You must not get any air to your brain when you got an ass ‘bout the size of my pinkie finger--"

"Ha. Funny being said from someone who probably weighs half of what I do with the table manners of a wild pig…"

"Ya fuckin’ blind? If you took a good look in the mirror during your whole hunger strike, you would’ve kept eating at noticing how you looked like a damn--"

"Enough. Don’t get involved with affairs that don’t concern you, mutt."

"Kaiba. You’re really startin’ to piss me off." Jounouchi rutted his brow charily toward the apathetic president of Kaiba Corporation, and plunged a hasty hand into his pocket, lifting and tossing a small, plastic-wrapped package toward the adolescent.

Seto’s hands caught hold of the package, and he watched the sack for a moment. He grunted in the slightest. "You carry Pochy in your pockets to school, Jounouchi? Now, I’d have to say that’s--"

"You didn’t eat breakfast, right?"

"It isn’t in your place to ask me questions, Jou--"

"You either did or didn’t, Kaiba. And I’m guessing no, right?" The teenager refused to counter, so the blond continued his encouraging rant. "Anyway, Kaiba. You of all people need some food." He grinned. "Eat now, or I’ll get another bag--" The golden-haired adolescent gestured toward another bulge in his pocket, and the taller teen quietly released a harrowed sound.

"Be on top of things with me, ignoramus. I’m not going to be told what to do, let alone by someone as stupid as you. I won’t play your game, and we’re beyond doubt in not continuing this stupid conversation. Unlike yourself, I do have places to go, and people to see, so move." Seto gently shoved out the other pubescent from his pathway, serenely jerking the knob, and heaving against the door, as if expecting it to open like any other but, annoyed to find it wouldn’t open, the teen grumbled reproachfully. "Don’t tell me this door locks from the outside, you vermin--"

The shorter juvenile beamed, and lifted up a bobby pin toward Kaiba’s conception. "Honestly thought I’d let ya out that easy, Kaiba? Now you play by my rules, or ya gonna be pretty late for English. An’ you got about--six minutes to make it there."

A husky growl escaped the other’s desert-like blemishes he called lips. "Jounouchi. I’m not joking around. Release us now."

Jounouchi chuckled slightly. "Be my guest and take another one."

A rumble was stifled in the brunet’s throat. "Whatever," and the ginger-haired adolescent tore open the package, and poured the flimsy, chocolate-coated sticks into his open mouth, grounding his jowls hotly. "And don’t you argue, puppy," he snarled through a mouthful of the delectable treat any toddler would savor. Chocolate. After a full twelve weeks, he’d found that the sickly-sweet texture was even more delicious than before--but he didn’t take the time to even relish the flavor left on his arid tongue; only savored the sensation of food in his mouth.

Jounouchi’s eyes blazed in slight laughter, while observing the annoyed Kaiba fidgeting angrily with the second bag, cheeks still bulbous with the original bulk of food. The blond snorted in amusement. "Kaiba, you’re wolfin’ it down like you haven’t eaten in weeks."

The longer teen narrowed his haggard eyes. "D’you enjoy watching me degrade myself?"

He cracked the misshapen, toothy grin he usually did--with those pillow-y, beautiful lips Seto loathed for one reason or another. "S’only getting harder for me to dream up a time when people feel happy with themselves for who they are. And it only gets worse with our generation. Sometimes, it gets yourself down hearing people say those things and, other times, it just gets you feeling sorry for them. You can’t cover it up with an act…‘cause, inside, you know that you’re really not happy with whatchya got."

He growled, and with great effort, slowly swallowed the horde of sugary nourishment. "Spare me the life lecture. Figures the only reason you decided to harass me this morning was because of your sad excuse for a conscience."

"That what ya call the thanks I get for trying to help you!" the boy’s fists trembled.

"You want me to thank you when I didn’t even ask forhelp?"

"Whatevah, Kaiba. You need to get it through that oversized head of yours that everyone needs help once in awhile."

"Well I’m not, as you put it, ‘everyone.’ So, I’d put that idea down to rest if I were you."

"You’re such an idiot, Kaiba. You think you’re so great with your brains and everything, but you don’t even notice it--even with your smarts and your machines, you’re still completely dead to the world--you’re still completely ignorant. Why can’t you see that that exact personality is the reason you got this way--!"

"Enough. You have no right to criticize me, Jounouchi. I’m not taking anymore of this--"

"Well, if you’re gonna go--just remember to try to keep the food down, ‘kay? If you do...ya develop a lot of problems if ya do that too much." The teen strode toward the door yet again, but was stopped by a hasty hand grasping his shoulder.

The pup’s eyes showed forceful concern. "Don’t you dare patronize me, mutt…I’m well aware of what kind of problems--"

"OKAY! Damn…Christ, man, you act like a total prick sometimes." His sandy-haired brows knitted slowly together. "Ya think that you got a right to push people around--and not accept people’s help even when you know you need it. An' ya act like you don’t have compassion and pity for others ‘cause of it. But, everyone’s got good feelings, Kaiba. And it seems that you deprived yourself of showing those things. And in any case…it doesn’t give you the right to treat people like you do…"

"Really now? Then I assume you can come up with an explanation as to why this is happening--"

The youth tossed off the group of bronzed fingers placidly clasped at his shoulder blade, and trotted off once more toward the exit that Jounouchi was making gallingly far at this point.

"Hey-! Wait, ya friggin’--" the leucous adolescent swat out his forearm toward the CEO, accidentally brushing his waggish reach against the youth’s shoulder blade.

Seto immediately stopped. "What the hell d’you think you’re doing?"

Jounouchi pulled back his hand frantically, as if his unplanned assault was lethal to the mind. "Kaiba, I didn’t mean to--I mean…aw, shit. I mean--I know something that could help you. Can ya stop being a prick and let me help?"

"I don’t need help, because there is no problem--and had I a crisis at my hands, I wouldn’t go to you of all people for help."

The fair-haired teen approached him carefully, and placed a wary hand upon the brunet’s bosom. For a peculiar reason, the other adolescent, never open to being touched by others, found himself tongue-tied, motionless, and staggered in the movement of his timid escape.

"Jounouchi? What are you doing? Don’t--"

"I’m…I’m…I don’t--you--" The blond hesitated for a moment, glimmer of contained temptation within his eyes.

He watched Seto’s eyes. Beneath its reserved outward show, his eyes looked hungry as hell. Blood-shot, sunken, pleading to its most insightful onlooker--despite what his brain was telling him--to feed the cadaver he ironically called a body.

At snail’s pace, he moved reluctant, yet nimble fingertips to the CEO’s pointed chin, quickly tipping down the slender visage toward his own broader complexion, and letting both supple lips meet, and bond evermore. Seto’s pupils winced at this prompt abuse, but he found himself, giving in to what he realized he was--frightfully--enjoying.

Jounouchi continued grazing his mingling tongue within Kaiba’s rather callow one. At once, he pulled back his locked lips from the other’s as he instantly recognized what he’d just been doing-a single thread of sodden saliva laced from both mouths; exposing itself as lustrously as sequin beneath the fluorescent-lighting. Finally thrusting back entirely from the confounded CEO, the thread of excess slaver quickly nipped at Jounouchi’s dithering drawback.

"Vermin--what the hell was that?" the auburn-haired teenager murmured.

The blond stopped any further misuse, hands promptly seizing his now-throbbing temples. "I…I don’t know. What tha’ fuck--?" His tawny, flustered eyes cast back to the condescending face of Kaiba Seto. "I--I don’t know what the hell got into me. But…but, you didn’t resist? Does that--"

Those glistening, cerulean orbs quickly hardened, now undeniably realizing his wrongdoing. "I won’t even say anything. Obviously, you don’t have the capacity to help anyone but yourself. I have to get to class--"

And the stuck-up adolescent brandished a pin from his own pocket, and within seconds-picked the lock himself. As the door swerved shut with a hard shove, Jounouchi was left staggered onto the ground. "Wh--wha jus’ happened?" A slender, golden brow creased over his left eye. "Why? Did he actually want that…?"

XXX

Michiro-Chan: Dammit. I can't stand this chapter. It makes me twitch every single time I read it, because it seems so damn mediocre. This chapter is dated about originally two years old, and has been lightly edited over that time frame. I'm feeling like the only time I can get Kaiba to be even remotely in-character are in the flashbacks. VV0 Ah well, I suppose I must deal with my incompetence...review, please.

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