Daddy's Girl - Chapter 1

“Hello?” Cheryl waited to hear a voice on the phone.

“Cheryl?” She recognized him immediately. She hadn’t heard her dad’s voice in almost a year now, but it was unmistakable who it was when she heard him speak her name.

“Yes dad, it’s me. Hi.” She reached for a cigarette.

“Hi, sorry to bother you, honey, but I had to talk to you. Are you busy right now?”

“No, not really. I’m home for the day, I didn’t have any appointments scheduled. What’s up?” Cheryl lit her cigarette and took a deep drag. She felt her muscles tensing up at the sound of his voice.

“Marlene told me I had to call you. I didn’t want to bother you, but she insisted. I have some news to tell you.” Ernie hesitated for a minute and she heard him light a cigarette. “I’m going into the hospital tomorrow. I’m having surgery.”

“Surgery? What’s wrong?” Cheryl was instantly concerned.

“Well, it seems I have lung cancer. They’re operating tomorrow, removing a lung. I’m hoping that takes care of it. The doctors said I may have to go through some other treatment later, but they don’t know what yet. I’m sure everything will be fine.” He tried to make light of it as though it was no big deal.

“Dad, I can’t get there tomorrow, I have a full day scheduled for work. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? When did you find out about this?” Cheryl felt herself get irritated and immediately felt guilty as well. She started wondering how she could rearrange her schedule.

“Honey, I don’t think you need to be here. I just wanted you to know what was going on. I’ll call you or have Marlene call you when it’s done, let you know how it turned out. Don’t worry about coming, it’s really no big deal.”

“Dad, I want to be there. I do, but I can’t. Damn it! I wish you would have given me a day or two more notice. I want to be there. Make sure Marlene has my number and calls me as soon as possible, okay?” Cheryl felt tears well up in her eyes and willed them to stop. Damn, he had this effect on her every time she heard his voice. She wished he didn’t. “Did you call anyone else? I mean, you know, the other kids?”

“No, I don’t have any of their numbers. Could you? That’s if you think you should. I don’t know that they need to know yet. The only reason I’m telling you is Marlene insisted. You know.” He sounded sad as he talked.

“I know, I know. Okay, here’s what I’ll do. When I hear from Marlene after your surgery, I’ll let them know what’s going on. No sense in stirring things up until I know more. Okay?” Although Cheryl hated being the go between when her siblings needed to know about their dad, she knew it was up to her even if she didn’t want the job.

“Okay, thanks honey. Well, I’ll let you go. Talk to you soon?”

“Wait, what hospital are you going to be in? In case I decide to call or something, to get an update.” Cheryl reached for a pen and paper to write on.

“Oh, Memorial Hospital. Okay?”

“Okay, thanks. I’ll just get the number from information. Dad? Take care of yourself, okay? I’m sorry I won’t be there, I really am.” Cheryl felt a tear slide down her check and wiped it away.

“It’s no big deal, Cheryl, really. I’ll be fine. We’ll talk soon. I love you, bye honey.”

“I love you too, dad. Bye.” Cheryl put the phone down after the call and thought about her dad. They had a long history and it took her years to be able to say those words to him and mean it when she said it. She still often wondered if she actually meant it or said it just to make him feel better. Sometimes she didn’t know the difference.

Sitting back in her chair, Cheryl lit another cigarette and let herself remember another time and another place.

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Cheryl stood on the porch ironing clothes. She looked across the street to the beach on the other side. There they were. Her brothers and some neighbor kids were all playing, laughing and splashing in the water. Oh how she longed to go out there and play with them. She wanted to hurry through her ironing, but knew if she did, she’d just end up ironing all the clothes again. Her mother was meticulous when it came to ironing. “No wrinkles at all, Cheryl. I’m going to check when you’re done too, so don’t try any short cuts young lady!” She recalled her mother saying those words almost two hours and fifteen shirts ago. She carefully ironed each shirt, closely inspecting each one for wrinkles when she was done. She knew if she found even one wrinkle, her mother would spray the shirt down with water, roll it up, and put it back in the basket to iron all over again. Cheryl looked down at the basket and knew she’d be here for at least another two hours and tried not to look at the fun everyone was having on the beach playing without her. She couldn’t help but look and wondered how a ten year old girl was stuck ironing when everyone else was enjoying the warm summer day.

Two hours later, she looked at the clothes on the hangers. It was time to get her mother to inspect the ironing. Hopefully, her mother would tell her it was all done perfectly and she’d be able to go and play. She knew the other kids would be there for hours yet, their days in the summer were spent in the water and on the beach.

“Mom? I’m done with the ironing. You wanna come and look?” Cheryl yelled, knowing her mother was watching television in the living room.

“Good Lord Cheryl, you don’t have to yell, come and get me next time.” Her mother walked out to the porch. “Let me see if you’ve managed to do it right this time.” One by one, her mother inspected the shirts and pants all arranged on hangers. “Yep, this is good, good. Oh Cheryl, there’s some wrinkles in these pants, you’ll have to do those over.” Yanking the pants from the hanger, her mother put them on the ironing board. After inspecting all the garments, Cheryl was relieved to see there were only ten or so things she’d have to re-iron. She watched as her mother sprayed them down, rolled them up, and put them in the basket. “Now, do it right this time, and you may just have time left to go and play. It’s almost five o’clock now and your father will be home soon. Unless he stops at the bar again. Anyway, just get back to work and get it done. You’ve been out here all day.”

“Okay mom, I’m trying.” Cheryl watched her mother walk back into the house. Picking up the first pair of pants to iron, she got back to work. She knew she wouldn’t be playing in the water today. By the time she finished what she had left, it would be time to help get supper ready.

“Cheryl! Come on, come and swim with us.” Her neighbor, Vicki, was at the front porch, looking through the screen.

“I can’t Vicki, not till I finish all my ironing. I don’t think I’ll have time today. I have to help mom with supper when I’m finished with this.” Cheryl said it quietly, she didn’t want her mother to know she was talking to anyone while she was supposed to be ironing.

“Oh geez, Cheryl. It’s great, the water is warm. C’mon, hurry up so you can swim for at least a little while.” Vicki smiled as she stood there, water dripping off her from swimming and playing.

“I’m trying, I just know I won’t get to today. I hate ironing, I hate it! But, if I don’t get back to work here, mom will find another chore for me. So go, before she hears you talking to me. I don’t want to get in trouble.” Cheryl felt like crying as she said it, feeling her throat ache as it did whenever she didn’t let herself cry.

“Okay, maybe I’ll see you tonight then, if we play hide and seek or something.” Vicki turned and ran back down to the beach, yelling at all who heard her to look out, she was taking a run into the water.

Cheryl was just about finished when she saw the car pulling around the corner. There it was, her dad’s red station wagon. She felt the familiar twinge of excitement knowing her dad was home. Hanging the last shirt on the hanger, she walked inside to get her mother for inspection. “Mom, I’m done with the ironing now. Could you look again?” Cheryl found her mother on the sofa, smoking and drinking Pepsi.

“Okay. It took you long enough. I hope you did it right this time so you don’t have to spend your day out there tomorrow too.” Her mother walked out to the porch and carefully inspected the newly ironed clothes, one at a time. “Cheryl, there’s still a wrinkle in this shirt, but I’ll let it go this time. It’s just one. You need to get all the wrinkles out, all of them. I don’t want any wrinkles in these clothes. Okay, it’s done, hang them up where they belong. There’s no time to go swim today though, I need your help to get supper on. I see your father is home on time today.”

Cheryl gave a sigh of relief. “Thank God,” she thought. “I’d go crazy if I had to iron again all day tomorrow.” Taking the clothes, she hung them up where they belonged. Most of them went in her parent’s closet. Her dad’s work shirts, her mom’s blouses, and their slacks. Finished with hanging them up, she ran down the stairs to greet her father.

“Dad!” Cheryl smiled and her eyes lit up when she saw her dad smile at her. “Hi dad!”

“Hi honey, how’s my girl?” Her dad’s eyes twinkled as they looked at her, and Cheryl gave a toothy grin.

“Great! I finished ALL the ironing today dad!” Cheryl announced.

“Good honey, good. Did you swim today?” he asked her.

“No, I had to get the ironing done. I made some mistakes and had to do some over again, but it’s done now!” Cheryl said it with pride, it wasn’t often she finished her ironing in one day.

Her dad turned to her mother, “Did she spend all day on that porch?” he asked with a demanding tone.

“Yes, she did. I can’t help it if she’s slow at ironing, it’s not like I haven’t shown her the right way to do it. She needs to keep working at it. This is good practice for her. Cheryl, set the table. Don’t forget the knives this time, and put the salt and pepper out too.” Her mother was busy heating up left over “hot dish” from the night before.

“Why do we need knives? We’re not cutting anything. It’s “hot dish” mom.“Cheryl placed seven plates on the table and went to get the glasses.

“Because that’s what I want. Don’t argue with me, just do it, damn it.”

Cheryl didn’t say anymore, and went to get forks and the knives she knew they wouldn’t use. Her mother was always crabby. She never seemed to be happy.

They all sat down to eat dinner, her brothers bragging about the fun they had in the water. One of her brothers managed to find time to fish and talked about the sunnies and crappies he caught. Her parents listened while they talked and laughed along with their stories. Cheryl listened and wished she could have had fun with them. She didn’t say anything. She was jealous and didn’t think it was fair they didn’t have work to do all day like she did. Finally, supper was finished.

“Cheryl, after your brother clears the table, you can do the dishes.”

“But mom, I did dishes last night, isn’t it Bob’s turn tonight?” Cheryl argued with her mother.

“Don’t argue with me. I want you to do the dishes. Bob will clear the table and he’ll dry the dishes. You will wash them. Is that better? Huh? No further discussion Cheryl, that’s my decision.”

“Mom, can’t I wash and have Cheryl dry? I hate drying the dishes.”

“Fine, Bob will wash, you’ll dry Cheryl.”

“No fair mom, I hate drying dishes too. He just doesn’t wanna dry them cause he’ll have to put them away. C’mon, I want to wash.” Cheryl pleaded with her mother.

“Cheryl, why is everything an argument from you? No, Bob washes, you dry. Keep arguing if you want to go to bed right after dishes, go ahead. I’ve had enough.” Her mother looked at her, almost daring her to keep talking.

“God Bob, you’re such a baby. You always get your way.” Cheryl stuck her tongue out at him.

“That does it Cheryl, bedtime for you after dishes. I’m tired of you and your mouth.”

“But, I wasn’t arguing with you, I was talking to Bob.” Cheryl said.

“I don’t care, you’re going to bed. I’m not going to deal with you anymore tonight.” Her mom turned and walked away. Cheryl felt a tear running down her cheek.

“Sorry Cheryl. You should’ve kept your mouth shut. You never know when to shut up. You always get in trouble with her.” Bob tried to make her feel better.

“She’s not fair. It’s not fair. I ironed all day and you played. Now I have to dry dishes, which I hate, and you get to go play while I have to go to bed. It’s not fair.” Cheryl grabbed a dish towel. “Get washing, would you?”

Dishes done, Cheryl was in her room, getting her pajamas on. She could hear the kids playing outside. She could hear her dad out there with them, laughing and playing along. She wanted to be out there too. She sat on the bed and threw her head in the pillow and let herself cry. She cried and cried, tears flowing into the pillow. Sobbing, she thought about how unfair it all was. She was just a kid, she wanted to play too. She got under the covers and continued to cry, a silent cry that no one would hear, letting the tears slip down the sides of her cheeks and into her ears. She waited for dark to come. She waited for her dad. He loved her. He told her all the time how much he loved her. She slipped off to slumber with thoughts of her dad.

Hearing a noise, she opened her eyes and saw her mom putting her baby sister to bed. Karen’s crib was there. They shared the room. Cheryl didn’t mind, her baby sister was cute, quiet, and slept through the night without crying too often. Knowing her mother was soon off to bed now that Karen was asleep, Cheryl wondered if he’d come see her tonight. She half hoped he would, and half hoped he’d just drift off to sleep in his chair as he usually does after too many beers at night. She didn’t know how many he had tonight, but she knew he had some. He always did.

She watched the light at the bottom of the door. The house was quiet and she knew almost everyone was in their beds sleeping. All except one of course. Her father rarely slept in the same bed with her mother. She knew they didn’t get along. He spent most of his nights in his chair, either passed out or just plain tired. Some nights, though, he would come to visit her. So she watched, wondering if he’d come, if tonight would be one of those nights. There they were, the feet, standing outside the door. Just standing there, waiting for what she didn’t know. She watched the feet. They stood there for what seemed a long time, then the door opened. She saw him walking towards her bed. She couldn’t see his face, but she knew it was him. He didn’t say a word until he sat down next her.

“Honey, are you sleeping?” he asked.

“No dad, I’m not.” Cheryl whispered to him.

“Good honey, good.” His hand touched her hair, softly, moving its way down to her cheek. “I love you, Cheryl.” He said to her.

“I know dad. I love you too.” Cheryl waited. She knew what was coming next. She felt his hand slide down her neck. He leaned in, kissed her softly on the forehead.

“I need you tonight, Cheryl. Shhh baby, it’s okay, Daddy loves his girl. Shhh…”

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Cheryl stood up and wrapped her arms around her chest. “Damn, why do I still think about it, why can’t I just let it go?” She said it out loud, though no one was there to answer her. She fought with the emotions she felt welling up inside her. She loved her dad and wanted to forgive and forget. She thought perhaps she had forgiven, but she knew she’d never forget. She wished with all her heart she would but also knew it would never happen.

She lit a cigarette and tried to think of something else. She wanted to go down and be there when her dad was in surgery, but knew she couldn’t arrange it. She’d have to wait and see how the surgery went. Knowing her dad, things would turn out fine and he’d be back on his feet in no time. She dreaded having to call her brothers and sister to tell them the news. She decided if all went well she would probably not call them at all. What they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them and she didn’t see the need to have to explain why dad called her and not them. She hated it when they referred to her as “Daddy’s Girl.” Needing to get out of the house, she grabbed her purse and headed out. She didn’t know where she was going, just that she needed to go somewhere.