Why Did You Want Me?

Why did you want me? Wasn't your work enough? When I was a baby you let teenagers watch me and they permanently damaged my right foot so you left me in daycare. Mommy and Daddy, how many hours did i spend in daycare so you could drive big, expensive cars, have a brand new bass boat to use three times a year, and go out to dinner every weekend?

Remember when I was nine and you left me with the neighbors while you were at work? Do you remember what the sick pig would do when his wife wasn't at home? Or how he wuld take me with him to do odd jobs because he knew no one would be home? You sold my innocense for a paycheck!

I remember being ten and that same neighbor took my virginity in front of an old abandoned house, but I was too afraid to say anything. I wanted to loe my virginity to a man I loved, not some 65 year old grandfather! I figured anything was better than daycare, at least this way I could go play with my friends when I wanted.

I asked Christ into my heart when I was thirteen and I knew He loved me and would protect me. He told me to talk to the man, maybe he would stop. He said he would, but he didn't. I was so lonely because my parents were never around, always working, and I was afraid of my friend's dads so he was all I had. So, the abuse continued.

Finally, a year later, I was able to tell you Mommy. Remember, I wrote you the letter? I had a nice song playing because it helped called "Gone Are The Dark Days" by Point of Grace. Do you remember what you did? You made me promise not to tell anyone and then left for work fifteen minutes later. Do you remember saying you knew something was going on, but never said anything?

Did you know I was suicidal until we moved away from there when I was sixteen? Did you know I felt dirty, used, and cheap? Did you know that I fell in love when I was seventeen, but couldn't touch him without remembering what had been done to me? How afraid I was of one day hurting my own child because of the anger I held deep within my heart?

Do you know who helped me? Jesus did. You tried to punish me by not letting me go to church, but He knew I needed Him so He met me where I was and counseled me through it all. That is why I can call Him my friend, because He loves me and never leaves, He was with me through it all.

Now I'm married with a beautiful baby on the way and I plan on being a better parent than either of you. I'm going to be home to play with my child, hug my child, and teach my child what he or she needs to know. I will protect him or her, even if that means laying down my own life, and I know I will never hurt him or her.

I don't hate either of you, I never could. I just wonder, why did you want me? Wasn't your money, new cars, new boats, and big houses enough? Did you have to adopt me so that you could have other people raise me and teach me things you weren't around to teach me? One day, maybe you'll realize what I've been through and put work aside long enough to realize how you hurt the very child you prayed for and loved so much you left her with people you didn't even know.