A funny Irish ballad that really happened - with poetic license, of course. |
FLYIN' BACK HOME I was flyin back home out of Dublin The Monday just past Patrick's Day T'was weepy I was at the leavin' When overhead we heard "Delay" To another terminal were directed And told t'would not be very long So I sat and I cried for a moment Then I began to think up this song Flyin' back home out of Dublin My luggage declared tampered free Just wonder why someone who'd tamper with it Would be stupid enough to tell me? As I sat in the airport in Dublin Wiping from my eyes salty tears I pondered just why our flight might be delayed And dealt with a few silly fears I met a wee stepdancer from Pittsburgh Who proudly showed off her hard shoes And a lass comin' back from a weddin' in Cork Who told me her single girl blues And then the news came of a new flight To a different gate we were sent Off we went dragging our wheelies Quite frankly, by now I was spent Please be patient, we'll board in a minute So sorry, they said, for the fuss When they announced the "All Clear" sign for boarding Off we headed for that big green airbus Flyin' back home out of Dublin My luggage declared tampered free Just wonder why someone who'd tamper with it Would be stupid enough to tell me? "Now, ladies and gents, beggin' pardon We now must await other crew There were technical problems on one plane But this jet's bigger and it's new..." So we waited and our new attendant Boarded and off we did fly T'was raining ascending from Dublin As I waved a wet tearful good-bye In thirty-five minutes we landed A layover in Manchester where They whisked us right off of Aer Lingus Down empty hallways and a stair By then we were all pretty weary Ah but now the games were to begin The unsuspecting Irish travellers Were guilty of some airborne sin... We first caught on when our security checks Were takin' longer than our flight A good twenty five minutes per person At this rate, we'd be here 'till tonight Unfortunately, our next flight was leavin' And four of us had to go pee The Manchester Hostess with the Mostess Said "Too bad!" and glared right at me And one employee right behind us Was readin' the passenger list Outloud to someone at the end of the phone Seemed not one Irish name did they miss The roll call went on for some minutes Past the Murphys, O'Connells and Tooles Past the Bradys and Learys and Creary's Thought they were onto somethin', the great fools! Well, we passengers just about had it... We were soon to be late for our flight Another girl and me, we STILL had to pee I was crossin' my legs with my plight We were mumbling and grumbling and restless When a fellow from Dublin spoke out "They do this to all of the AerLingus flights." At which the counter lady looked up with a pout "We do not!" she growled in my direction I wondered what the heck did I do? Then I simply decided sheer rudeness Was the tell tale mark of a shrew "What's the problem then?" said the Dubliner (Not his name but he'll know that 'tis he) We're soon to be missing our US AIR flight Departure's at one, but will we?" "Well, not my fault," said Miss Lack of Manners "Your plane was delayed and you sat Twenty minutes, fully boarded on the runway So there...go ahead...explain that!" We passengers looked at each other And one after one, rolled our eyes Right away we knew what they were thinking We were all bloody IRA spies... Or maybe they thought we were smuggling guns (But t'would be the wrong way goin' out) "Has anyone tampered with your suitcase?" said she Said I, "Would they tell me? I doubt!" I thought she might throw me in handcuffs So shocked was the look on her face And Me? I decided to just go for broke "Now find me a bathroom in this place." We all finally got through the secruity line Got escorted so we could go pee We all made it back to America From far 'cross the Atlantic Sea I often think back on my journey And the lesson I learned on its knee If a terrorist tampers with your bags and tells You darn well better tell Security.... Flyin' back home out of Dublin My luggage declared tampered free Just wonder why someone who'd tamper with it Would be stupid enough to tell me? |