From me to the man across the world

Tyler,

There are certain things that I have always related to you, but apparently they were left in the back of my head. That is, until the night you were removed from my grasp. Only for a short time, so I didn't think it would be difficult. Then I woke up the next morning in your hoodie and didn't want to move. I just wanted to be wrapped up in you for a bit longer. Not much to ask.

I rose to change clothes for my day ahead, laying your hoodie on the bed for the next night. That Tuesday was slow and work seemed to never end. I had nothing except you on my mind. Had you made it safely? Would you call me to let me know? Were you okay? Alive? Still mine?

You were. You were all of it. I woke up to hear your sweet voice from a message left in the early morning. It hurt me. My heart gained about 20 pounds, in my chest, in a matter of seconds from the moment I heard you say "Hey baby." I thought I would be relieved to hear it. Maybe comforted and able to focus completely on my new day, because my worry of your trip was over. No. No. No. It hurt. I haven't figured out why. Possibly the fact that your voice is the only thing I get for a while. No losing myself in your eyes, the bluest damn eyes. No holding me until something tears us apart No kisses that send us away from everything and everyone, away from this tragic world completely. Oh those kisses that leave me lost with you. I love being lost with you. I'm left with only your voice.

It was the concert that hit me. Camel nonfilters. Baby I remember. I remember the name, the look, and I remembered how much I missed you when Nick lit up the exact same smokes. Never cigs. Always smokes. I remember. He lit one after another. My mind told me to take them; to steal them and just hold on. I couldn't convince my body to follow the urge. I spent that night drowning in you, and you had no idea. Surrounded by the essence of you. I love that essence. You were everywhere that night.. And to think... you thought you were still across the world.

Today I saw our picture. I thought I was going to be sick. Everything inside of me dropped and swirled. I swear everything in me is a tangled mess. It's hard to not have you around me everyday. But, I can still feel you. I feel your kiss on my forehead, my cheek, my neck, my lips. That's what keeps me warm at night along with the hoodie. Just the thought of your touch consumes me; it takes away my emptiness for a short moment. I live for that moment.

No! I live for the moment I see you. I smile to you again. I go straight up to you and hold you closer to me than ever before. I can't wait for you to hear me tell you how much I love you. How much I missed you, and how I only want you, everyday, for as long as you'll let me. You. Nothing else.

So I'll wait. I believe its five more days; five days of patience. I am here, holding on to you tighter than ever and you're nowhere near. Somehow it's possible.

I love you, baby. Can I tell the whole world? Are they ready for it yet? Will they ever be? Doesn't matter, here we are, ready or not.

All of my love, every little bit I have left in me to you.