Regretful Memories

The sound of the subway starting back up again penetrated my ears, but I wasn’t really paying attention so I didn’t really hear it or notice that it did. Today was my day off, even though I had just seriously started a few weeks ago. I didn’t really want to stay inside today, so I figured that I would go out shopping for a little while…after all, I did need some new clothes…

“Kate? Kate! Hey! That’s really you!”

Her familiar voice popped my bubble the instant I heard it.

“Cindy? Wow, it’s been so long! It’s been what 6 years?” Kate inquired.

“Seven.” Cindy corrected.

I didn’t realize, that it was that long since I’ve seen her, and everyone else from my high school class. I kind of felt embarrassed that I didn’t know how long I haven’t seen Cindy…she was my best friend after all. Even though I hadn’t kept in touch with her since then, I still had the feeling that she was someone I could trust when I looked at her warm face.

“How have you been?!” Cindy questioned, as her long, blond curly hair plopped from side to side every time she moved.

“Okay I guess, I mean I’ve been pretty busy with the job and all and it’s been pretty demanding on me, so I’m pretty happy to have a day off today to just relax…I was thinking about going shopping today, but since you’re here, maybe you want to go for some coffee?” Kate replied.

“I’d be more than happy to catch up! There’s so much that I’ve been wanting to ask you when I noticed you! So where do you work now anyway? Back then…you were always talking about how you never knew what you wanted to do, so to be honest I’m a bit curious on what you’re actually doing right now.” Cindy said ecstatically.

“I model.” Kate answered shyly.

I still wasn’t used to the whole thing. It really was an occurrence of luck after another that it all happened, but in the end, isn’t it all a bunch of luck and coincidences sewn together?

“Are you serious?! That’s so awesome! Come to think of it…it doesn’t surprise me that much, I mean look at you! Your long legs, your silky black hair and your perfect complexion, it really is a perfect match.” Cindy explained.

She really was like I had left her. Still a little ditsy here and there, but she was always so kind and ready to compliment people just when the time was right. Although she was complimenting me on how I looked, I’ve never told her that I found her much prettier than I was. She always said how so-and-so was pretty or cute, but if she stopped for a second and looked at herself, she’d realize that she is too. Even though I heard her say it plenty of times in the past, I couldn’t help but blush.

“Oh! Let’s get off here! Hurry! I know this place where we can get some great coffee, and it’s cheap to boot!” Cindy said excitedly as she grabbed Kate’s hand and pulled her out like a little girl asking her mom to follow her to a toy store.

*

“So what are you doing anyways Cindy? It’s been so long…I can’t even remember what you wanted to do. Well…I remember that you liked clothing and shopping a-LOT, though!” Kate asked.

“I design clothes…okay well…that’s not true. I’m in my 3rd year in University in design so I hope that one day I’ll be able to make clothes for everyone. Especially for the people that I love, like my mom, my little sister…” said Cindy.

I remember now, I can’t believe I forgot about it so easily…about how she wanted to be a designer. She was always ambitious like that, she knew exactly what she wanted to do, how to do it, and her imagination knew no limits, she never really had to really think about an idea…it always seemed like there were a countless number of them crawling around in her head. I envied her a lot for that kind of passion; I always felt that, if I had passion like that, then maybe I could be really happy and cheerful like she always was. I think that’s what attracted me to being her friend in the first place. When she had said that, I couldn’t say anything, but just smile.

“I’m sure you’ll become famous, I mean, your clothes always look so nice and trendy…I always liked them! I’m not just saying that either…” Kate finally confessed.

“Thanks! That means a lot to me. I was wondering if people liked what I made or not…I really wasn’t sure, so thanks again for reassuring me!” Cindy exclaimed.

“I guess this is a really big world isn’t it? I mean…we’ve been living in the same city for so many years…and we haven’t even seen each other once for all this time.” Said Kate.

“Aww Kate…well to be honest I kind of went out traveling right after graduation, that’s why I wasn’t really there for our afterprom. I wanted to see new places, and experience new things. I visited some parts of France and Italy for a while, but then I realized how much home actually meant to me, and I decided that it was the time to go back. Maybe that’s why we lost contact so quickly…” Cindy remarked.

Cindy always hated goodbyes, I guess she wanted to leave without getting hurt. She wasn’t really one to confront her own problems, instead she always tried avoid the subject in any way possible, or run away…if she could.
“Wow! Besides school and designing…what’s new? I mean it’s been such a long time and I feel like there’s just so much I don’t know about you anymore. Are you still with Henry?” Kate asked.

If I didn’t know any better, I could have sworn that I had noticed Cindy’s cheery face turn extremely sad for a moment, but that couldn’t be, could it? I was a bit afraid to ask for the fear that I was actually wrong, I mean I didn’t really want to vex her, especially since we just had met again! I was a little happy inside. I mean sure, I had other friends, but Cindy was…special, she knew exactly how to make me happy at the right times. When I was heartbroken, she was there, when I felt down, she was listening intently at me, and comforting me.

“Henry? Oh, no, no. We broke up.” Cindy declared.

“Really? When? ... Why?” Kate wondered.

“It was before I left on my trip. He never really did anything for me, I mean besides the usual make out and stuff, but that’s what he wanted. He didn’t really care for my dreams or anything I did, really. Ontop of that, his apartment was SO messy it was so gross. As much as I’m used to cleaning, I could NEVER get used to that.” Cindy explained.

I knew it, she didn’t want to face him again so she left. It wasn’t because of me, or anyone else in the class…it was him.

“And you? Did you find anyone else after…Jace?” Cindy questioned.

I…umm…well…no.” Kate answered.

I didn’t really want to answer that question, but it wasn’t really fair since I was the one who brought up the topic in the first place. I was always rash like that…I always acted before I thought, and most of the time, I really caused some big trouble.

“You’re…still not over him after all that time huh?” Cindy stated.

“Well he’s the one who left me!” Kate yelled.

There was the rashness intervening again, I really wish I would stop that.

“Sorry, I…didn’t mean to yell. How did you know Jace had left me?” Kate added.

“Oh, well, you see I was looking at the yearbook with a friend, and she had said that you two weren’t together anymore. I was wondering if that was true or not…but I guess it is now.” Cindy slowly explained.

“Yeah…” Kate said.

“Oh, look at the time! I have to head back home for supper and stuff before my night class.” Cindy remarked.

“I’ll walk you home! There’s still a lot I want to talk to you about, and I’ve been wondering where you’re staying at now, so I’ll be able to visit you a little more than once every seven years!” Kate responded.

“I’ll be fine…really, you don’t have to, here’s my number I’ll be sure to call you up tomorrow.” Cindy retorted.

“What are you saying? I don’t mind at all! Let’s go before it gets too late okay?” Kate answered.

The long walk back to her place was pretty awkward, I had a feeling she wasn’t comfortable with me heading over, but what could it really be? Was it because her apartment wasn’t cleaned up? Or because it was too small? Either way, I told myself that I wouldn’t negatively comment on her place, no matter how bad it looked!

The building we entered looked really old fashioned, but don’t get me wrong, it was really impressive-looking. I was actually surprised how she could afford that…this place looked really expensive. Outside was a garden full of flowers…they were so pretty, after I was going to leave her place, I decided that I would take a peek at this garden…it was something I wanted to see more closely.

As we arrived to her apartment door, I decided that, since Cindy seemed extremely uncomfortable with me being here that I would leave right after I said goodbye.

“Well I’d best be going now I guess.” Kate said.

“Thanks for walking me home…I’ll be sure to call you tomorrow, if you’re not busy with work that is. I’m just really in a hurry, I can’t afford to miss class again.” Cindy replied.

“You? Miss class? That’s a good one. I might be a little busy tomorrow but I’ll see what I can do. Byebye!” Kate quickly said.

Even though curiosity killed the cat as they say, I decided to stay long enough so that I could take a peek in her apartment while she opened the door to get in. Thankfully, Cindy hadn’t really noticed that I was still there since she was busy fiddling with her keys, so I thought this was the perfect opportunity.

As the door opened, I heard a voice, a voice that was extremely familiar to my ears, that I couldn’t mistake it even if I thought my eyes were lying to me.

“Hey hun, where did you put the sugar? I can’t find it anywhere…Kate? What are you doing here. The man spoke out.

Cindy turned around so fast, that I could still see the initial shocked image of her face as soon as it did a full turn.

“I’m sorry Kate! I didn’t want you to see it like this…” Cindy explained.

“Jace? When? Why? Why her!? Of all people Cindy…I’d thought you’d be the last…” Kate yelled.

“Wait Kate! We can explain…we.” Cindy stammered.

“I don’t care! Have fun living in your fancy new apartment, with your fancy boyfriend in your fancy life! Shows how much you care!” Kate yelled even louder.

I really did care, but I guess that spoke for itself. I couldn’t stand seeing either of them and I didn’t want to cry in front of them either, so I decided to run back home, and with a resolution to try and never see, or talk to either of them…again.

*

A month later I had gotten a letter from Cindy in my mailbox. I’m not sure how she got my address but as always my rashness and curiosity overrode everything else within me, so I opened up the letter. What was weird was that, the envelope didn’t have anything else, but an address and a key. At first I was reluctant to go check it out, since it was so out of my way to work, but I figured, since I had a little time…I wanted to check it out.

The place looked really shabby and it really was in a remote place, and there didn’t seem to be any inhabitants in the building, but I went to the top floor anyway. The building was so old… that it didn’t even have an elevator inside, it was really wearisome to go up all these stairs.

As I opened up that door…inside was something beyond my imagination, something that I could never think of in my wildest dreams. There was a chair in the middle of the room with a sign that said “This is for you, Kate”. That wasn’t the impressive part though, it was what was on the either side of the chair. There, stood so many beautiful dresses, outfits and shoes that would drive any woman crazy. I knew that…they were made, by her.

The sudden amount of emotions surging through me brought me to my knees. This ball of jealousy…that was growing in my heart seemed like it was trying to get out, I brought my hand to my mouth, I felt it with such force that, it seemed like I was going to throw it up all at once. At the same time, as much as I was ashamed I couldn’t take my eyes off the sign, or the clothing. No matter how much I tried to hide it back then, I really did feel ugly.


END