I Forgive... Finally

I FORGIVE…FINALLY

By StarLady

March 17, 2005

Last night I cried, till there were no more tears to shed
Last night I thought my life’s journey was coming to an end
Last night I asked God to show me the way --
         to hold me close, and to never let me stray
Last night God answered and said in His special way
Forgiveness my child, forgiveness is the only way
Last night I heard and received HIS word
And last night I sat down to write YOU these words...

Daddy,

I forgive you for not being the father my child-like mind once perceived.
I forgive you the hurt, anger and pain you instilled in me.
I forgive you for not being the person I thought you could be.
I forgive you for not being the man my heart hoped you to be.
I forgive you for the beatings my body endured, you say they were few, but for me it was much more.
I forgive you for not knowing the “TRUE” “INNER” me, for the façade that you see; that’s not really me!
I forgive you for not being able to “REALLY” be there for me, you did what you could, but how did it benefit me?
I forgive you for not supporting my dreams in the way that I needed. Again, you did what you could but not like I NEEDED.
I forgive you for not supporting the family when Paul passed away. Your first born and only son asked for one thing… the love of his father in an unconditional way.
I forgive you for not loving me as I did you – unconditional and true, hell, I even fought for you!!!
I forgive you for the day you uttered the words “when you all were children you got on my nerves”. What a horrible thing for a child to hear that their father couldn’t stand them – or got on his nerves.
I am a Gift from heaven made especially for you, but this precious gift God gave you, you chose to beat it and to batter it and hurt it through and through. You did not treasure this gift God bestowed on you.
But I forgive you for that as well as the hurt, lies and deceit.
I forgive you these things and so very much more, for forgiveness has given me the strength to close this heavy burdensome door.
I forgive you, in advance, for what you will not see, the beautiful person that NOW lives inside of me.
I forgive you now for what you will miss, the joy of being able to share in what I will no longer miss – peace within, joyous days, an aspiring author that I will be some day… and whatever else God will send my way.
There is so much more that I want to say, but your retaliation and anger I know lingers near, I’ll just forgive you in my heart for no fear lingers there.
It saddens me deeply that you cannot see what a wonderful person I’ve turned out to be.
Though your mouth may say that you can see it, in my heart of hearts, I know you don’t mean it.
What a pitiful thing to have to say, but I wish you were different, a little nicer to people, maybe smile once a day. I know that it’s in you, I’ve seen it before, but something has happened to make you very bitter, cold and cruel.
I pray that one day you will understand these words, but if you don’t I’ll forgive you before my journey’s end!
For now all I can do is forgive you for not being what I wanted you to be. I forgive you Daddy, and now… I SET YOU FREE!!!!!!