Critique please...i know it has loaads of mistakes ;) |
I had never seen her so depressed and defeated. When I approached her, tears overwhelmed her. She had come running from the backyard; crying, and said to me “Of all the people I didn’t expect Bano would do this to me.” As I consoled her and asked her what the matter was she poured her heart out to me. On Monday morning Bano was unusually chirpy in the class. She told me she had felt uneasy about this sudden change and had decided to talk it over with Bano in the recess. In our physics class, Bano didn’t know the answers but she still kept on smiling to herself. “Hey!” I called out to her, but she didn’t stop. “Bano wait” I called out again, a little louder this time. She turned around to see who was calling her name. When she saw me coming towards her she told her companion to go away. “Hi! Why were you calling me from the top of your voice?” Taken aback I said, “But I just wanted to talk to you.” “Well you better hurry up my classmate is waiting for Me.” she said. “I was wondering what’s up with you, you’re behaving strange lately.” I said looking at her skeptically. Bano’s expressions changed subtly and then back again. “I have no idea what you are talking about.” With this she walked away. She didn’t see much of Bano in school for two days after the aforementioned encounter. She tried to put it out of her mind though she was still curios. However, on the third day (Thursday) she got an end to her curiosity with the shock of her life. Last Sunday Bano her elder sister, was trying to study but couldn’t concentrate. She got up and raised the curtain to look outside, on finding nothing in site she came back and sat down. “That sound definitely came from right outside my window!” Bano said to herself furiously. She went back to her physics equations only to be disturbed by that low growling sound again. She got up, this time determined to get rid of it. As she opened the window and popped her head out, she heard a shriek and felt her arm being scratched. Startled by this sudden attack she fell down the low-rise, wide open window. She pulled herself up quickly on seeing the source that sound and chased it out on the road despite the throbbing pain in her arm and ankle. A car screeched loudly and a “MeeooOOW” not sure which sound came first Bano stood there doing nothing, she just looked on for ten whole minutes and then turned away with a terrible smirk on her face. (451 words) |