Kill you for freedom

She was beautiful, one of the most beautiful women you’ve ever seen. The way she rode her horse, the way she suddenly looked back.. She was wonderful, just wonderful. Her hair looked like golden flames, and her eyes seemed to represent the ocean.

I hope that you will suffocate, in what we never had, I hope that you will see me now, and die a painful death.

It wasn’t only my unanswered love that made me decide to do it. It was my hate as well. Not my hate for her, I didn’t hate her at all, but my hate for her father. His people were suffering, and he didn’t seem to care the slightest bit.. The worst ruler these lands had ever had. But now I was going to take his daughter from him, the wonderful woman I loved.

And once upon a time, I was in love with the night, before my dreams where dying, when I thought it was alright.

So now we were here, both of us. Me with a big shiny knife in my hands, she laying on a table, tied down and unconscious. Abducting her was easier than I thought. They probably wouldn’t even find us until our bodies would start smelling too bad.. She would soon wake up, but I enjoyed looking at this sleeping beauty, and silently hoped it’d take ages before she’d wake. I lowered my knife, and gently stroked her hair.

Someday I’ll open your eyes, and finally you’ll smile, only for me just to stop, the rain for a while.

She opened her eyes, and the first thing she saw, was me standing next to her, with a huge knife grinning looking down at her. She tried to get away, but then noticed her hands and feet were tied up. Anxiously she looked at me, and asked what was going on. I gently replied that I was going to kill her. The fear in her eyes might have made me feel sorry for her, if I had been able to feel anything at all. Though I did feel, I felt filled with love when I looked at her..

The rain will never stop again, the sound of thunder makes me shy, and I’ll never love again, with us our love will die.

Instead of starting to cry, or to shake, she asked me why I did this, and that way she slightly confused me. It was so weird that love and pain could feel exactly the same. I mumbled that it was because I loved her, and she didn’t love me, and that it was for the freedom too, the freedom of my friends and family. I knew that taking her away wouldn’t change much though. ‘It’s not fair..’ she said softly. I shook my head. I knew it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t her fault she was the daughter of a cruel man.. I sadly smiled and gently pressed my knife against her throat. Her fear seemed to have gone, and somehow she looked relieved. ‘Do it then..’ she said. ‘Do it, but don’t blame me for not loving you. It’s not my fault. I never had anyone who loved me, how could you ever expect me to love someone then?’ She looked at me, no longer scared, just bitter and cold. I shook my head. She was trying to fool me. ‘You are the daughter of the most powerful man I know. Loads of people love you. I love you. You’re just trying to fool me, to make me feel sorry for you.’ With the knife, I softly stroked her throat’s skin. So softly that it didn’t leave any marks. But she shook her head. ‘I don’t. Go for it, kill me, I don’t mind. I didn’t know you loved me, I’ve never even talked to you before. They even arrange for me how my life’s being lived, and no one ever loved me. No one ever said to me he loved me, until you did now. Kill me, do it now, but don’t blame me. You don’t have the right to do so.’

Dear creature of the night, I know you live in pain, the lovers of the ocean, will make us go insane.

So now she actually wanted me to kill her.. And I didn’t really know if I should believe her or not. The look in her eyes, that pain.. It reminded me of the eyes of that young man, in the mirror reflection in the water of the lake. The same pain.. Even though her eyes were much more beautiful. The most beautiful eyes ever existed, and such a shame they were filled with pain.. And I slowly lowered my knife. The wonderful eyes followed it’s shiny blade. I looked at her one last time, and then left, locking the door behind me.

A last time we look back, at all things we wanted to say, which disappear in shadows, and still unsaid words stay.

It was a few hours past midnight, that I came back. Even before I had opened the door, I could hear it. She was crying, she was totally upset.. Loud sobs were audible through the door, and even by these sobs I could hear she was shaking. I slowly opened the door. She was still laying on the table, tied up, and grieved to the heart she stared at me. It was weird. Always I had thought she was a spoilt unreachable woman with status and arrogance, but actually she was just a lonely girl who lost herself long ago. I placed my torch in the standard on the wall, and walked up to her, and before I could ask what was wrong, she started to talk. Confused, upset and sobbing, so it was hard to understand what she was saying. ‘I.. I thought you’d never come back, and… And that I’d be laying here all alone in the dark forever..’ I didn’t answer, but wiped some tears of her skin, that had changed colour because of her crying. ‘And I’m cold…’ she softly added to it. Her skin indeed felt cold, and now I noticed she was shivering too. Outside it was freezing, and it wasn’t much warmer in here.. I took off my coat, and covered her with it. ‘Is that better?’ I asked, but she only quietly looked at me. ‘Why did you do that?’ she asked then. ‘Because you said you were cold,’ I answered. She had stopped crying now, and looked up at me. ‘Yes, but I thought you were going to kill me anyway?’ she said, rather confused. I shook my head. ‘I’ve changed my mind.’

The winter seems so fragile, crystals made of snow, and still we’ll keep looking for, the things we’ll never know

We talked the whole night. I was tired, and I knew I had to work tomorrow, but I didn’t mind. Neither that I was very cold now without my coat. As long as she was warm, it was alright. But it was almost morning now, and I’d had to be back before the others would wake up. No one knew she was here, except for her and me. She had told me she was afraid of being found, by someone who had worse intentions than saving her. I had guaranteed her that no one would find her, and I strongly hoped that I could keep that promise. But it was getting morning, so I told her I had to go. And suddenly she got scared again. I had actually thought she’d be afraid of me, but she seemed more afraid of being alone than afraid of me. After having promised her four times that I would come back, she finally agreed to it that I left.

And when love is stronger, we all will survive, but eaten by loneliness, no one stays alive.

I returned the next night. She was sleeping. Had cried herself to sleep. My coat had fallen on the ground, and she shivered in her sleep. I had brought some blankets for her, so I could have my coat back. I covered her with them, and she woke up. I picked up my coat and put it on, and asked her whether she was okay. She sadly shrugged her shoulders. For a moment I thought about letting her go. ‘I hate being alone in the dark..’ she said softly. I nodded. Even during day it was dark here, and she was unable to see anything until I came in with a torch. ‘I brought you some food..’ I said. ‘And some water as well.’ I had to feed her, since she was still laying tied up on a table.. I was finished soon, because I hadn’t brought much. Me and the people around me were hungry these days, and I simply didn’t have more. ‘Everything hurts.. My muscles..’ she said softly. I sadly smiled, and slowly untied her. I had expected her to flee, or even attack me, but she only gratefully looked at me.

We all hear the skies sing, as time passes by, but who will remember, after saying goodbye.

She was awake when I opened the door. She had been with me for two weeks now. Every night I came to feed her, and untie her so she could walk around a bit. But this night was different. She happily smiled at me when I came in, but I sadly gazed back. I sat down next to her. ‘I.. I have to tell you something.’ She kept looking at me, but didn’t answer. ‘Your father’s dead.’ She kept looking at me the same way, expressionless and showing no emotion. ‘And… now there’s a small army of people looking for you, because they’ve decided that you, as his daughter, are their new leader.’ Again there was no reaction whatsoever. I kept staring at her, and she stared back. Then I smile appeared on her face. ‘That’s… good, isn’t it? Then I could help your friends and family, so you could let me go.’ It surprised me that she didn’t show any sorrow about the death of her father. I shook my head. ‘But they’ll kill me as soon as they find out I’m the one who..’ Her smile became broader. ‘No, they won’t, if I’m the new leader, I surely can stop them from doing that.. and they won’t have to know..’ I sadly smiled. What if she had only been nice to me the last two weeks, because she had hoped I’d let her go? And that her promise to help my friends and family, might as well be a lie, to free herself. Why would she help me? I really wouldn’t mind, if I got killed once I’d set her free, if that would mean my family would be alright. But if she wouldn’t keep one promise, she wouldn’t keep the other either. And, most of all, I was afraid of losing her.

We always remember the moon, even during the sunrise, but after these mistakes, we’ll pay the highest price.

It was the next morning. I had made up my mind. I’d let her go. She was a good person, so she’d be good to the people here anyway. It didn’t matter what would happen to me. This was the first time I visited her during the day. She’d be surprised. I had to hurry, before anyone would notice I wasn’t there. They were looking for her, a whole bunch of armed guys. When I entered, I didn’t close the door behind me, for the first time. She smiled, and looked at me. Then her expression changed, while she stared at something behind me. Because I first thought she was just wondering why I didn’t close the door, I just smiled at her and didn’t turn around. Then I heard footsteps behind me, and before I could turn around, someone kicked me in my back, and I fell. I stood up looked back, right the cold eyes of a tall, armed man..

For us the last day on earth, lost in heaven or in hell, we’re on our way back there, as we softly say farewell.

With one swing of his sword he got me down again. While I fell on the ground, I made a grab for the place the intense pain came from, and soon I was covered with blood. My own blood. I tried to say something, but nothing but a gasping sound left my throat. I was dying. ‘Are you okay?’ I heard him say to her. Despite my pain, I smiled, not knowing why. Then I saw the way he looked at her, all worried and concerned. I had been right. Now they had lost her, they’d all realized they did love her. She’d be fine, from now on. What about me.. I had been slaughtered in front of her very eyes now.. would she now too realize, that she loved me? I looked at myself. I saw my eyes were wide open, lifelessly staring at nothing, and a bit of blood trickled out of my mouth. My clothes and hands had turned red. I was looking at myself. I was no longer in my body. The pain had gone. I was dead. He had untied her now, and she fell down on her knees next to me, crying. ‘No…!’ she cried out. She whispered my name, and begged me to say something. But I was dead, I didn’t say anything, I was laying there motionless.. Tears ran down her cheeks, and sobbing she looked back at the man. ‘Why…’ But she couldn’t control her voice anymore. Other people came in too now. They saw her, came to her, and comforting started to talk to her. One of them even placed his arm around her. They cared, they all loved her now. She’d be happy, from now on she would. And while nothing on my dead body changed, I smiled, and a single tear ran down my cheek too now, for being unable to say farewell to her.

We wander out for ages, soaring through black skies, and bodies will start bleeding, but true love never dies.