Now

She parked just at the edge of the pool; stillness was all there was when she opened the car door. A gust of thick, musky, warm air covered her when she walked toward the glass doors where light from the room made long shadows in the courtyard; she took her sandals off and entered the room. He was there, smiling while he walked toward her, he kissed her on both cheeks, and in that moment she recognized the man she loved; in this second she caught a glimpse of softness and passion in his eyes, the weakness and the dreams, she saw the small boy there was lost and just needed to be loved. Aida just wanted to frame this moment, freeze it, so when he was gone she remember it not only in her heart…

She missed him, even when he was in the room…. she thought of him countless times during a day, but from the beginning she knew it wasn’t returned. The rules were very clear and therefore Aida did her best to store her precious time with him in a special place veiled deep inside her heart.

Today was a rare occasion, he was very emotional and present, the usually barrier was down or at least there was small crack’s in it! He was stretched out on his back, nude, relaxed and chatting away about his day, wondering why today was so different from all the other days she watched him … her hand running through his beard, she pressed her mouth against his skin trying to store the feeling on her lips, so when he was gone she could recall it.

It was hers, no one else knew, and that was how her life was; no one to share any experiences with, no one to laugh or cry with - lonesome and desolated from the rest of the world, she often wondered if she actually was a part of the human spices. Surprised by the fact that everyone liked her and that she always had friends wherever she went, Aida didn’t understand who they saw when they looked at her; her reflection in the mirror was blurry and often not even there.
Every day was a struggle, not as in her past but it still seems nothing had changed in the last 15 years, only the scenery was differently.

Guilt, despair, regret even the feeling of grieve was a part of her daily emotions. Sometimes she wondered if not the word mourning would be the most correct description of her inner life.