story of adrian

Adrian was running through dark trees in the mist of night. There was no sight of life anywhere. Just the feel of death, pulling at her, trying to suck her in. She started to run but death followed her and then she awoke. Sweating and panting in the cool morning air, Adrian realized that her recurring nightmare had struck again. Unable to sleep she trudged into the bathroom and started the shower. Undressing as quickly as possible, she stepped into the steaming hot shower. Letting the water pour down her head through her hair and trailing her body, she slowly tried to relax. She tried not to think of the dream and how it haunted her since her world crashed down. Everything she had dreamed of, her fairy tale life was gone. She had nothing. No hope, no joy, only sorrow and pain. Even in some instances, nothing at all. Why when her world seemed to go well, did something bad happen? Was she cursed? Or was she just a horrible person. That after so long, everyone realized it, and left. Adrian sank into the tub and let the water wash away the pain or at least make her feel cleaner mentally. She sat there until the water bleed cold, and then managed to pull herself together for another boring day in her painful life.

She trudged through her normal workday then back home again. Walking into her empty apartment, she tossed her coat and bag at the closest spot she could find. Looking into her dark living room, the furniture which hardly is ever used and the Christmas tree still undecorated just waiting for her. She kept putting such pleasures off for another day. Because with the pleasure of such an easy activity brought such pain of spending the holiday alone. She changed into her bed clothes and micro waved a fettuccine alfredo dinner. Crawling into her bed, she turned the TV on, and slowly ate her mediocre food. After watching the TV till she was bored out of her mind, she turned off the lights and slid further into bed. She dreamed of the same nightmare again, only this time she could see the death. She could see who it was. As she stared at death, she realized that it was herself. When she awoke in the middle of the night, she realized that she had been fighting against herself. Good versus Evil. A part of her wanted to live, wanted to hope for love, wanted to be free to be herself. While the other part of her wanted the pain over with. That part wanted to just lay there and die. To let her heart have the peace of never being able to be hurt or broken again. Now she just had to decide which she wanted more. To go day by day hoping for something that may never come, or to end it and have peace.

Today was a day she could relax. No work, just her. She crawled into bed and slept throughout the day. On and off again. She cried in her sleep, the pain seeping onto her cheeks. The tears coated her hair and sheets with tears of wetness. She had decided. No longer could she deal with this pain. It was time. She found what she needed to sleep forever and took them with resolution to her pain. As she drifted off thinking about how no one would ever miss her, she felt a tinge of warmth. She imagined that was part of the process. But then her heart leapt and she felt warm arms holding her, rocking her back and forth. She must be dreaming as she died, she thought. Warm kisses rained across her face. Hot tears poured down her nose and lips. Her mind kept pulling her back towards her life. What is happening she thought? Why must I go back to that hell? Slowly she started to cough and realized she was being held tightly to someone. She opened her eyes and squinted as the light showed into them. As her eyes adjusted to the brightness she noticed that her love was holding her and crying against her. He was touching her face and kissing her cheeks while whispering words quietly over and over again. Somehow he had felt something was wrong with her. His heart had told him. He had realized that loving her was a part of his life he could never give up. Adrian knew he loved her but never felt so much till now. He had not given up on her, or them. Perhaps miracles are what it takes to make people realize that they are important. That they mean something, and perhaps they are not useless. Adrian had never known someone could love her. No one had ever really shown her. Bits of it here and there, but no one had ever connected with her such as this moment right now. Right now Adrian was feeling like she belonged. She was no longer an outcast but a piece of her lover. She would never take life for granted again and he would never let her think she was worthless. They sat there holding each other, no words, just each other being together.