Time to love again

She had never believed in fate. It never appealed to her, to think that something else, someone else held control over her life, her joys and sorrows. If she cried, it was because ‘she’ had done something not right and if she laughed, it was because ‘she’ had found it funny. There were only two words in the depths of her heart. That place where very few are allowed to enter. ‘I’ and ‘me’. It wasn’t like she was a selfish girl; on the contrary, she gave a lot to charity, in secret. But in the waking hours of her life, there was only one person she was concerned about, and that was her.

But what was happening to her now was a cruel, very cruel work of fate. She bit her tongue as she said the forbidden word in her mind. But what else could it be, if not the work of someone ‘out there’ who had a very silly sense of humor. She shook herself. No, she cannot let herself be confused like this. Tonight was going to be a difficult night and she needed all her senses intact, if she were going to make it through the night, in one piece.

At 7.00 pm, she slowly walked up to the door of a beautiful and cozy looking bungalow. The path was cemented, flanked by big pebbles from the ocean, which was barely a few meters away. She could even hear the heaving waves, the ocean pregnant with a power no one could fathom. So violently calm. A state of being not too different from hers. She stood still outside the door, took a deep breath and rang the bell.

And it seemed like all hell broke loose.

There were two Labradors and two other little things, which amidst the blur of pink tongues, and one fawn and one black lion-dog, she realized were two little girls. And if they weren’t wearing different clothes, she would have fainted thinking she was seeing double.

“OH NO!!! Rhe, I am so terribly sorry!!!” was some voice in the distance and as she slowly got to her feet, associated it with the face. It was Anne. Every time she saw this woman, she felt peace. She simply hated it.

After admonishing the two little brats and the two dogs, Anne led Rhe to the drawing room amidst profuse apologies. “Don’t worry about it, I am alright.” Rhe said, feeling just the opposite. While she was still making sure that Rhe was alright, they heard a THUD from the rooms above. And apologizing again for the twin’s misbehavior, she ran upstairs to find out, what item in the house needed repair or replacement, now.

And that’s when he entered the room. There was some grey around his temples, a little weight around the middle, but he was what she had always known him to be. The most handsome man she had ever come across. The only man she had ever truly loved.

She thought she was going to pass out again.

When Rhe first met Anne, it was a terribly humid day in the streets of Thailand. She was there on business purposes and was taking some time out to de-stress. “Nothing like watching the locals trying to sell you fried cockroaches” her friend had told her and anyways, she wanted to pick up some inexpensive souvenirs.

And all of a sudden, it started pouring. Everyone scrambled under the makeshift tents that doubled up as shops and mobile restaurants. And there was one lady, who was definitely Indian, brown skin, tee and jeans and a tiny red bindi. She had dropped her bag and was busy picking up the tomatoes and the greens in the pouring rain. Rhe didn’t give a damn, but after a few minutes, she felt compelled to help a fellow Indian. So she rushed into the rain to help her pick up the vegetables. And later, over a gratitude coffee that Anne had insisted on, Rhe had found out that Anne had been in Thailand for the past ten years, had a family and worked part time as an English teacher at a local school.

“Wait a minute, I might just have a photograph of my family, let me show it to you!”

Her eyes shone as she rummaged through her purse and pulled out her pride of the moment. Two dogs, two kids her and 'him'.

That’s when Rhe almost passed out, the first time.

***

“It’s been a long time Rhe.”

That voice. It hadn’t changed one bit. Just like those eyes, that face. Like him.

Above them, there was a voice reprimanding the twins. Below, there was a tension so palpable, it could be touched.

“Yes Matt, it’s been a long time. Ten years to be precise. How have you been?”

“I have been good Rhe. Life has been kind to me. You haven’t changed at all. You look just as fabulous as you were ten years ago.”

Rhe smiled. His charm was still intact. She walked up to the couch and sat; more to make sure she didn’t fall, than to make herself comfortable. Despite the hot weather, Rhe suddenly felt cold. This was a scene she had hoped with all her might she wouldn’t have to deal with. Had hoped she would someday come across.

When Matt had wanted to marry Rhe, she was just about getting started on her career. She loved him, but couldn’t marry right now. But Matt was getting older and was under a lot of pressure from his ageing parents. So by mutual agreement, they broke up. Rhe had been the supportive lover. Told him that everything will be alright, for him. Cheered him on and told him that they would remain friends forever. Then they shook hands and went their ways. That night, the entire night, Rhe cried. That was the last time she cried. And loved.

She looked at Matt. The man she once loved with all her heart, wanted to spend the rest of her life with. How things change..

“I haven’t forgotten you Rhe.”

She was jolted out of her reverie. Neither had she. She still loved him. Held on to him in her mind. The memories were getting fuzzier, but they were there. She could never imagine herself loving another man. Matt was her love and in a decision ruled by foolishness, she had let him go. She had thought that she would get over it, that time would heal. It had, in a sense, until now. When every pain was torn open and her heart was aching as agony speared.

“Your children are so beautiful Matt.”

And suddenly, Matt’s countenance changed. He began talking about the girls. There was a glow on his face, a joy that surpassed his voice and permeated right out of his aura. He told Rhe about how Anne almost died giving birth to the babies, how they were born Siamese, joined by their little fingers, how they had to perform a surgery on the infants, how Anne took care of the children, how he and Anne would spend sleepless nights getting the children to sleep, how during the Tsunami, they had just returned from the beach, the previous evening and the twins got so scared watching the news, that they were ill, how .........Anne…twins…Anne…children…Anne…the girls…

He spoke like he was in a trance.

A trance of love so deep, so full, so different. And Rhe knew, that Matt only 'still remembered' her. He didn’t love her. At least not like he used to. His life was full now. He had found love again. Twice, Anne and the twins. There was no denying it. Rhe had truly lost Matt.

But she had found herself.

Caught in the pitch darkness of a lost love, Rhe had closed herself to the world. She had denied herself, friends, family, fun. A sort of self inflicted penance for choosing ambition over Matt. She could have married him then, but she was selfish. But things happen. People move on. Matt had moved on.

Anne came down with two very subdued twins and equally subdued Labradors. They came slowly to Rhe and with hung heads, said “sorry” in unison, Rhe took them both in her arms. And she cried. Like she had cried that night, when she had said no to Matt.

It was catharsis time. It was time to be healed.

Anne’s eyes were bloodshot as she said goodbye to Rhe. There was so much crying. Matt telling Anne that ‘this’ was the girl he had told her about . And Anne, sharing in Rhe’s pain, crying with her. Rhe knew she might meet the family again, or might not. But she was unburdened now. She was clear and changed.

The ocean swirled in front of her. The full moon sending out waves of peace and tranquility. Matching her inner state.

Rhe had moved on. After ten long years, she had moved on.

She was ready to love. Again.