A light on a bridge

A light on the bridge


A solitary truck sprayed a shower of road and puddle mud over Ray Tallis as he approached the woman clutching the railings of the Forth road bridge. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her straight brown hair blew messy in the chill November wind. What were the chances, of all the nights and all the places he could have picked it had to be now, and here. He flicked his cigarette and watched it spin into the abyss.

“Jumping is becoming popular. You know the country has a suicide problem when you have to stand in line.” he said.

The woman looked at him. “Go away, don’t bother trying to stop me.”

“Don’t intend to, none of my business, I’m here for the same reason; maybe we should go together.”

He climbed over the railing, and an icy gust almost made him lose his balance. He looked down. The hundred foot chasm made the water look like black cement, being slowly chopped and churned by some fresh water leviathan in its depths. He hugged a pole with his elbow and leaned closer to the woman.

“I’ll make you a deal, if you jump first, I’ll follow. If you don’t, then we can go at the same time. But don’t crap out, because that might make me lose my nerve and I’ve been building up to this for months. Christ it’s a long way down.”

“Aye, it is a long way.” She said, hypnotised by the whirling murk below.

“Not as long as waiting for it to happen though. I swear the suicide rate would explode if we had better access to guns in Scotland. All this jumping and hanging carry on, takes some nerve don’t you think?”

“A gun would be easier. This is my third time here, I’m not going back again, but it is difficult.” She looked skyward in a prayer to be left alone until she could jump. Instead God had given her this last hurdle to overcome in the shape of a cheerful depressive.

“Tell me about it, I’m shit scared of heights, but with the wrists there’s too much pain and blood for my liking. Overdosing is worse still - higher chance of survival, then you’re thrown into a psyche ward, where they end up convincing you there’s something actually worth living for. It could take months before you can work yourself up to it again, and if you don’t then your body’s fucked for life.”

“So why are you up here? You don’t seem depressed.” she asked, and immediately regretted it.

“I’m not.”

“So why do you want to jump?” she had done it again. Talking would only make it harder, her instinct for survival - for the continuation of life bubbling to the surface.
“I have my reasons, not that they matter. Nah, I just don’t see the point in living.

What about you?” He looked back towards the road and heard a passing car. There were few at this time of night, and they were both well hidden by the girders and darkness.

“I have mine too. Though I’m not going to try and justify myself. It’s a choice at the end of the day. People say it’s a coward’s way out. They never stop to think how worthless their opinions are.”

“Aye, real deep thinkers.” Ray laughed. “I’m sure that’s what we’re both thinking right now. Oh what’ll so and so think of me. They’ll think I’m being weak, it’s a chicken shit thing to do. Maybe we should stick around and learn from their wisdom.”

She smiled at him.

Ray smiled back. “If there is something on the other side of this bridge, I’ll look you up.”

“Me too. Oh you shouldn’t have come, all this is just making it harder.”

“Don’t be silly, sex is the farthest thing from my mind right now.”

“Seriously, stop it; we’re both going to bottle it if we keep talking.”

“You’re right. We better do this, go at the same time. On three?”

They held hands and both looked at the moon peeking between the clouds and night sky. The gibbous moon; not full, not half nor the beautiful crescent, it was a gibbous moon, in between states, the uncertain moon ignored or unnoticed by the world she gazed eternally upon.

They stayed that way for five minutes. Ray broke the silence. “Look, we’re not going to go at this rate, and I’m freezing. What about we go back over, say what we need to say, then we’ll just go together, no talking, no going back; deal?”

“I have to do this tonight, I can’t go back.” Her eyes fixed upon him, seemingly immovable as her spoken resolve.

“Neither can I. Look if you want to go then go, but I’m going over. This is like when I was a kid - jumping the waterfall, the longer you look and think the harder it gets - and that was doing it for fun. You’ve got to just run and jump without thinking about it, or in our case let go, but you can’t do that when you get too used to one spot. The body doesn’t want to die even if you do. You can’t allow yourself to imagine the fall, that’s what looking does; the fear blinds you to what you know you have to do.”

He climbed over the railing and sheltered behind the iron Girder. “Well?”

“You better be right, say what you have to say.” She climbed over beside him and blew into her hands. A car was coming towards them.

“Quick, here’s a cigarette, we don’t want to draw too much attention to ourselves.”

She placed it in her mouth and shielded it from the wind. Ray sparked the lighter, the flame glowing yellow orange and warm in their hands.

The car slowed down and a familiar face screamed out the window to Ray. “That you humpin yer burd Ray ya specky bastard” Tam McGregor screamed from the car.

Something between instinct and anger took hold of Ray Tallis and he hurled the lighter at the car and heard it crack and explode inside the windscreen. The driver swerved and braked; then reversed fast back.

“Stay there, I’ll be back ok.” He said to the woman, and briefly wondered what her name was before the driver burst out of the souped up Vauxhall Corsa.

“What the fuck d’ye think yer flingin at ma car ya geeky cunt.” the driver (Ray now recognised as Eddy (Torry) Torridon, an arsehole of truly epic proportions) yelled over the din of hip hop music. He drew close to Ray and hurled a punch at him.
With nothing to lose Ray ducked and slammed a hard punch to his stomach and stood upright. By then McGregor was there and started hitting Ray over the head. Ray fought him off and heard the woman scream for McGregor to let go. Then Torry punched her, “You shut it ya fuckin wee boot”

Ray snapped. He kicked Torry in the balls as hard as he could then did the same to McGregor. He then lifted McGregor over the railing and flung him over it with a grunt. He did the same with the Torry, who kicked and punched him in the kidneys while screaming for mercy. He threw him over the railing, but Torry had managed to grab hold of the ledge. Without even thinking Ray leaped over and stamped on his hand, crushing his knuckles and watched him fall twisting and turning all the way down, landing with a sound more akin to a thud than a splash.

Ray jumped back onto the road. “Are you ok?”

“Aye, aye.” The woman answered.

“Look we don’t have much time here. Dicks like that are the reasons I was going over, but I’m not going now, not tonight, not with them. Look there could be a car here any minute. Come with me.”

“I can’t, I can’t go back.”

“Look we have to get out of here before someone gets wise, either off the bridge or in their car. Come with me, I can bring you back.”

“I guess I shouldn’t complain if you kill me anyway can I.” She half smiled.
Ray smiled back and the jumped into the car, engine running, music blaring he accelerated, and she turned down the volume.

“That’s the right attitude.” Said Ray, and they drove into the future, as short or long, dark or bright as they would make it.