There's More to Death than Dying

There's More to Death than Dying
(Especially dedicated to Doug)

I have been in hospice care for a year now. I'm still perking along if a bit slower. I have and have had many thoughts and feelings about hospice and death in general. My original conclusion is that hospice is good for family, not so good for the patient, and I haven't really changed my mind. However, I have had some very positive experiences with some of the employees of the hospice that serves me.

To some of the employees, it is obviously just a job. They visit, they record, they leave and there is little or no interaction really between us. Some pretend to listen but don't really. Some don't even pretend. It's OK. I'm not into pretense anyway. But there are exceptions. It is to these 'exceptions' that I direct this little piece.

Who would have thought that one would make new friends while dying? I really didn't think I had any more room in my very old, tired heart, but apparently I do. I find I can still laugh, enjoy a good joke, be interested in the life of others, worry about them, like to see their children and all the other little things that make life pretty good. Maybe that's the best gift of all at the end, being helped to remain engaged with the living. It is very tempting to withdraw and just get on with the process of dying although I think you'd have to be dying yourself to understand that temptation. I still enjoy being around people. If nothing else, it gets my mind off the endless, it seems, litany of aches and pains we must endure at the end. A couple of them mistakenly think I "need" them, that I am afraid of dying or of being alone. That is untrue. I have spent most of my life alone and enjoy it that way most of the time. The person has to be extraordinary to come between me and a good book or a good strategy game. In some ways, saying hello to "new" people has helped me say "goodbye" to the "old'"people in my life. I have also found that while I can't do a lot of things I used to do, I have more time to do some of the things I loved.

As I've always known, life is a crap shoot anyway. Or as the old cliche` goes, you play the hand you're dealt. If it wasn't for Jesus, I probably wouldn't have hung around this long.

To sum it up, I have hated knowing every minute of every day for twelve months that my days are numbered. In hospice, one can never quite get away from that fact. On the other hand, my life has been enriched by some of the wonderful people there. I fully expect to die alone, meaning no other person being there. Despite what many people think, hospice people aren't there around the clock. If you have family that does that, it could be a plus (or maybe not, depending on the family) . I will be filled with good memories, though, and good experiences and dear, old friends and some delightful new ones. Dying or hospice are not for the faint of heart, but it makes for a much more interesting passage.

Iva M. Durham
August 27, 2006
Updated April 6, 2007
Davenport, Iowa

Updated December, 2012
Addendum:
I surived hospice! I now live alone in an apartment. I go to dialysis treatments three times a week. I write, cook, crochet, have friends and family to visit. I didn't think I would live beyond 2007. Thank you Lord and Drs. Alsheika and Motto.