the children

n a little over two hours Josh turns ten. I cannot believe a decade has passed since I went to sleep over-full on cassoulet, and woke a short time later not with indigestion but in full fledged labor. They say you forget labor but oddly enough I remember that night in a crystalline perfection.
Josh asked for some last "nine" time with me this evening so I obliged with a dinner out. We shared sushi, and then went for Starbucks. It was yesterday that I carried a little bean of Josh in a baby sling into Starbucks for some fuel to keep my sanity. Yet today my son ordered for us both after polishing off a whale's worth of sushi. As much as I long for that sweet baby, that slower then real time beautiful drowsiness of nursing and napping, I am enjoying this boy time. Boy time is different it means dissecting owl pellets and identifying the rodent remains. Boy time has sound effects and stories are often embellished with bodily noises. Boy time is louder, more boisterous, more humorous. I wanted tea parties and instead I have written menus served to me by a very handsome waiter in motorcycle pj's. I thought doll houses would be wonderful dainty ways to spend my time but N scale trains make doll houses look gargantuan. My son spends hours making people the size of my pinky nail stand correctly-yet he can not put folded laundry into a two foot drawer. These are the wonders of boy time!

A few weeks ago I was ill,"sleep in a different bed due to your foul plague" ill, Josh was quarantined with his dad so I chose his bed as my lair. I was struck by the wonderful smell on his pillow, lavender, sunshine, grass and Josh. It comforted me through the many hours I lay too sick to move. I was thinking of that tonight as we snuggled and he asked for the story of the night he was born. I thought of that first sniff of my son-that amazing animal connection when you are so hungry for your child's skin and so wanting to know them in the most primitive way.
And now Josh is ten, so fast it makes me dizzy. His growth and hard work astound me. Josh shows such love to his little brother, and when I watch him with Sophia I see a tenderness that makes me smile. Granted there are still those days, when the house reverberates with yells and slammed doors. I now meditate to the noises of Harry Potter's latest adventures wafting through the heat ducts. The little boy who thought I was perfect has grown into a young man who sees my foibles and yet still loves me utterly.My advice to parents of littles is that it goes too fast, love each moment for too soon today's hardships become yearned for memories.
Josh is an incredible gift, and I plan on savoring each moment. I still watch for that tender baby. Sometimes I steal in while he is sleeping and see curled there not a gangling boy but a nestling. The baby lurks so close to the surface, rolling forth like foam on the water as he falls and really hurts himself. His eyes showing himself as my own little one, then in a flash the boy strides forward. Often my hugs are half heartedly returned and suddenly I have been endowed with the ability to embarrass him. How very Harry Potter!
I enjoyed nine, but ten is something else. Ten as a homeschooler opens the door to new museum adventures, classes and workshops. Ten means we match since we are now both double digits. Ten to Josh means new possibilities, and to me it means he is beginning to glimpse his true potential.
Josh, please know that ten will be as wonderful as you allow, and that your dad and I will support you and love you and nurture you. Know that I hear when you read stories to your brother in his room. I also see when you take care of breakfast for you both and allow me some extra sleep. My eyes do not miss the kindness of full food bowls for the pets,laundry put away and homework completed all without my asking. Your integrity and strength of character make you a good friend, great brother and wonderful son.
My thanks to all who have helped Josh grow this year.


On Thursday a three year old arrived at my house. He is very different from the two year old I previously housed. Three year olds can pedal their shiny red tricycles all around the playground at breakneck speed. They think more seriously then ever about using the potty.
They sleep all night in their big boy beds in order to view Thomas the Tank Engine episodes.
At three insect searches can require hours of intense activity,comparable to the search for the Holy Grail. They can now ask soo sweetly for you to "pweese yay down mama' wheen they want you to nap with them. They also learn the lovely phrase NOW and use it accurately and often.
At three you dress yourself and yell when assisted.Fashion choices of threes may include any combination of the following:
shoes or boots-preferably large heavy winter boots despite the sunshine
other family members' shoes, boots or winter hats(once again disregarding the actual weather is key for the sweaty casual look)
an engineer's hat
a fire helmet
a stuffed monkey hat
a stethoscope
a purse
mardi gras beads
pjs or day clothes in whatever combo works for you

Mind you these should be worn in a layered style-your clothes are your attitude-work them!

Three year olds suddenly want ketchup,they look for the pureed veggies in the pizza sauce, they accept no substitutes, and feel a peanut butter sandwich is just exactly what a body needs five minutes before bed.

Three year olds can love a beetle to bits,find worms quicker than a robin and watch tadpoles for days. Tadpoles however do not enjoy the close companionship favored by threes and may object by passively expiring when loved too much.

Threes can open baby gates and sneak into the room of the outraged nines. Threes can also climb to the top bunk and attempt to hide among the pillows as a form of camoflauged defense.

Little voices like to yell,"Help me I am twapped" only after wedging themselves very intentionally, once rescued they immediately return to their self prescribed peril.


Threes love fiercely, the hugs are hard and often sandy. The kisses are really dramatic,and totally addictive. Threes tell you how they feel and what they want.
Threes love it when you put toy animals on their train tracks and make them yell as the train barrels down on them. Threes can spend a long time building layouts.
Threes can spend a long time drawing on the wall.
Threes are really amazing.

I can't wait!