untitled and unknown - third installment

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"i had told you once and i am telling you again - I WILL NEVER APPROVE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT WOMAN! your father had wanted you to marry jane, and you are not going to disappoint him nor will i let you ruin his reputation! i am not going to let you embarass this family over some girl who doesnt even deserve you in the first place!"

mischa felt numb. she couldnt believe what she was witnessing in front of her, she could believe her ears, nor her heart and mind would believe that this is really happening. she had gone down after taking a short afternoon nap when she found this little scene. craig was standing in the center of the living room having a really loud and scary argument with none other than his mother. and there was a really pretty girl, sitting comfortably on the couch as if enjoying the scene, a smug look on her face making her more like a bitch than a lady. if she had allowed herself to think, she might have asked why the heck she is the only one watching them or where had the others gone to. if she had allowed herself to think, she might have confronted his mother or ran out of the house. but her mind failed her, her heart breaking and numb, and she was stuck there, to witness everything.

"you will not insult mischa in front of me, mother." craig's voice, deadly calm, his last word sarcastic as if he would have caller her anything but that. "i love her. and i will not let you control my life."

"and i am not going to let you throw away everything that your father and i had worked so hard for. i will not let you ruin this family and your life. and i am never going to let you break the promise that your father had made to jane and her father." his mother's voice as serious as his, venom oozing out of every word. mischa flinched.

but craig and the other girl, she thought probably was jane, was unfazed. "going through this marriage will ruin this family and my life. i'd rather die." craig said, with the same voice as his mother's.

pain wrenched her chest and she found it hard to breathe. everything seemed to swirl aroun her. she couldnt hear what they were saying any more. the last thing she heard was a door slam before darkness enveloped her.

-------

it was two in the morning. she knew it was late. but she had to go out. she cant take it anymore. she had to go out.

mischa had awoken to find herself tucked in bed. she didnt know how she got there and she didnt care. all she knows is that the pain she was feeling was overwhelming.

quietly, she opened her door in her room. she sighed in relief when she realized that they were all asleep. she left a note for ciara so she'd not worry and send the cops to look for her. she was happy that she could count on her bestfriend for anything. but she didnt feel like having company today. last thing she needed now was someone fussing over her. she didnt want to talk, she just want to be alone.

next thing she knew, she was sitting in a bar, drinking her 8th glass of 'the strongest you got,' - that was what she said to the bartender, if she remembered correctly. she took a sip, it tasted awful but she felt warm, though the pain still wouldnt go away. she emptied the glass in one gulp.

mischa felt stupid. for the first time in her life, she regretted something, first time she felt really stupid. she felt stupid for waiting for craig, for believing him, for loving him. why did she wait for him for three awful years? he's engaged for goodness sake! he's never going to be hers anyway. why did she bother? she felt stupid because, somehow, she felt sorry for him, someone who is bethrothed not to his beloved. that must have sucked. she finished another glass of the alcohol. she smiled at the glass. 'may he have the best life... in hell.' she thought, raising the glass as if she was giving a toast. she pitied him really, forced to marry a snotty rich bitch that would would just hurt him and cheat on him. 'you deserve it.' she thought, her mind growing fuzzier by the minute.

he was engaged... not to her...

his mom doesnt approve of her...

he's going away...

he's leaving her...

she blinked. she counted the glasses in front of her. 16. 'that's nice.' she thought. 'now i'll know what a hangover feels like.' she hadnt had more than 2 glasses of wine in her entire life. she asked for another glass, and emptied in one gulp. she shook her head. the bartender must have done it wrong. it didnt feel like it was the strongest they got. drinking suppossed to make you forget. but why the hell is this alcohol not working? its making it worst with the headache she was starting to get.

she was about to ask for a stronger dose when she felt a hand on her wrist, stopping her movement. she looked up and found herself staring at a pair of familiar looking eyes, that was facing her, concern etched in his every feature.

"john mark!" she feigned surprise, trying to laugh, but her movement caused her head to spin so she leaned on the bar, looking at him on the side. "i didnt see you come in. sorry."

"what do you think you are doing?! trying to kill yourself by alcohol?!" he barked at her.

this made her shot her head up, glaring at him, ignoring the pain the sudden movement brought her. how dare he? he had no business to be there. he hurt her. they all hurt her. he didnt do any better than craig. he was worse. he made her believe. he told her he'll never leave him. he...

she was surprised when he suddenly hugged her. she hadnt realized that she was crying, as her thoughts found past hurt again. his smell felt so familiar, and he was so warm. fresh tears are starting to form in her eyes. and before she knew it, she had hugged him, crying with everything she got. hoping that afterwards, everything inside her was gone. but sadly, she knew the answer to that already.



CHAPTER FIVE: CROSS ROADS

its been a week.

a hell of a long week.

craig was at his office looking at the window wondering what the hell he was doing there. he was supposed to be still in vacation. but there he was, working his butt off again. as if he was making any progress. his mind is so preoccupied that he hardly makes any work done. he laughed at himself. man, he was pathetic.

his mind is on her again. mischa. he hadnt seen her since that night. the night that ruined everything. he laughed at himself again, but this time it was more forced. he wasnt even able to smile. he hurt the only woman he loves. and he hadnt seen her since.

he knew she had heard, knew by the look on her face before she fainted. knew by the way she sneaked out of the house after to God knows where. he knew by the way john mark looked at him when he gave him the unconscious mischa, who smelled like alcohol and her face was tear stained. he knew by the way ciara and the others wouldnt tell him where she was after she had disappeared again the following day. he sucked, big time.

what an irony! here he was, the owner of the largest company in all of asia and he cannot find a girl. he had tried everything he can, and still he could not find her. she's not in her house, and she's not answering calls. well, his calls at least. he was pretty sure she had gotten in touch with the others.

that was why he had cut his trip short, too. not having the enthusiasm to party on anyway without her. life sucks without her and he blew it. nobody to blame but him.

he hadnt told her about the engagement. he hadnt had the time and... well... he didnt want to tell her. what will he say? that his father wanted him to marry some daughter of his long time friend? and that though he didnt want to, he had no choice? and that he hadnt found a way out of it yet and that he is sorry that he made her wait so long for him and that he's sorry that he'll just leave her again?

no. he couldnt say that to her. he couldnt say goodbye. and he's not sorry that she waited for him. he smiled when he remembered the first time he saw her after three long years. life without her was a mess, and he couldnt stay away. so he had to go back. and he did. he didnt know how he did it but the next thing he knew, the first available opportunity he had, he was on the plane back to her. he didnt want to think about the engagement. he didnt want to think of anything else but the fact the he's coming back to her. he's really coming back.

he didnt know about the engagement when he first went away. but he still felt guilty of making her wait. but he forgot everything when his eyes locked on hers after three years. they were on their park, the place where she told him of her feelings. all he could think of is to kiss or hug her or never let her out of his sight again. he was going to make it work, move mountains if he had to. there is no other way he'll spend the rest of his life but with her.

he sighed. but even before he could, he blew it. he knew he had to tell her immediately. he knew his mother or jane would find him somehow. but they beat him to it. he flinched at the thought of his 'fiance.' he really didnt like her, he doubted if anyone like her if not for her money.

he gasped when his eyes left the window and fell on the door. the sight made his heart die. there she was, the woman he loves, looking lost.

"craig, i'm sorry..." she whispered before she fainted so suddenly that he barely caught her.

-------

'where am i?' mischa thought as she opened her eyes and saw herself lying on an unfamiliar bed and room. she tried to get up but the pain in her body wont let her. her eyes began to tear when everything started to come back. she hastily hid them when she heard the door open.

"good, you're awake." a familiar voice said from the shadows of the room. he took a step closer and the lights lit his face. craig. she felt a tug at her heart. this is the man she loves, the man she is supposed to give up. she knew she couldnt do that, she'd die. the pain she is feeling now is nothing compared to it.

"what happened?" he asked, sitting on the bed beside her, lightly stroking her cheek and touching her hair. she couldnt do it. a tear slip from her eyes and he wiped it away, making her look at him.

"i'm sorry." she said, looking at his eyes. she hurt him. she made him worry. she could see it in his eyes. she couldnt hurt him anymore. she couldnt leave him.

"who did this to you?" he asked, touch of anger in his voice. she smiled. she knew he'd do anything for her. then his voice become stiff and cold, "was it mother?"

she tried not to wince with his words, tried not to show him anything. he didnt need to know. all he had to know is that she was there, and that she'll rather die than see him unhappy, and she knew that leaving him would certainly do that. she didnt know what changed her mind, she didnt care whether he was engaged or not. all she knows is that she would never leave him again, ever.

she placed a hand on his cheek and he closed his eyes on her touch. he missed her so much! "can you stay with me for a while? i missed you so much." she pleaded him.

he knew she didnt want to talk, and with her state, he didnt push her. he nodded, then slid in the covers beside her. she cuddled closer to him and he wrapped his arms around her, not wanting to let go but careful not to hurt her. after a while he felt her sleep. 'what happened?' he thought, angry at himself at not being able to protect her.

-------

craig watched her sleep in his arms and his heart ached. sure, he was ecstatic to have her back in his life, but he never though it would be like this. she was a mess, literally! her body is covered with bruises and some dried blood was spotted at various parts of her body and clothes when he first saw her. he took her to the emergency room, thankful that they were nothing serious. he took her to his apartment and cleaned her up, careful not to wake her nor to hurt her even more. he just went out to cook something for her when she wakes up, and when he came back, this happened. and now he is lying beside her sleeping form.

somehow, he got an inkling of what had happened and thinking about him made him scowl. he knew his mother could stoop that low. he hugged her tightly. he would never let anything happen to her again. never. he'd risk his life to protect her. they would never touch her again. he'd never let her out of his sight again.

he breathed in her scent. God! even in that form she still looked beautiful. he closed his eyes and smiled. she was back, anhd with that thought, he drifted to sleep.

-------

"dont cry. the doctor said it was nothing serious. everything will work out." eli stood hugging ciara, trying his hardest to comfort the crying girl. they just heard from craig, and he told them what happened to mischa. ciara wanted to go there right away and see her bestfriend but craig told her to stay put. mischa needed her rest, and ciara also knew it. craig promised her that nothing will happen to mischa while he was there. they both knew that it was true. they trusted him and knew his love for their friend. they knew they would get through this problem, they were meant to be with each other. but they couldnt help but get worried, for after all, they're their friends. but they couldnt do anything, its not their battle and all they could do is support them.

it was them who saw mischa when she decided to leave their vacation. mischa had told them anything and ciara's initial response is get mad at craig for doing this to her bestfriend. but somehow, she knew he could never do such a thing. eli thought of the same thing. although they he and craig never really grew up together, he knew what was happening to him. he knew that his cousin never knew of that engagement when they first went to this country. but they decided to let mischa go. it was unhealthy for her to stay anyway. they knew her that well. mischa needed time to be with herself, to think. they knew she somehow regrets waiting for craig all those years and making her stay would make her show just that, which would then hurt craig and therefore, result into a bigger mess. she needed time to sort things out. they just wished they could have been with her. but they couldnt.

"who would do something like that to her?!" she cried into her shirt, thinking of the pain her bestfriend might have gone through.

eli sighed. he had a pretty good idea who it is but he decided not to voice his opinion. if he did, they might have to butt in, one thing they told themselves that they would not do. "i dont know. what i know is mischa is with craig now and he wouldnt let anything happen to her."

"i know." she looked up at him with question in her eyes. "but are we doing the right thing? i mean, someone got physically hurt now. maybe.... maybe they are not really meant to be with each other as we thought they were. i dont want them to hurt more than they are hurting now."

"dont say things like that." he told her. " they love each other very much and that is enough for me to say that they belong with each other. those three years, their love just got stronger, though they really havent seen or talked with each other that much. other couples would have just drifted apart." he sighed, as he felt pain tug his heart. 'like what almost happened to us, and we were always together.' he thought sadly.

she realized what he was thinking and she smiled sadly, holding his cheek. yes, they almost lost each other. she admired her bestfriend for being able to love like that, not even distance can make her lose hope. and here she was, with the man she loves, and she almost did. "you're right. we shouldnt worry about them so much." she said. "they love each other and they belong with each other. they'll get through everything that went on their way. just like you and i."

he kissed her at that, happy to hear those words from her, although he feels the same way. he dont want to spend the rest of his life with another other than her. she was his life.

they parted for air and looked at each others eyes. they saw love in them, reflecting their affections for each other. he hugged her and she burried her face on his chest, comfortable in each others arms.

"ciara, can i ask you a favor?" eli asked tentatively.

she looked up at him, smiling. "anything."

"can i spend the rest of my life with you?"

his words was greeted with silence as they caught her off guard. he could tell that she was shocked and he couldnt tell what she was thinking or feeling. the silence was uncomfortable and he was beginning to think that she'll say no. maybe she still isnt ready or that she dont want to marry him. he knew it was sudden and the timing is not right, but he knew that he meant what he said and that with just her there, everything is perfect. he loved her with all her heart and he'll want nothing else than for her to be his wife. he prayed to the gods asking them to grant his one wish because he knew it would be the end of him if she said no.

then suddenly, she smiled widely and his doubts vanished from his thoughts at what she said next.

"of course, you idiot. i thought you'll never ask."

the smiles never left their faces as they sealed their promises with a kiss.

-------

craig woke up with a start. he was blinded by the light coming through the window. by the position of the sun, he knew it was late. he never over sleeps, but with what's been happening the past few days, his weary body had overcame his rigid body schedule. he sighed, running his hand through his hair.

then with a start, he realized why he had woken up in the first place. he looked back to the bed and found the other side to be empty. he frowned, panic rising in his chest. mischa is gone!

he quickly stood up and looked around the room. her things are still there. where had she gone to? had she left him again? she cant have? she's still weak. and hadnt she told him she's sorry she left him? doesnt that mean she'll never leave him again?

he walked out of the room, intending to find mischa wherever she is when he heard her voice from the living room. he sighed, glad she hadnt left him. but he frowned again as he heard another voice. jane? he started to walk down the stairs when he froze at the sight he was seeing. mischa was standing casually in front of the raged jane. what struck him the most is how calmly mischa is taking the situation given what had happened to her and jane's intention, and jane's intention is all but discreet. she was standing in his living room with nothing more than her lingerie. looking at her like that, he realized how dull his life would be if he was indeed married to her. sure she was pretty, he was pretty sure that most men would like her to warm their bed. but he's not like most men. his eyes are for mischa only. if mischa presented herself to him like that, well... that's a whole lot a different story.

"you slut! what the hell do you think you're doing in a house of someone who's committed already? are you that low?! you dont belong here! we're going to get married and there's nothing you can do about it." jane was fuming, pointing her finger at the other girl.

"didnt your mother tell you that its rude to point?" mischa was saying casually, but looking straight into the other woman's eyes. he smiled despite himself at what he was witnessing and all the thought of interrupting them had fled his mind. 'that's my girl.' he though proudly as he realized she's going to fight for him.

"and who's the slut here? me or you? i'm not the one wearing stripper's outfits, its you." mischa continued, eyeing jane's outfit. "and besides, i dont have to do anything. there's nothing really i could do, craig will pretty much do anything to be with me. you see, he might be engaged to you, but he loves me."

mischa smile slyly at the reaction she got with her words. she knows she's pushing it, and she really didnt mind if jane attacked her. she would have welcomed it, having the excuse to do what she was thinking of doing when she first saw the girl.

"you have some nerve, dont you girl?" jane said, her voice forcibly calm. "it doesnt matter what you do, nor what craig will do, for that matter. his family wont allow it. YOU are nothing but an embarrasment to them. they will never accept you so might as well give up."

mischa felt a pang with those words but she hid it. she knew it was true but she's not giving up without a fight. she sneered at the girl. "a little too desperate, i see. cant fight your own battles so your letting other people do it for you. pathethic really."

"and you arent?" jane shot back, looking at her from head to foot, noting every bruise and cut that is still present in mischa's skin. "now that's a pity. arent that an indication who losing here? i'm sitting pretty, waiting, just waiting for craig to fall into my arms and you'll die fighting a losing battle."

"is that a threat?" mischa's usual kind voice contains now a deadly venom. jane, amused with her reaction, smiled, her eyes full of meaning.

"no. just a friendly advice." jane said smugly.

craig was about to put jane back in her place when all of a sudden mischa was pulling jane by the hair, with the strength neither she nor craig thought she have, dragging the fighting girl out the door. she knows she's fighting a losing battle, she knows she might even die in the process. she doesnt care. all she knows is that she'll never let craig fall into jane's clutches while she was alive. she doesnt care what his family thinks of her, all she cares about is what craig thinks and craig loves her and wants her at his side. mischa ignored the scratches she obtained in the process, just glad she is doing what she wanted to do. she pushed the girl out of the apartment, her things followed.

"you might be engaged to him, but i wouldnt let you threaten me at my own home." mischa said. she smiled haughtily when the other girl gaped at her. "oh, didnt you know? arent you wondering why i'm here in the first place? i live here now. my place, MINE, just like he is. and there's nothing you can do about it." then slammed the door at the slut's face.

for a while she just stood there, staring at the door. she cant believe what she had said and done. she sighed and leaned her forehead at the wood, closing her eyes. now that the slut has left, the adrenaline was draining from her, fast, and her aching body is starting to come back from its numbness.

she had woken up feelings really refreshed to find that she was not in her own room. it took a while for her to remember all the past events and to realized that she wasnt alone in the room. her eyes went wide when she found craig lying beside her on the bed, an arm placed protectively around her waist. she smiled, gently pushing some hair from his face. she felt safe and at ease. it also felt perfect. she regretted leaving him and regretted her regretting waiting for him. she loved him so much and she knows that even if he told her all about the engagement before he left, she still would have waited for him. especially if he told her he loves her.

she frowned a little when her thoughts strayed to what happened next. her stomach grumbled and decided to go down to eat before her empty stomach wakes craig. he looked so peaceful when he sleeps she didnt want to wake him. she carefully lifted his arm from her waist then gently placed a kiss on his lips before going out the room. then she found the slut sprawled in the living room couch, probably thinking that she was craig. then, what happened next was history.

suddenly, she felt warm arms envelope her and she turned to see and smiling craig looking down at her. she opened her mouth to greet him good morning when he suddenly swooped down for a long, passionate kiss.

"what was that for?" mischa asked dazedly into his lips, when they pulled out for air, though their faces is still centimeters apart. craig was looking so elated, she could help but smile back at him.

"for standing up for me." he murmured, giving her another quick kiss.

she pulled away, slightly, considering that craig was still holding her tightly and looked at him with a frown. "you saw us, didnt you? and you didnt help?!"

he smiled sheepishly. "you were handling it well by yourself. and it was flattering to hear you say those things."

she glared at him. "no it wasnt. she was threatening me."

he frowned at that. "i know. but nothing bad is going to happen to you while i'm here." he said seriously.

she smiled at that. "i know that." she kissed him this time. "that's why i'm not going to leave your side again."

"that means you really moving in with me." she laughed at this. he sounded like a little boy, with his present.

"of course not! why would i?" she exclaimed, mocking him. she laughed some more when he pouted at her words.

"but you said to jane this is your home!" he whined. "what if she came back? who will protect me?" he then gave her his puppy dog look.

she laughed again. "you can pretty well manage her well." he didnt say anything, just continued to gave her the look. she laughed. "all right, all right. just stop looking like that! you're embarrasing me!"

he exclaimed triumphantly as he twirled her around. she laughed at his childish antics. she knew she would never leave him. not until he, himself, says those words.

-------

sam blinked, waking up from her daze. she looked at the open door in front of her, not really knowing what she would do.

she is in the terminal, suitcases on hand, her ticket in the other. she's leaving this place, leaving him. she knew it was for the best, but her heart still ached at the thought of her leaving her love.

after that day in the park, she knew she had to leave him. it wasnt because she was afraid of what's going to happen to her, she's afraid of what might happen to him if she stayed. she felt guilty. she told herself after she knew benjamin's problem that she would make his sacrifice worthwhile, that's why she stayed. but that wasnt true. she was afraid of not having him by her side. so she ignored the pain of seeing him bloodied and hurt, ignored the pain and anxiousness of waiting whenever he disappears. she was selfish and she felt guilty about it.

but she couldnt stay selfish anymore. she had to let him go. it had gotten serious. he disappears more frequently and the attacks more brutal. then came his friend, genuinely concerned of what was happening, doing the one thing he knows to save his friend - make her stay away.

she doesnt blame him really. she knows she should have done it earlier. but her heart wont let her. but now, she had to go, hoping he would forgive her and that he would be happy again someday.

she was crying now, thinking of what she is leaving behind. she's not only leaving benjamin, she's also leaving her family and friends. ashley would kill her after she finds out. she smiled, though the tears continuously flowed. she wished ashley and zach the best, it would have been fun to watch their relationship grow.

she almost jumped when she heard the speakers go on, telling all the passengers to take seats since the train is leaving. but she still havent found the strength to move. the train is puffing smoke, and its whistling its final call. people were scurrying around her, shouting and waving their final goodbyes. but she still stood there, not knowing if she had the strength to do what she had to do. the doors started to close, but she didnt stop them. her tears, making her vision blurry, and her heart causing her mind to stop thinking.

she sat back at the bench, watching the train slowly gather pace, taking off. she sighed. she had to catch the next train. she had to build the courage to step into that transport. she looked at the door going outside the station, half wishing to see benjamin standing there. she sighed when she saw it empty. she's all alone.

there is no going back now. she had to move forward. its for the best. she tried to smile despite the tears, ignoring the hollow feeling of her heart.



CHAPTER SIX: THE UNWANTED RETURN

"what?! you're engaged?!" mischa exclaimed, making some of the customers look their way. ciara just laughed. "when? how? was it romantic?" the last question made her eyes glow, thinking of what must have happened. ciara laughed again.

"actually, he proposed after craig called us to tell us what happened to you." ciara replied, taking a sip of her coffee. mischa called her that earlier saying that she wanted to see her and that she's all well and that she misses her and she wanted to talk. ciara was surprised craig let her, but she wasnt complaining. she missed her best friend, too. so here they are, at a coffee house, when she told her best friend the good news.

mischa frowned. "that wasnt very romantic." she said thoughtfully. she glared at her bestfriend. "that wasnt so nice either. these bruises hurt you know, and you took advantage of it!" she added, showing her best friend her scars.

ciara laughed again. she knew she'll say that. "i know, sorry. but eli asked me so suddenly its rude to delay answering. he might have the wrong idea." she explained.

"you have a point." mischa said, thoughtfully. then her smile got back into her face. "at least something good happened through it. congratulations! i'm so happy for you!"

now its ciara's turn to frown. "mischa, what really happened back then?" she asked, worriedly.

mischa sighed, looking the drink she is stirring. she knew she had to talk about it someday, but she really doesnt know what to say. she doesnt even understand all of it yet. she was grateful because craig hadnt push her to talk yet. maybe its best if she talk about it with someone else first rather than with him.

she was about to answer when her phone rang. she smiled apologetically at her bestfriend then answered it. "hello?"

"mischa! sam is missing. i dont know where she is. her family doesnt know where is is either. havent found where the heck is benjamin but i doubt she's with him. you see, i just read her email to me a minute ago, and it really freaked me out. she's running away mischa.. i dunno why but she is. and im scared -"

"calm down ashley." mischa said, trying to calm the other woman who doesnt seem to breathe in her anxiousness. she was getting anxious, too, but she knew better than to panic. "tell me what happened."

the woman on the other line breathed, calming herself, but the panick is still evident on her voice as she spoke. "its sam. she hadnt come home yet since yesterday. she doesnt disappear like that. she usually tells me or christopher. and her phone is dead and that was unusual, too. and i just received an email from her saying she needed some time alone. i'm really scared, i dont know what happened to her. she never runs away, never. can you please help us?"

"sure. where are you? we'll meet up." mischa said, reasuringly.

"at her house. thanks so much. and hurry please."

"we will." then, she hung up the phone. she sighed as she looked at her bestfriend and smiled, sadly. "we'll finish this later." she said, standing up. "sam apparently ran away."

-------

...ten minutes until the next train arrives...

sam almost jumped at the sudden announcement. she cant believe that time flies by so fast. there is at least six hours in between the two trains and here she is, ten minutes before boarding. the problem is, she doesnt know if she has made the right decision yet.

'no!' she thought, shaking her head, making herself believe the fact. she had to stop being selfish. she had to go. but loneliness is already taking its toll on her and she realized just how much she is giving up. 'practically my whole life.' she thought sadly, and she was partly grateful that the train is arriving and that she wont have the time to change her mind.

she was just so lost in her thoughts that she had not noticed the men that was surrounding her. she hadnt noticed that although a train is arriving, she is practically the only person there. in a normal situation, she might already be panicking, but now, at her semi-conscious state, all she could do is stare at the platform, unseeingly.

"what is a beautiful lady like you doing here all alone?" the man beside her sneered, making her wake up from her trance and notice how very close the man is sitting next to her. she tried to move, but another man had sat on her other side. panic swept her, as she clutched at her bag, praying that it is only a cruel joke. she tried to stand up and move away from the men, but another grabbed her from behind to keep her at the place. she then only noticed the emptiness of the place. even the security is missing. she tried to fight back tears as she realized that help would not come even if she scream.

"what do you want from me?" she tried to say but her fear made her voice tremble. she shivered as this made her attackers' smile more sinister.

"just some fun." the man at the other side of her said, touching her hair. she pushed his hand away and it made them laugh.

"let me go!" she was fighting them now, as three sets of hands are touching her and was starting to molest her. she tried to fight, but they were stronger than her, and she felt herself fall to the ground. she tried to keep back the tears coz she knew that's what they want. but her fear was overcoming her and she didnt know what else to do. she screamed for help, and again, the men laughed.

"scream all you want. nobody can hear you." the man closest to her whispered. someone was kissing her and someone had tore her shirt. she felt helpless and alone. tears are now freely fallin from her eyes. why did everything has to happen to her. first, she has to leave her love, her family and friends, and now this? she fought them kicking and scratching to no avail, as she realized that they are much stronger than her. she was wearing out, she knew she could not continue on like this, but she could not just let them get her like this. she might have no one, but she will have her dignity. with the once of strength left within her, she got her phone from her bag and dialled 911, all the while screaming for help, hoping that the other line will realize what was happening before its too late.

"fuck! she dialed 911!" she suddenly heard as she struggled to keep her consciousness. she felt one of them leave her and another punched her at the stomach leaving her almost blacked-out. then she felt a kick on her body. "bitch!"

"she had seen our face! we cant leave her like this!" she heard another voice said, as she closed her eyes to the pain. 'let this be over.' she thought over and over in her head. darkness is slowly enveloping her that she thought she had heard benjamin call her name. she smiled, turning to the sound of the distant voice. her smile was cut as she screamed in pain as she felt something cut through her body and felt something warm oozing at her side. she wanted to see, but she was too tired to open her eyes. she could not hold on. the help had gone too late. she smiled, fainlty. at last, at this end, she could imagine the feel benjamin's arms around her and hear his voice calling out her name. maybe, she could just pretend, she's not alone, just for her death. then everything went black.

-------

sam opened her eyes, and saw darkness. she winced as pain slipped through her body almost numbing her. 'is this hell?' she thought, sadly. 'at least my death almost felt like heaven.' she closed her eyes again, but then she started, opening them wide, the only thing that was keeping her from sitting up was the pain. 'i dont think hell has that beeping sound that hospital thingies make.' she stared hard at the darkness, trying to see her surroundings. she was in a room, the only light was coming from a small window on the door. it was simple, no furniture. it cannot be her room. she looked at herself to realize that she was hooked to an IV and that computer that monitors her heartbeat. she frowned. she doesnt know if being in a hospital was better than hell. tears started to choke her. it was in a hospital that she and benjamin first met...

she was startled when she felt someone stir beside her. she thought she was alone. she squinted hard to see who it was. the person was holding her hand, though she could not feel it. the anesthesia had taken effect again. she felt cold, and felt even colder when she realized who the person is. the hair, the familiar face and scent. benjamin...

she tried to fight back tears, to no avail. she tried to touch his hair and face, but she couldnt. either because it was still physically impossible for her to do so or from the shame of what she did and failed to do. she was happy that he was still asleep, though she would give anything to see his eyes and smile. she couldnt face him right now. after what had happened.

she closed her eyes. she felt so tired. she hardly remembered what happened after she dialed the phone, she couldnt understand why she is in so much pain. she didnt want to cry for fear of waking him. she was glad of the painkillers for it was drifting her off to sleep again. and she would rather sleep forever than look at his eyes full of hurt, sadness and betrayal.

-------

"...the wound was not that severe, but the doctor said if it had gone few centimeters deeper, it might have struck an internal organ. but she's fine now. nothing to worry about."

"what happened? why was she there in the first place?"

"i really dont know. and benjamin's not talking either. but i dont think they fought. they dont fight. but why would she try to run away?"

there was a long pause. sam kept her eyes closed and pretended to be still sleeping. she had been awaken by concerned voices that she knew was her friends and christopher. she doesnt want to see them yet. she had to answer questions if she did. answers that she really hadnt got in terms with. 'they must have read my letter.' she thought, trying to keep her face emotionless. she wanted to open her eyes, even for a glimpse of them, of benjamin. but she wouldnt dare. it would be harder to see their hurt eyes right now, right now that the last thing she wants is to cry.

she almost breathed a sigh of relief when she heard ashley invites them to eat. somehow she knew that her bestfriend knows she's awake and not yet ready to talk. she was eternally grateful for it and felt a little more guilty of leaving her behind.

she heard the door close and then a voice, "you can open your eyes now. they've left." her eyes flew open and it fell on mischa's sad ones. she smiled, weakly, and the girl smiled back.

"you feeling better?" mischa asked, seating beside her on the bed and holding her hand. sam squeezed it acomfortingly and weakly smiled again.

"no, feels like hell." she replied and mischa laughed. she dont know if its the girls warm hand on her or her mere presence makes her want to cry out. seeing her laugh and comfort her, all the loneliness she felt as she stood on front of the train vanished. she felt guilty. she knew she had to go, but was too scared to do so. and though as hard as she try to fight the urge of crying, a tear escaped from eyes.

mischa saw her tears and she stopped laughing. she quickly embraced her friend, comforting her as a new wave of tears left her. sam just cried, realising everything she felt inside. she cried until her insides hurt and she doesnt have the strength to cry anymore. still, mischa hugged her, calming her friend the best way she could.

"want to talk about it?" mischa asked softly and that was all she needed to pour her heart out to her other best friend.

it was ironic that they are almost as close now as she and ashley is, thinking that it hadnt always been like this. they werent always that close and they even got into each other's nerves before they understood each other. they met each other through craig. craig used to live near sam's house and she used to be obsessed with him, although he hardly notices her. craig was popular when he arrived at their place, even to people outside their school. but he hardly talk, almost always keeps to himself when he's not with eli or teasing mischa. sam used to hate mischa for having craig's attention, and mischa hated everyone who hates her. they had their little catfights when they crossed each other's paths and almost always comes physical with each other.

then she met benjamin, and somehow, her feelings for craig faded away. she knew craig was a puppy love, but benjamin was the real thing. she started seeing mischa in a new light, and seen how craig would simply glow in her presence, though mischa was fumed. sam knew right then that even if she continued to love craig, she would never have him for his heart already belongs to someone.

mischa noticed her change in attitude and they became at least civil with each other. then, a fateful day happened, and they were stuck on an elevator together, alone. there, they started liking each other and now here they are, happy and new best friends.

when she finished baring her soul, mischa just stayed there hugging her. she was grateful for that, mischa hadnt judged her, told hor how stupid she is. she just stayed there, making her feel that she supports her no matter what.

"why didnt you tell me all of this?" a broken voice suddenly asked, and her eyes flew to the door in shock. he was there, benjamin, the last person she wanted to see. she didnt hear the door open, she didnt know how much he had heard. and she felt her heart constrict painfully as he looked into his eyes and saw the hurt in them. he walked closer to her, until he was towering her, right beside her bed. she hadnt felt mischa pull away from her and quietly left the room. all she was aware of is that benjamin is now holding her, strong yet gentle. all she was aware of is his wet cheeks on her own as he pulled himself closer to her and her tears mingled with his own. she felt guilty because she hadnt seen him like this before, fragile and hurt, and it was her who caused it. even through all the beating, he never cried and stayed strong. everything else froze and all she could hear was his breaking voice saying, "i told you, living without you is fate worst than death. please dont ever leave me again."

-------

mischa was sitting on a branch of a cherry blossom tree at a small park near the hospital, thinking deeply. she had not met the others after her talk with sam. she was confused and hurt that she had to think first before seeing them again. something sam said had struck her, and somehow, she could relate to it.

"...i feel like i'm not worth him. i knew he was hurting, physically and emotionally. they had been his family, and i was turning him away from them. because of me, he had almost died many times. but i didnt do anything about it. i should have left earlier, but i was so selfish. i couldnt lose him. i love him so much! i was so selfish that i'd rather keep him than let him go, making myself believe that it was for his happiness when it really was for my own..."

was she, mischa, selfish then? she had turned craig against his family. she's letting him risk his career just for her. and she's also risking his life. she knew it, after what had happened to her. was she selfish when she came back to him?

"...he would always disappear, days even weeks and he'll come back, bruised and broken. and all i did was heal him, not really realizing that some hurts just wont heal. the family he had grown up with now hates him from breaking the rules, and he had to leave everything behind for me. the thing is, i never really cant bear seeing him hurt. its just that i'm too scared to turn away..."

was she ready to face everything sam went through? she idolized sam for sticking with benjamin for so long, but could she do the same? can she stand up for craig? fight for him? see him hurt?

"dont you love him at all? dont worry, one day, everything will be clear to you and you'll be gone. remember all these pain. remember all these pain as you watch him suffer ten times worse you did. watch him suffer looking at you, begging you not to go with his eyes, as you looked back at him being tortured."

she was freely crying now as a cruel voice suddenly entered her mind. no! craig needs her. he told her never to leave him again. he told her he loves her and she loves him, too. but is love really enough? should she give up?